Phil

Elevator pitch. Always Sunny VR game, but it's just the bit where Mac and Charlie beat up those kids. #steamframe

"I'm a-gonna, I'm a-gonna, I'm a-gonna tell ya'. I'm a-gonna tell ya' how it is..." #primus #primussucks #grizz

Why does Spotify always call their generated playlists some weird shit? Do I want to listen to Car Engine Pregnant Horse Bootyshorts Saturday Evening? Or maybe some Cat Drank The Suncream Classic MILF Emo Wednesday Brunch? NATO must respond. #spotify

Thinking of putting my hand in the shredder to see if the blood spatter can be read like tea leaves. UPDATE: Whats the swear-word version of Eureka?

BREAKING NEWS PlayStation 6 to bring back the little stash pocket, like the OG PS2, announces SIE CEO Hideaki Nishino. We spoke to a Sony spokesperson, who told us "We just wanted to help our customers hide the bud from mum and dad." #Ps6 #playstation

"Mmm. What a dry cider." First mistake you made was not getting a wet one. I'll buy the next round. Jesus wept.

They should rename pride month prime month and Jeff Bezos (El Jeffé) should give me ten million dollars or like maybe a gift card.

Does Doc ever explain to Marty exactly WHO Great Scott is? Back to The Future? Back to the fucking drawing board, mate. Shit script pissing me off. #bttf

If Rayman ever tried to punch me I would steal his hand.

They should invent an alcoholic cigarette. #innovation

I was looking forward to the Steam machine heralding more Linux-friendly decisions from devs/publishers like the Steam Deck did. Can't see it happening now. I just don't think it'll achieve the sales numbers required to become a priority for devs. #steammachine #900dollarydoos

Invented a new cocktail. I basically start with a blue lagoon, but throw in some Dr Pepper. I call it a Dr Goon, and- #cocktail

Anyone else struggling to beat Liquid Richard during his second phase, when he starts chasing you in Metal Gear Countach? (I've already gotten the codec call where Colonel Clarkson tells you to pour gravy on his car seat.) #topgear #metalgear #metalgearsolid #secondfloorbasement #ps1

Looking at getting into listening to music. What are some good starter songs? (Nothing with too many notes, I'm looking for something simple to get me started.)

Space shuttles don't have turn signals, and they aren't road legal. This is just one of many reasons why they will fail in the consumer market.

Does anyone ever have just one mump? One measle? Research must be done.

i let my son punch me in the head and i tell him the day you can kill me in one blow is the day you officially become a Teen

Cancelling my novel to spend more time working on my next novel.

Sonic drops all his rings when he gets hit. You'd think being a product of the 90's, he'd be more likely to have a chain of them hanging from his waist or something.

STIs: Myth Vs. Fact theonion.com/stis-my...

Nobody: These fuckn eyelashes: lemme fall in this nigga eyeball

Feels like I'm running out of time to finish up work on my Doomsday device.

Just finished my second album. #musicproduction www.bandlab.com/phlap/albums...

Thank you for fixing my Logitech F710, which required me fucking around in the registry.

BREAKING: CD Projekt has unveiled The Witcher 4 with a six-minute trailer that confirms Ciri as protagonist. bit.ly/3Zy0WiX #TheGameAwards

I thought it was odd that I got a physical copy of this for so cheap. The graphics are incredible, but I'm not really feeling the gameplay.

Imagine being "at-large". What a rush...

What your FBI agent sees when you delete your internet history. #doctorwho

gn

Imagine if someone only discovered the idea of death in their 20's. They'd never come across it before, purely by chance. Never had a friend/family member pass away, never saw anything on the news or in books, TV, movies etc... Then, WHAM! Revelation. It's as common as you think...

Sleeping Dogs is criminally underrated. A man who never eats pork bun is never a whole man. #SleepingDogs

Hitchhiking is the biggest scam. You aren't hitching anything, and you sure as hell aren't hiking. Absolute joke.

Teen pregnancy drops off pretty sharply at age 20. Why is nobody talking about this?

Most "Battle-Pass" shooters lure players in with Pic 1, then absolutely blindsides them with Pic 2. You sit there, playing your cool military FPS, only for a bunch of Teletubbies et al to show up a month after launch. Is it so wrong to want CoD to look like CoD for more than a month? #blackops6

The meal deal section in the Tesco nearest to the Daily Mail's offices must be the most war-torn place in Britain.

Via our parent company @globaltetrahedron.bsky.social CEO @brycetetraeder.bsky.social: theonion.com/heres-why-i-...

Always 💖 Don't make me tap the sign

On Christmas, every real-time strategy game should enable a feature where your troops and the enemy troops all cease taking orders, and play a friendly game of football instead. Tesla Trooper can be the goalie. #RedAlert2

Metal Gear Solid 2 was impressive, but the ending was very abrupt. Why would Kojima end the game by having Colonel Campbell tell me to switch off the PS2? Very odd narrative choice.

There is only one gender, and it's the good ol' US of A! 🇰🇵 🐌

Bring back gout. Now that was a classy malady. The stuff of pharaoh's...

Plural? I don't need it. I'm fine with the word I already have.