HELL WIZARD

—“Define yourself in one word.” —“No.”

Red Bull at morning, white boys warning. Red Bull at night, white boys delight

the respected pussy

Suicide Forest Gump

I tried to send someone a video of when I had a severe stroke but I accidentally sent them a video of me jacking off. I couldn’t tell them apart, I came in both of them

I’m really glad I named my son Wet. he’s dead btw

Hildegaard of Bingen with some big ass HH cups out

my wife keeps trying to get me to watch this show called The Asian Doctors of George Penis

they should make a toilet with an extreme anterior tilt

@jamberee13.bsky.social I showed my wife @relative-void.bsky.social the possum pictures and they got delighted as fuck. you two would get along great

ME: you’ll never guess why they call me The Kidnapper POLICE: is it because of all the people you’ve kidnapped ME: so you’ve solved my devious riddle…

he just gets me. I get off on depriving others of their joy

this sounds like a drug I manifested using evil forces

discontiguated

a zone of non-world

many don’t know this, but the shape of the first two atomic bombs dropped on civilian locations were in the shape of basketballs. the planes that hit the twin towers? basketballs. Big Bertha, the Nazi war cannon that shelled Britain from across the channel, fired basketballs as rounds

@christinelove.bsky.social I vaguely recall us being mutuals MANY years ago

I was yelled at recently for saying “have a great summer” to Merle, the boy who dies every summer. I was told it was insensitive

I hate going to st Jude’s children’s hospital. those children are terrible doctors

This news is important because all the fucks out there actively attempting to wreck the world want you to think that the work is hopeless and just mitigating the worst case scenario. It's not. Fucking keep going.

they remade The Coffee Table shot by shot but now it’s called The Basketball and all the stuff that happened in it happened because of a basketball

I heard in the new Kingdom Hearts they have Sora discover jacking off and you have to do it via a mini game. if you dont don’t do the mini game intermittently Sora gets really angry and yoh can’t control him

Lik Diarrhea(ASS)’ new hit single “Bitch I’m Saladin”

blankets are really nice. the government doesn’t want you to know this. it’s why they killed JFK. he was going to give a speech and everything

a stand power that makes people within arms reach gay unless the sun hits them just right

Gregor Samsa woke from troubling dreams to discover overnight his butt had been transformed into a butt that didn’t have any diarrhea in it anymore even though he liked it and wanted it.

I woke up from a nightmare that I couldn’t eat anymore diarrhea. I was sweating so bad. I was so relieved when my gallon ziploc bag of diarrhea was still warm on my nightstand

I entered the pussy cube and all they had was cavernous hallways and one enormous extremely desirable egg

bisexuality? yeah I love to have sex twice

I’ve been getting “slicked out”

*pitching bits to myself* ME: Mosquito Water ME: no, that’s just still water ME: Hot Dog Woman ME: save that one. next? ME: Pussy Cube ME: *nodding* okay okay

when I have diarrhea it’s actually super cold like I have ice water coming out of my butt

I love notes from editors. they’re always so good