Parody Nigel Farage

Can't wait to read Liz Truss's new book.

Thank you to the hundreds of devoted supporters who were there to cheer me on at the press conference today.

Can't wait to read Liz Truss's new book.

Thank you to the hundreds of devoted supporters who were there to cheer me on at the press conference today.

Our unstoppable march to power contin... WHAT THE FUCK?! 12 points behind Labour?

Here I am with the winner of Clacton's annual 'Point At A Twat' competition.

MY LETTER TO THE PEOPLE OF CLACTON: Discover the truth about my £250,000 donation to good causes in Clacton. Subscribe for free to get these straight to your inbox. parodypm.substack.com/p/my-letter-...

Feeling a bit rough this morning after being up all night comforting Richard Tice, who was crying hysterically.

It is disgraceful that Andy Burnham took an hour out to appear on Gogglebox just to raise money for Stand Up To Cancer. If he's going to do a TV show he should do what I did and pocket £1.5million for eating some kangaroo bollocks.

Just a reminder to all Reform UK members to put your clocks back to 1936 tonight.

Why the only logical response to discovering that your party is full of racists is to sue the arse off the people who point it out. Please spare a few minutes to check out my essay in Nigel's Notebook: parodypm.substack.com/p/the-key-le...

I'm the ideal person to lecture teachers on hard work, since I’m usually too busy with my 12 side grifts to bother turning up for the full-time job I’m paid to do and because I had the 4th worst attendance record out of 751 MEPs in the EU Parliament.

MY LETTER TO THE PEOPLE OF CLACTON Discover the truth about my £250,000 donation to good causes in Clacton. Subscribe for free to get these straight to your inbox. parodypm.substack.com/p/my-letter-...

The latest hot news that we will definitely not be holding a press conference about is that yesterday there were by-elections in three district councils, one city council and one county council and Reform lost in all of them. Our unstoppable march to power continues.

Take a moment to remember what we promised Brexit would deliver: a well-funded NHS, less immigration, more jobs, flourishing businesses with no red tape, easy to get on the housing ladder, boom time for farming, fishing and steel industries... I do hope you're enjoying it.

Following ITV's undercover investigation, Reform are taking decisive action. We're going to sue the arse off ITV for breaking the law and traumatising our staff. Full details in the new Nigel's Notebook: parodypm.substack.com/p/the-key-le...

Today, I have mostly been in Plymouth to spout bollocks about the economy, in an effort to distract attention from my dodgy financial dealings and the fact that my party is full of racists and perverts.

We are spending Ben Delo's £36m donation on producing a new propaganda newspaper, The Reformer. Then we are spending Chris Harborne's £36m donation on the postage bill when everyone sends it back to us one page at a time using the Freepost addresses below:

Congratulations to Richard Tice on his marriage to Isabel Oakeshott, eight years after first shagging her behind his wife's back.

The Exposure documentary showing undercover footage of many Reform officials being racist and sexist is on ITV at 10.20pm tonight, so whatever you do, don't watch it.

"You boy, have any Reform councillors been exposed as racist morons today yet?"

Why do undercover journalists always pick on Reform? How come they never target organisations that aren't full of racists, misogynists and sex pests?

Do spare a few minutes this weekend to read my latest 'Nigel's Notebook' entry about 'Operation Simplistic Bollocks', our brilliant plan to stop the asylum system. parodypm.substack.com/p/our-plan-t...

Who can honestly say they haven't launched into a racist diatribe or fantasised about bathing their grown up daughter after being 'provoked' by someone listening to us?

Several vacancies have arisen for Reform councillors. Anyone wishing to be considered as a candidate should be a committed racist and sexual pervert who supports Tommy Robinson but has recently deleted their entire social media history.

We will be taking legal action against ITV for the well known criminal offence of filming people while they reveal exactly who they are.

The Telegraph must be so proud of helping me pretend that the main takaway from the exposure of racist Reform councillors is that investigative journalists should be prosecuted.

I just don’t understand it. What is it about my racist party full of racist people with racist ideas that seems to attract racists?

We have carried out an internal inquiry into the ITV undercover investigation and I can confirm that everyone in Reform is totally blameless.

In preparation for the ITV undercover investigation of Reform UK I am preparing my response: -It was just locker room banter -That’s how people talk outside the Westminster bubble -The person being racist was just a contractor -The investigation was illegal and we are suing them

Read all about 'Operation Simplistic Bollocks', our latest attempt to appeal to racist numbskulls while distracting attention from my £5m dodgy gift. parodypm.substack.com/p/our-plan-t...

On the birthday of Margaret Thatcher, let us take a moment to remember what a cruel, heartless piece of shit she was.

Ukraine has hit a huge Russian data centre linked to bot farms. In unrelated news, does anyone know why every Reform account on Twitter is getting hardly any likes and shares?

Hmmm… who to believe… Andy Burnham or the compulsive liar who got sacked twice for lying, lied to Parliament, lied to The Queen, cheated on two wives and ignored the Ministerial Code. Tricky one.

I'm grateful to Justin Webb on Radio 4 this morning for letting Zia Yusuf repeatedly blame all the problems of the NHS on asylum seekers without challenge, as if it is an accepted fact.

For those wondering why I have not condemned Donald Trump's decision to buy Russian deisel, it's just that I think it's a great idea because I too am a Russian stooge and a traitor.

If you have a few minutes to spare, do take a look at the latest entry in ‘Nigel’s Notebook’. It's all about our internal inquiry in which we find ourselves completely innocent. Subscribe for free to get these straight to your inbox. parodypm.substack.com/p/we-find-ou...

Donald Trump presents Elon Musk with the highly coveted 'Ket-Addled Nazi Dipshit Of The Year' award.

Please ignore the fact that small boat crossings are down 44%, deportations are at their highest level in ten years and immigration is 82% lower.

“Not Guilty!” Read my latest entry in ‘Nigel’s Notebook’ to find out all about the completely objective and not at all biased internal inquiry into our total innocence. parodypm.substack.com/p/we-find-ou...

Zia is right - Robert Jenrick should never again be allowed anywhere near power.

Latest approval ratings for party leaders. I thought populists were meant to be popular..?

The person responsible for carrying out the totally independent investigation into Reform and clearing the party of all wrongdoing has been identified.

On the anniversary of the Hamas attack, I will mostly be forgetting that my former schoolmates said I marched through a village shouting Hitler Youth songs, hung around outside Jewish prayers to abuse Jewish boys by making hissing noises and singing “gas ‘em all”.

Like I said, Andrew Tate is "an important voice for young men". Oh, and a pedo nonce.

Suspended sentence for man found to have a collection of more than 114,000 indecent images of children. Tommy Robinson and co are going to be all over this. They'll be SO angry... Just you wait... Any second now... ...

I love talking our country down While offering no solutions Because I’m a grifting gobshite Who likes to incite unrest Small boat crossings are down 44% Deportations are the highest in 10 years Immigration is 82% lower But who needs facts When you can make up lies

Reform Councillor and group leader Ryan Coogan has been arrested for making false statements on nomination papers. It’s a mystery why a party whose leadership are under investigation by the police, NCA and Parliamentary Commissioner seems to attract so many dodgy characters...

For a long time I have heard rumours that you strangle kittens for fun and worship Satan. I have never believed it and still don’t. Am I doing this right?

Full marks to Bobby J for not bothering to mention that this was entirely due to being given £45 million from the Labour government and told to do it. Even a Reform council couldn't fuck that up.