CB

Me: This edible isn’t shit. Also Me: I’m pretty sure I can tell what city people are from based off of how they move.

My Zillow faves would give you chills.

A breeze is just the ocean’s yawn.

The wonders persist and so do I.

Mallorca, what is that- an island shopping mall for whales?

If I wanted to make a bajilljon dollars I’d start a CPAP machine company whose slogan was “Got Sleep Apnea? Let’s make Sleep Hapnea!”

Jacksonville Clam Slappers would be a great name for a minor league baseball team.

Mr. Bean should have a podcast called “Full of The Beans”

lol the only celebrity to attend the UFC fight at the White House was Nate Bargatze.

“One of the reasons I moved to Los Angeles was to get closer to whales, so I could record them. I haven’t gotten around to it.” -Nick Miller

If your text is more than two sentences, send a .pdf instead.

There are portals into “Peak-Millennial”. Vampire Weekend’s “A-Punk” is certainly one of them.

Let Nathan Fielder be a judge on Shark Tank.

The Reiki Lake Show.

Dave’s Matthews Band.

CBS dropped the ball when they named it “Young Sheldon” instead of “Mini Cooper”

Had a dream the movie “Lorne” was actually a werewolf movie. The cast all knew and clarified that Lorne’s werewolfness was “more of a cosmic energy”

The older I get the more I love bugs and rocks

Over 40% of global shipping by volume exists to move fossil fuels from one place to another. A huge share of the world's maritime infrastructure has been built around a system that is going to change dramatically as renewable energy and electrification displace fossil fuels.

Noticing an exponential decline in bathroom graffiti puns the last decade.

The real March Madness?? Continuing to use fossil fuels in 2026.

Hamnet…a movie about an internet made out of pork.

They call ‘em “dead-lifts” bc it feels like you’re resurrecting the dead 💪 ☠️

going to a party where you know some people but not most people >

Replace Stephen Colbert with Nathan Fielder on The Late Show.

Trying out high school hours (work stops at 3pm, extracurriculars until 5:00)

Blues Traveler was a ska band.

There should be a touch tunes for grocery stores. Let me DJ in the Trader Joe’s.

Free Jazz implies the existence of “Restrictive Jazz” and possibly “Expensive Jazz”.

Two’s a meeting, three’s a hang.

Weird, but true: 2023 was a decade ago,

“Composing an email” C’mon man whoo do u think you are Mozart?

“Works of pride, by self-called creators, with their premium on originality, reduce the Creation to novelty- the faint surprises of minds incapable of wonder.” -Wendell Berry No better critique of billionaires than if you replace ‘creators’ with ‘innovators’ & ‘originality’ with ‘disruption’.

It should be illegal to use a laptop in public after 7:30pm

“One battle after another,” I say to myself while staring down the relentless bureaucratic processes circumventing my life.

Still time to get down with The Autumn of Scat

Things witnessed at the Ekko Astral show: -Someone getting a dress shoe autographed. -A circle pit AND line dancing. -The entire crowd joining in on a very enthused “fuck Jerry Seinfeld” chant St Louis, real as always.

We’ve had the summer of ska, now it’s time for the autumn of industrial.

Taylor Swift I know you read my skeets… Please have Jason Kelce play saxophone on your next album.

Find me in the club gettin’ wistful.

Working “New Yorker” hours (10am-6pm)

Just figured out the cure to male loneliness: casual chit-chat on the phone. (ABC-always be calling)

Most hilarious timeline would be the Supreme Court overturning the 22nd amendment, he runs for a 3rd term…and so does Obama.

I do not want to partake in a meal delivery service, but I would absolutely pay $500/month for access to a municipal cafeteria.