The Guz XCX

There is no force on earth more evil than guys with white goatees

*deniro voice* You blinding me with science? You blinding me with science? Then who the hell else are you blinding- You blinding -me- with science?!

I love it when my viewing of The Poughkeepsie Tapes is interrupted by an ad for Ninja Luxe Café espresso machines

There is a level of evil in rural Ohio & Pennsylvania that does not exist in West Virginia. Why? Maybe WV has not yet tasted of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?

White people like to say "my mini-pig talks about the intersection of 'true crime' and parapolitics & I laugh b/c she's just a cute little mini-pig!"

White people are like "My mini-pig just loves the new churro place in Echo Park."

But the R remembers your F And the S knows your N

White people like to say "My mini-pig misses the Beverly Center"

You will know they/them by their fruits (?!)

White people like to say "My mini-pig has ARFID"

White people like to ask "Do you know who else has a mini pig?"

White people like to say "If Theory is willing to make a size 18 pantsuit they can damn well make one that fits a mini pig!"

White people like to say "My mini pig is on the Tracy Anderson Method"

I had a dream that there was a new board game called "Darth Checkers", which was basically regular checkers only all the pieces on both side were black.

Celeb ig is funny bc it's fine dining in Barcelona, the Louvre, haute couture, the Amalfi coast, and then a shot of everyone playing UNO 🙄

On vacation I saw an older woman (60+) at the beach, in a chair set up in the surf. And from a distance, I could clearly tell she was reading... The Diary of Anne Frank

Hear me out... a cuck treadmill

Came so close to calling someone "Doctor Dictionary" on reddit...

When I found out his character's full name was "Will N. Grace" 😳

Cosby, Pills & Nash

Cosby, Stills & Nash

🎶 Almond cream cake in the house tonight Everybody wants to have a good bite And we goin' make your pants so tight Everybody wants to have a good bite 🎶

Jake O'Balordee

Smoking that shit that made Jane err

Behold, my accomplishment 😎

I'd rather be an Okefenokee from Muskogefenokee

*me, down on one knee* --Honey, will you divorce me?-- *wife, tears in her eyes* -Of course I will you knucklehead- *I slide the rings off her finger and never see or speak to her again*

People who call their sports team "we" should not be allowed to vote or get a driver's license

"Love Actually" is a Christmas movie

I called it "my go-go juice" in public 🤦🏻

**Trump voice** (enunciating) "A licky...boom boom...down..."

Olivia Nuzzi: "You are the breeze in desert for me." "My water." "And ocean." "Meant to be only together tiger." Jeffrey Epstein: "...madam, are you familiar with Alvin Toffler?"

Staten Island (derogatory)

Whatever happened to Grover Norquist? He's been awful quiet lately...

You can be whatever you want

It's not even a joke that trump will be the president most closely associated with diapers and diarrhea

We need an American Paul Kigame

It's okay to demonize bad people

For He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

Hiding baldness by shaving your entire head down to the skin is even more cowardly than getting a toupee

MC Serch walked so El-P could run

It should be legal to throw batteries at doge employees

The works of man sicken me

Prediction - Ghislane Maxwell will be a guest speaker at #cpac in 2026