Bram Cryptfright

For the 35th straight year People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive is The Dude. You know, His Dudeness, or, uh, Duder, or El Duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

Star Trek was one of the first pieces of art I connected to as a little kid. Walter Koenig's vaudevillian antics here are just endearing as they were to a 7 year old, opening weekend, 40 years ago. He'd wow me again on Babylon 5. Thanks for everything, Walter.

His Majesty, Kage, sat for some of his finest portraits to date!

Sometimes I worry I am too much when I vent but then I’ll scroll the feed of a 23 year old who says body horror should be banned and that she hasn’t slept since COVID and I’m like, “Brian, you’re fine!”

It is October the fucking 24th. I am used to egg nog already being impossible to find after Thanksgiving but it is not even Halloween. Where is the fucking choke point in production? My god damn plan was to have it sit in my fridge for a week but CAN’T EVEN HAVE THAT.

Wal-Mart always has the wildest DVDs.

We didn't forget about y'all! This month we’re covering some gateway gastro horror! Up first is The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie! We're joined by @rewindfee.com to discuss its similarities to 50s horror, gastro creature features, and more! Give it a listen! bit.ly/FGFLooney

Was just presented a row on Netflix called “Stay Awake After the Kids Go to Bed” and I wonder if they’ve considered fucking off?

rewindfee.com/2026/10/17/b...

Currently finishing an essay on, what I believe to be, the last untrodden territory in essays about Pretty Woman. Please someone drive to my house and hit me in the face.

Starting a rewatch of The Sopranos tonight and, boy howdy, if Betty Draper is a mine field for me than Livia Soprano is ground fucking zero as the bomb drops.

Few things enrage my adhd brain more than hypocritical people. There is a lot of talk about bullying happening around these parts, and I have to wonder if those folks have "sat with themselves" and thought about the bullying they've done and still do. Somehow, I doubt it.

Like, seriously, are you legit contending that someone is lurking in your shrubbery? What makes it not “safe”? Are you beholden to ancient curse where if you ever reveal how a magazine wronged you they’ll take away your ill-gotten popcorn buckets and fake service dog?

If you want to take a break from pretending that framing bugs in your house is a full-time job, please post receipts you tiresome bridge troll. 🧌

Maybe no one posts “receipts” because if someone so much as thinks about doing so you retain the Law Firm of Dipshit & Cockstain to run a spurious, Chat GPT-ass lawsuit into the fucking ground.

I have been on the ugly website; I have read the shitty essay. I have a few questions. If you’re in such demand as a music writer than why aren’t you doing that? So you HAVE been published by Fangoria? So then what’s your point?

I don’t want to repost the Shane Gillis monologue. What upset me most was that he thought that disparaging women for simply existing in a public space was a relatable “centrist” joke. Based on the audience reaction he was right. Men, please voice your disgust. Fuck that guy.

Unlocking the Secrets of Disney’s Tower of Terror Movie with Director D.J. MacHale dapsmagic.com/2026/10/unlo...

And like Gandalf the McRib shall return.

Watching the series finale of Mad Men tonight and so I’ll be thinking about this all night.

*The graduating class of The Institute of Psychiatry at the University of London completes their white coat ceremony and taking the Hippocratic Oath.* Professor Aubrey Lewis: Congratulations, gent— *graduate raises hand* Sam Loomis: What if they have the devil’s eyes?

I had a panic attack writing this and setting it up because I have a million things on my plate, and it never stops. I really really need money to move and sign a new lease. www.gofundme.com/f/a-fresh-st...

Had a legitimate reason to send a text message today that simply said “there will be polka” and it wasn’t even a joke text!

Friends, I’m about halfway into Onslaught; does this get less boring?

Did I juice a watermelon to make a bourbon watermelon punch? Yes. Don’t let your dreams be dreams.

Ask me things! ngl.link/brianmcartwr...

With all the Mad Men discourse of late and my current rewatch drawing to a close on Wednesday I thought I'd share the scene that always, without fail, reduces me tears.

Had all these big plans to watch a bunch of horror movies today which I totally did if by “watch a bunch of horror movies” you mean intermittently nap.

I see that the Digger shooters have found a critic to burn in effigy, Manohla Dargis. Reminder, criticism is not a consumer report and to treat them as such is a failure of the reader, not the writer. Dargis rocks and has always rocked.

I humbly submit this as a banger double feature. Take the beavers to Raccoon City.

Ellison: What if I bought two movie studios, each with a rich 100 year history & a valuable, recognizable name? Peon Assistant: Excellent plan, sir. Which of the two names will you use? Ellison: Neither! I’ll give it a name that sounds like a mid level indie that died quickly.

Who is the Temu version of Patti Lupone?

"The lover who never risks loving mocks romance. The thinker who never commits to a philosophy sneers at belief itself. And yet, all of them suffer, because deep down they know: the life they mock is the life they were meant to live." Carl Jung

People who build stupid, water guzzling robots incapable of understanding the humanities: How can we finally get people to cede the humanities to our robots? Pants shitting elderly sociopath: I have an idea.

Kind of overwhelmed by the persistent shittiness of everything today. Refuse to fucking give up because then there is one less person trying to make things less shitty.

Finally made some headway on a new essay after being stuck for three days.

People who bang on security doors like cops shall not know paradise.

It sucks that there’s like no additional reward for doing your groceries on Saturday. The only reward you get is not being miserable on Tuesday when that shit isn’t finished.

Taylor Swift’s current form

Why isn’t there a porn parody of Backrooms yet?

Have read the phrase “secular hijab” too quickly more than once today and it lead to the same confusion EACH TIME.

Costas Mandylor when he hears they making a new Saw movie.

Up to The Forecast in my server’s Mad Men watch.