Tamper Proof Lid

20 Aug 2024

Every night I get in bed and assume this position until my wife hits me with a rolled up newspaper

Tamper Proof Lid reposted

Himbo Deluxe

@verylarge.bsky.social

Inventing erotic stretching routines at my desk. I have a thoroughly captivated gallery. HR have put out a wet floor sign, but taken no further action.

Tamper Proof Lid reposted

30 Oct 2025

Paying $48 to see the new dumbass steben king movie and loudly shouting “Fuck this steben king-ass shit” over and over until someone drowns me with a commemorative $17 soda cup 🥤

Tamper Proof Lid reposted

24 Oct 2025

Somebody should slap steben king dumb ass for coming up with some dumb shit like ‘It’ the fuck

You simply must laugh

People don’t fuckint know Shit

13m

She Fort on my Totten til I Transfer

View full thread

12m

She Red Line to my Glenmont til I Last Stop

11m

Fuckint tears of joy in my eyes I have so many to do with the time I have left on earth 🥺 #Blessed

12m

Putting on your little uniform and having the Brewers blast your shit for 10 unanswered runs is so Giving

13m

She Fort on my Totten til I Transfer

13m

Why oh why have I not been doing this shit for the last, all of my years of life where I talked,

15m

Nice of the rays to do all that travel just to get their shit wrecked by the Brewers

14m

Carbon footprint? Hey, who cares; we got A Ass Kicking to get to (our own) -The Tampa Bay Deviled Rays

14m

I have a feeling The Right Person will find this and be Upset

16m

Thankstaking

17m

The blooming onion thing some fuckint crazy time on your hands shit

25m

‘Stop on a Dime’? ..uh huh. I would just pick it up, personally ,

View full thread

23m

‘T know what that means”

23m

People are a wonder

25m

‘Stop on a Dime’? ..uh huh. I would just pick it up, personally ,

25m

The dime is not beneath me

23m

I was like fresh out of college and this guy at one of those commingled work friends of true friends you go to at that age was talking about someone and I was like, yeah, she’s a dime and they were like what. What does- and my buddy who worked with them turned to me and went “he’s from ohio he doesn

29m

“Slobobanned Milobo-“ i begin, commencing my fifteenth vocalized variation in the last three minutes in the metro car before someone skewers me with an umbrella

36m

Now pitching, Lucenzio Vatapulga

Pepin the Swagful

Anglebert the Hoeless

‘True detective’ ? Lol. What was ‘good at being detective’ taken? Lmao. ‘Not bad at it detective’ didn’t work for them? Lmfao

Never seen it

I was asked to “explain what [I] meant” when I said “hoe-less bitches love it” by someone on another team

“Is you dumb?”

This is a team game. And my team is gonna win, bitch

One of my litmus tests for people of about my age who grew up here is seeing how they react when I say “just lunchin’ “

Astonishing number of bitchless freaks based on this (not really astonishing but it’s a lot)

Knew a woman with a giant cat named Gumbo

Dunno what they’re up to, good luck to them

‘M&m’s’? Uh. Mold and mildew? None for me, thanks 🙄

Referring to all the people who sit in the open office area as each other’s siblings. Like, oh thanks for putting that together. Can you send that to your sister so and so, etc.

Tamper Proof Lid reposted

24 Feb

“We missed you at the meeting, TPL!” Bitch I told you not to catch feelings.

Been saying ‘The Economy’ with the “uh” ending on “the” all day and my boss is starting to look at me with the “I know you need this, and I know in need you, but please, just please”

‘American dollars’? Uhh as opposed to what? Martian??

This is like if someone who went to like clemson or something was really into space

They can name all the planets and shit

As someone whose body is suited to the Men’s Medium hoodie but whose neck and arms are suited to the Men’s Large size, the current moment of “regular” “standard” “classic” “loose” and “vintage” are all assaults on my dignity

Oh you want the economy to work? Maybe make sizes that speak to me, directly