Patch Bohan

Call me prudish but YES, fucking animals should be a disqualifier.

Playing the Wolverine game and I got to say I kind of wish there was a Mystique game.

Massive congestion at airports but at least Sean Duffy let us all know he likes staring at Sydney Sweeney’s boobs.

For the first time in history my phone actually autocorrected to “fuck” when I wanted to say “fuck.” There is hope for the world.

There are few problems in life that can’t be solved with a quick google search.

AI can’t understand sarcasm which is why it will never win.

The Cluemaster puzzles are way easier than the Riddler puzzles and I feel like this was done on purpose.

"She's beautiful. She's gorgeous!" *sees the Trump tattoo* "No thanks." *BLOCKED*

Never trust a news source that doesn’t know the difference between “two” and “too”

Saw a picture of Tara Reid and I couldn't remember her name. So what film did I type into IMDB to remind me? American Pie? Van Wilder? Josie and the Pussycats? NO! Sharknado!!!

Watching The Simpsons and something confuses me about Milhouse; Is Puppy Googoo real or a stuffed animal? Because sometimes he has a dog and sometimes he has a stuffed animal and they look EXACTLY THE SAME!

Somebody tried to say “you must be a teacher” to me as if it were an insult. When did intelligence become a negative? When did we decide learning was bad?

Anybody else remember Transmetropolitan? Yeah, we ain’t buying it.

Looking at a bunch of used books and saw a leather-bound notebook. Despite all the horror movies I've seen I picked it up. Sadly it was blank. . . . . I may be possessed by a demon now.

Quote post with something good that lasted longer than the Confederacy (1861-1865) Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993-1999)

Flour comes from a plant, sugar comes from a plant, and chocolate comes from a plant. So, basically a chocolate chip cookie is a salad. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

I'm curious about something; how much have hatchet sales increased since the latest Resident Evil game came out?

People who haven't committed a crime don't randomly give speeches saying they didn't commit a crime.

Every time I make fun of “Leon Tusk” I get some stupid bot asking me to join his fan club. Dude, I am MOCKING him. AI needs to learn insults.

President INEPSTEIN 🚫👑

Me blocking someone...

Once the 2nd season of Starfleet Academy airs I am getting rid of Paramount+

Tried to comment on Instagram and it will let me say “fucking” but it won’t let me say “idiot.”

Look I’m just saying, if Family Guy can reduce all three Lord of the Rings films into a six minute segment then there was no reason why The Hobbit had to be three movies.

Leonardo Donatello Michelangelo Raphael

These are just good rules for life in general.

The official posture of 2026: reclined acceptance - I stopped fighting reality and upgraded my lumbar support.

Watching Fallout and a trailer for Melania played. I have never extended my middle finger faster in my life.

This “guy” on instagram is really upset I am insulting the parentage of ICE agents. But he’s kind of proving me right as well.

When someone tries telling me I must not be a real Star Trek fan.

My targeted ads are telling me I need tattoos and a new wallet. No thanks, I'm good.

Driving back from the grocery store and I see a bassinet strapped to the back of a truck and I think to myself “This is Florida. There’s a 50/50 chance that there’s still a baby in there.”

Folks as you pick up your family and friends from the airport this holiday season please remember that MTV's Sean Duffy can suck multiple giant bags of dicks. Like all the bags.

Going into 2026 like...

A movie that takes place where you're from

"I could smell the onions and mustard."

PSA: Do not use google maps in a Mall. It will not help you find your store, it will just take you to the Mall entrance.

Watching Nightbeast and I am sure I have seen this monster design before, but not sure where.

Just watched a really good horror movie; House of the Long Shadows. Peter Cushing, Vincent Price AND Christopher Lee. Worth checking out.

James Earl Jones reading the Raven is still one of the best Treehouse of Horror segments ever.

This is my dance about how much transphobes suck.

If you haven’t deleted your Disney+ The Simpsons are streaming all of the Treehouse of Horror episodes.

On an unrelated note, please don't have sparklers at my funeral.

Jimmy Kimmel got pulled off the air for talking about Charlie Kirk. Wow. Imagine if he said something really offensive like giving lethal injections to homeless people. Can't imagine the punishment he'd be getting then. /s

Just sitting in my room listening to a particular Queen song.