Ellison Murphy

angel, watching galaxy quest, joking: plot twist, it's real and they actually have to go to space. me: :) angel: ...........No.

new way to tell ppl you're desensitized to horror media: "scared the living daylights out of you, you say? all my daylights died years ago."

horse crying about their OWLs foal: YOU SAID HE'D BE ALRIGHT the doctor: no ma'am, i said he'd be *all white*

collapsible man-sized hamster wheel so u can charge ur electric car on the go

god i love civ.

>Osaka accent typically translated into english as southern >Misa Amane canonically from Osaka >Misa Amane should have a southern accent

in love w/the fact that Disney's Atlantis was able to make a Weird Foreigner Character who exists just to be the butt of jokes & act/be treated like an animal...and it isn't offensive & holds up perfectly to this day BECAUSE THEY MADE HIM FRENCH.

spy kids is what the kids at kinderheim 511 would've watched growing up if the nazis weren't stupid.

new tv show Fixing Good where suburban dad Walter Black gets clean of meth & becomes a beloved high school teacher

I'm a beast of the realm. I come home with Hot Burger and I immediately microwave the Burger to make it more Hot.

Will WistarRockstar on #Artfight pls contact me on other social media - here, tumblr, somewhere? I have your half of our art trade done but Artfight's on read-only mode! :)

CJ has been slow-blinking me & turning his head away, which is good, but also he did it RIGHT after I farted so it looked like he was disappointed in me.

Buying a bday gift for my dad. I can pay normal shipping for it to show up 1 day late, OR i can pay an *extra* $6.76 for it to show up *4* days late! :D

when i was a kid i couldve had acting agent, but i didnt bc i was a stubborn dick during the interview. the more I learn about ex-child actors my age & the industry at the time, the more i realize ITS A GOOD THING I WAS!!! I DODGED A FUCKING *BULLET,* JESUS CHRIST!!!!!

theyre slowly describing their entire rock collection one at a time in revenge. jokes on them this rules.

my friend said that they fall asleep driving if there's no podcast, and they were driving, so I started dryly reading out the entire Thermodynamics chapter in my 2017 bio textbook, and suddenly I'm "waterboarding them" and "making the drive take 5x as long"

FYI she & her family have already been sold - BUT MORE WILL BE UP SOON!

I've finally started posting adoptable family trees on ko-fi, the 1st of which had a cat named Bloodflower, and oh my god I JUST noticed this hilarious crop. Yes this is my cat, Bloodflow.

cheetos, world's most skittish cat, is NOT scared of me in my kazplay (kazuma cosplay). Presumably bc she knows putting this thing on lets her kill me instantly.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't "fit in." Have you seen any other writers whose favorite part of the writing process is editing? That's weird.

my midwestern friends are making fun of me.

the guy im buying a dresser from: sorry if im a little slow, im a bit brainfoggy today me: *laughs personably* well, it's been hot out him: oh no, I'm from socal, it's /cold/ here. I wore longsleeves today. me, gesturing to my longsleeves: I KNOW RIGHT!??!????

Today I am practicing GOOD Vintage Story habits that will NOT get me killed: >putting my sulferic acid in the same bottle rack as my vegetable broth >they are both yellow.

Let’s check in on how Jared and Ivanka’s luxury Albanian resort is doing…

Obi Wan Kenobi has become my Tomodachi Island's #1 slut. He keeps getting crushes on every man he meets. He's crushed on Kazuma TWICE. He currently wants to fuck Demmy (my OC). Dude's pent up I guess. Fuck a Jedi once and he fucks for a day but take off his chastity belt and he fucks for life.

Poor Cheetos was napping and missed her nightly gawking in confusion at me brushing my teeth. She's sitting in the bathroom slow-blinking at me waiting for me to stick the Thing in my mouth, but alas it's already happened. Is this even more confusing to her? Does she perhaps prefer it this way?

2 sentence horror story: No one's ever made a pizza with mayonnaise before. Might be good!

me high off my ass the day after binging episodes 1-24 of death note frantically google searching "how to have sex with soichiro yagami" "soichiro yagami how to sex him" "sex soichiro yagami tutorial" "have real sex with soichiro yagami tutorial" "soichiro yagami sex real"

dude what if demons were REAL and they found the WORST GUY EVER

death note was for us millennials what digital circus is doing for gen z

I love being a DM I get to say shit to ppl like "Hey it's Wednesday - don't forget to write your will!❤️"

There is nothing more heartbreaking in this awful world than someone who relies on you crying for your help and knowing there's nothing you can do - not to help, not to comfort, not even to explain. ^ a youtube ad interrupted cheetos's cat TV birds video

angel just woke up n texted me smth (she has work like 4 hours) so i went into her room and Out Loud went "good thing angel's asleep so i can do that thing i do every night where I eat all her snacks" and then made Really Loud Plastic Bag Noises next to her snack shelf for like 3 minutes

He has a crush on Kazuma Asogi and this is their fault.

shouts out 2 protein gotta be my favorite type of molecule

this tone tag shit is easy. jk = joking s = sarcasm srs = serious pos = piece of shit lh = luteinizing hormone

the gr8 thing about chronicles is, one of the duology's *primary central twists* is that sherlock holmes was Pulling The Strings All Along, and then, *one case later* SLAPS you on the face with "but he COMPLETELY MISSED THIS ONE EXTREMELY HUGE IMPORTANT FACT THAT *IMPLODES EVERYTHING"*

funfact: cats aren't real. They were invented for the book series "Warriors" by Harper Collins.