OhBlimey

Walter Koenig has left the stage, still looking for the nukleer wessel.

Chris Mason “Well, what could Healey do in the budget that would really address the nation’s problems?” Laura Kuenssberg “Well, I’d like a free parking space”

£150,000 pa consultants will strike for a 5 hour cut in their NHS week. Giving them more time to earn in their private practices?

As we await tonight’s high winds, it’s good to know our Northern Power Grid is wholly owned and operated by … a company in Des Moines, Iowa.

Once again, Droylsden snubbed. Olympic bid, snubbed; Euro Song Contest at the Concorde Suite (pictured) snubbed; G20 conference, snubbed … but now the town “next to Littlemoss” fails to make the shortlist for City of Culture 2029. Devastated.

Ongoing Energy Swindle … EDF owes me £399.12. But it takes (and least) six weeks for the money to leave their bank. Multiply that by the number of customers who change their supplier….

Would he say the opposite?

Outside and inside, the porridge preparations …

Moving air freight to empty Teesside airport (with its empty railway line) would drive growth in the right place and relieve London congestion.

Laura Kuenssberg “You’re talking shiite again about Andy Burnham and Manchester City” Chris Morris “Thank you”

Haarland’s mum must be so happy with his proper haircut. I’m reminded of dad, asking my mom, “Was his hair always pink?”

Putin “Ok Donald, you kill the Iranians and I’ll kill the Ukrainians” Trump “And the diesel will arrive before the midterm elections?”

Chris Mason “Bad night for Burnham in Holborn and St Pancras…” Laura Kuenssberg “But he won” Chris Mason “It’s the way I tell ‘em”

Come up with anti-Burnham stories or face redundancy, BBC Tory bosses tell over-staffed sports and news journos ….

SOCIALIST WAY TO REDUCE ‘WELFARE’ Millions of folk on low wages are in receipt of housing benefit. No problem. But if the company distributes profits to share holders or in dividends to directors, then the state should recover that money from the employer.

The Tory party, that couldn’t get a train from Birmingham to London for £102billion - announces a war shield for the whole UK - for £10billion. Ten times less.

I can forgive everything, if it has a great opening. Reader, it has….

If Farage was subject to the same scrutiny as Manchester City he’d be in the Isthmian League 4 already.

Dear Chris Mason, Every single thing the prime minister said to you is correct - and perfectly proper. You are twisting his words to make up a story to justify your salary - which is three times more than his.

Do you ever wonder who’s writing this generation of nasty sneering Tory lies on here, X, Facebook, Instagram…? It’s the same folk who partied and got themselves MBEs, while our relatives died of Covid.

Yet another one. I’ve lost count … except for the cost of these cowboys. And for the insults and sneers they have left us with.

Chris Mason “Got him! Burnham is in a right pickle” Laura Kuenssberg “For proposing proportional representation?” Mason “For being elected mayor of Manchester - several years after City broke the football rules” Laura “You mean it has nothing to do with him?” Chris “Did I say that?”

Dear Daily Mail reader, If the government doubled the state pension you would still have to sell your house to pay for care. Have you really got £500,000 in savings? No? Then support Andy Burnham. He guarantees big pension increases till 2030, and then guarantees it will at least match inflation.

Events in Fairford revealed to be next week’s Alex Bellios puzzle. “Five blokes in three white vans park outside your farm. One of them calls 999 ….”

Oddly, within hours of Andy Burnham announcing public-owned competition, Northern Powergrid (owned by Berkshire Hathaway in Des Moines, Iowa who left 240,000 northerners powerless) … write to me, telling me how much they care about me.

Trump says he’s close to diesel deal with Fairford Five.

Coming to a future approaching us.

Make Teesside airport the hub for airfreight - (UK least-used runway and rail station) - creat 500,000 jobs in the north - save London from need for extra housing, doctors, hospitals, … traffic.

Why not get Manchester City to buy England a winning team?

Jesus would tell you to fuck off. God would push your fetid bowler hats up your hypocritical arses.

Dear Andy, (Everyone telling you what to do) but why not make Teesside airport (least used UK airport, least used English rail line) the cargo hub for the UK; create 500,000 jobs up north and save all that housing, school, road, NHS spend, on yet another London runway?

There never was going to be an early election: that was just the Tory media and it toyboys desperately trying to get the Conservatives about Farage in the polls.

“I often occurs to me while reading [Anita] Brookner’s novels …. “ How many spare lives does Andrew O’Hagan have?

“The Free Press is off but you can share my Narcism and Decrepitude’ “Thank you but I’ll stick to Rare Earths and have the Taiwan for desert”

Reform councillors vote to close 10nurseries in South Tyneside. BBC Look North doesn’t mention it’s a Reform council.

Universities have a duty of care for all their students. Therefore no one should be accepted if they have not been vaccinated against meningitis.

Laura Kuenssberg “How did Burnham manage with Trump?” Chris Mason “I’ll tell you when I’ve read the Daily Mail”

Looking for Thornton Wilder meets Elizabeth Strout (with maybe just a tiddle of Carson McCullers) … it’s a bit longer than I expected….

Newspapers like football teams need foreign audiences for income generation. Hence, New Zealand bird of the year (monthly) in the Guardian. But who the hell reads all those columns by all those handwringing Uriah Heaps? It’s like having a boorish uncle at the kitchen table every breakfast.

How much is the Daily Mail paying Spencer to piss on Charles? And how much would his book be worth if he didn’t?

Dear Jim Ratcliffe, Manchester United lost a two goal lead - for the first time in 50 years. And you’ve lost confidence in us?

Chris Mason “Big interview with Earl Spencer” Laura Kuenssberg “I never cross the Daily Mail”

As Trump is increasingly shrink wrapped by his own malign hand, we are increasingly aware of the Putin parallels. And the scorched earth terrors ahead.

Chris Morris: “So Andy Burnham is keeping his promise to tackle pensioner poverty” Laura Kuenssberg: “Let’s say they’ll all leave the country to dodge the socialist wealth tax”

I thought Jon Ronson was the chap who over-produced Amy Winehouse’ records.

And so it perpetuates …

Ludwig spotted feeling his way across the pitch black set of Vigil.

My second pre-budget suggestion for the chancellor - a tax on budget predictions - with a super tax on dire warnings.