Phil Nugent

She couldn’t even kill full-grown cats. Certainly not elderly cats who would claw a motherfucker and had three paws in the grave. No, when she was planning and looking ahead to her inevitable moment in the sun as a media star, she wanted the headlines to read, “Amy Acton’s Mother Killed Kittens.”

I think we l knew it would come down to Shatner and Takei, the last men standing, made stronger by their dark lust for revenge. When George slips onto the grounds of Bill’s estate tonight, may the gods light his path and remind him to step carefully. Shatner coats his Punji sticks with Romulan poo.

The final week of October is the time for the most joyous annual holiday ritual in my life: trying to decide how many boxes of Count Chocula I can hoard in the garage before being forced to admit I have a problem.

Trump’s 1300-word Truth Social post about Bill Maher is the kind of thing that gives a bad name to multiple-disc super-extended director’s-cut reissues of movies everybody’s already seen five times.

Now Playing: HORROR OF DRACULA (1958). Hi, I’m Phil, and after 37 years of being genuinely curious about it, I have just realized that Tim Burton wanted Michael Gough to play Alfred in BATMAN because he functioned as a Hammer horror in-joke.

Now Playing: DRACULA HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE (1968). Not counting gag cameos (THE MAGIC CHRISTIAN, ONE MORE TIME), Christopher Lee played Dracula in ten feature films. This is the one where the juvenile lead looks so much like a lobotomized Roger Daltrey that it’s hard to get past it.

Now Playing: Mike Flanagan’s CARRIE on Amazon Prime Video. I get the impression Mike Flanagan is regarded as an “idea man” of modern horror. Here’s an idea for you, Mike: KEEP BRIAN DE PALMA’S NAME OUT OF YOUR SEWER MOUTH!!

Not long ago, if a Canadian author won the Nobel Prize, my chauvinism was pliable enough that I could feel a bit of a proud connection, "Hey, she's practically one of ours. You go, little sister!" Now, Canada is just one more country going, "HA ha! In your face, Joyce Carol Oates!"

R.I.P. Patricio Guzmán. You should definitely watch THE BATTLE OF CHILE. You know, as a tribute to its director. It’s sure not as if it has some kind of topical interest.

Trump says that he saw thousands of Muslims in New York and New Jersey celebrating the terrorist attacks on September 12, 2001. But the parade that locals threw together a few blocks from where he was standing to honor his visit to Ireland? He says, nah, sadly, he missed it,

All I’m saying is that if you look at a picture of any random assortment of rock-affiliated celebrities making the scene in Los Angeles in the 1970s, Harry Nilsson is going to be the one who looks as if he’s extremely troubled about the situation in East Timor.

I was reading A BRUEF HISTORY OF 7 KILLINGS when my wife got her Ph.D, and the day she defended her dissertation, I bought BLACK LEOPARD, RED WOLF at the campus bookstore, so I always get a nice buzz from seeing Marlon James’s name.It feels as if he and my wife and I went through some shit together.

Now Playing: STUART FAILS TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE. Funny thing: I grew up on a cattle farm, yet somehow, I’ve never bothered to find out what “chewing one’s cud” means, in the literal, bovine sense. Until now. Ewwwwwwwww

This guy makes whoever came up with “Freedom Fries” look clever.

Deputy Grayson has died of colon cancer, because God has a terrific sense of humor, and the angels have learned to recognize the smirk that means he's thinking, “What if this scumbag was killed by his own asshole?”

Happy birthday, great American artist, devoted hat enthusiast, and transplanted soul of New Orleans George Herriman

Now Playing: the Netflix import HUMAN VAPOR. I need a dancing sunflower with oversized sunglasses for my kitchen counter and I need it yesterday!

Happy National Black Cat Appreciation Day

The newer generation of right-wing billionaire douchebags all look like Tony Goldwyn in THE 6TH DAY. I don’t know whether the credit belongs to God or their plastic surgeons, but somebody’s got a taste for deep cuts and one hell of a sense of humor.

Happy birthday, Finney

Now Playing: ANIMAL CRACKERS. When Groucho razzes Chico about his piano playing, Margaret Dumont looks as if she’s suppressing laughter and makes “Oh, you naughty boy!” faces. SHE KNEW WHICH LINES WERE THE JOKES! ANYBODY WHO SAYS OTHERWISE CAN GET STUFFED!

Both of the adult dogs looked up from nap time to see me petting and speaking baby talk to the puppy and now they’re giving me this shit.

Thank you, lord, for allowing me to live long enough to see people on the internet complaining that Jeff Daniels isn’t jacked and sexy enough to play Ronald Reagan.

My new hobby is listening to day-old podcasts after a big election and listening to people say about the candidate who lost, “If you look the polling, it’s clear they’re unbearable.”

“Adolf Hitler, on a two-day pass from Hell, shows up next. The play is a work in progress.”

Now Playing: “Send Help”. I love Dylan O’Brien, and he’s perfect in this. I have to wonder, though: after Rachel McAdams was hired, did they even consider trying to get Ryan Gosling?

Now Playing: “The Other Bennet Sister” on BritBox. Ryan Sampson, who plays Mr. Collins, has a great career ahead of him. Every BBC casting director needs somebody in their contacts who can make David Mitchell look suave.

I feel as if I’ve seen enough of Ken Russell’s “The Devils”. The version I’ve seen twice runs about an hour and 40 minutes. That feels like a full meal to me. I’m not going to die feeling unfulfilled because I never got to see Vanessa Redgrave boxing the Jesuit with Oliver Reed’s charred femur.

“He was some kind of a man. What does it matter what you say about people?”

Current Mood

The morning headline on one of the thousands of email newsletters sitting in my inbox reads, “The Free Press Was Never Supposed to Sit Quietly Beside Power.” This confused the bejesus out of me until I read the first paragraph and realized it was referring to the free press, not The Free Press.

I for one think it’s adorable that Kash Patel thinks he can be defamed.

I spent some pleasurable time contemplating a gallery of pictures of Gillian Anderson. Then I saw that whoever curated these images had grouped them together under the heading, “Gillian Anderson, side profiles.” I plan to spend the day sitting in this chair, wondering if there is any other kind.

Here’s hoping Roberts kidnapped her cat or something.

Now Playing: MARGO’S GOT MONEY TROUBLES. It’s just mid-April, but so far, the funniest non-JD-Vance-humiliation-related thing I’ve seen on TV this year is this baby’s facial expression upon learning that his grandfather is Nick Offerman.

He should smile more.

Pope Leo: “Shizzz! I ain’t afraid of you mofos!”

“Fertilizer monopoly” needs to become to Trump’s presidency what “shining city on a hill” was to Reagan’s.

Pope Leo: “Shizzz! I ain’t afraid of you mofos!”

Rod Dreher placed on suicide watch.

We can be heroes, just for one day.