Ron Sequitur ꙮ

Take me down to the pair of mice city, Where they have two mice; it's a two mouse city

Socialism for me, but not for thee!!

Has anyone done a supercut of all the times Republicans have promised something that is, by definition, socialism? "$5K payments if we win majorities" "$3K DOGE dividends" "Grant money for Kansas farmers" Maybe do the GTA Wasted thing, but have it say "Socialism" instead. I dunno, I'd watch it.

Even in an era when voters are as ill-informed as they have ever been, it's pretty brazen to campaign as the "common sense" candidate when you're a member of the party that has done [gestures wildly at everything that has happened in the last two years].

GOOD COP: You think you can make him talk? BAD COP: I'll make him sing. --- BAD COP: Start talking, punk. [throws chair against the wall] Who burned down the Tastee Freeze?? BILLY JOEL: Joe McCarthy! Richard Nixon! Studebaker! Television! [sobbing now] North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe!

The Superman No Smoking Ad, but I lost the audio track and dubbed it from memory

Heard it from a friend who Heard it from a friend who Heard it from another You had sex with a clown

You know, if it wasn't clear before 2016, it should be clear now: when fascists do fascism, it doesn't actually solve the fake problems that the fascists fabricated while campaigning, and that's probably because the problems were always fake, unlike their micro-dicks.

Colonoscopoop tho

As a child I watched a man in a bow tie roll a giant aluminum foil ball into his living room. His furniture was impressed.

Football is great. Just a bunch of men pushing and shoving, shoving and, maybe they smooch? Nah, they have helmets, very manly, slapping butts. It's great.

"Foreigners are influencing the outcome of our elections!" scream the party propped up by a wealthy South African.

Today's Farmer's Market is brought to you by FanDuel.

"It was the best of times, it was the Fred Durst of times," writes Fred Durst on the wall of a public bathroom stall, moments before attempting to flush a Sharpie down a toilet.

A lot of people think you only need silver bullets if there is a werewolf around, but, hello, you can use them to shoot other stuff too.

I'm starting a barbershop quartet, looking for four really good singers, all different types

Kryptonite? Pff, Kryptoday baby.

I don't have numbers to quantify the amount of Dumb required to point out that Abdul El-Sayed lived in Missouri for part of his childhood, while ignoring the fact that his opponent, Mike Rogers, who is running to be a US Senator from Michigan, LIVES IN FLORIDA RIGHT NOW.

Just to be clear: 1) The formation of the Confederacy was an act of treason that went unpunished; 2) The January 6th insurrection was an act of treason that went unpunished; 3) Allowing treason to go unpunished ensures that treason will happen again.

Very recently, SCOTUS denied motions in which the potential harm was feared. It was not a "victory" or a "defeat" but was, in fact, a, "Come back when the harm has occurred." This should not be handled any differently, mere weeks later, by the same court. There is no standing.

Just a periodic, friendly reminder that we could actually avoid all this by not caring who’s attracted to, who’s having sex with who, who’s marrying who, let alone believing any of it should matter in public policy. We could just all mind our own business and all have rights. ✨

People haven't started talking about this yet, and research studies are needed, but there likely is a link between long covid and the development of blood clots.

We didn't get the loan

When it came to commercials for Miller Lite and Tinactin athlete's foot cream, John Madden was the king, next slide

(Werner Herzog voice) when we go back and watch the episode, we are shocked that Mr bean only has the turkey stuck on his head for 2 minutes. We remember it as an eternity, because we know that the darkness Mr bean experiences inside that turkey is in some sense cosmic, infinite

Half the stuff in the monster mash probably didn't actually happen

Urinal pies tho

Sentient robots? Pfff, big deal, can they do this? [burns a pan of cheese]

This is Tommy. Tommy had a question about my allegiances. Listen to the end to hear about his.

Stock Market rallied today on news of a robot performer said to be, "3 times more powerful than Chuck E. Cheese."

Should have called it Ecto Coolest

An important takeaway: If Trump can tell Musk to throttle or disable Starlink for this, what's to stop him from doing the same in ways that will impact US elections? But all objective measures, Republicans are headed toward historic losses, yet none of them seem too worried.

Movin to the country Gonna scam a lotta Sneetches

"The book was better." NO IT WASN'T. YOU JUST PREFER THE BOOK BECAUSE IT USES DESCRIPTIVE LANGUAGE THAT LEAVE THINGS UP TO YOUR PERSONAL INTERPRETATION, THEREBY GENERATING A MENTAL IMAGE THAT SOMEWHAT ALIGNS WITH YOUR OWN PREFERENCES, AND YOU LIKE THAT BETTER THAN SOMEONE ELSE'S VERSION.

Starting to think Billy Joel did start that fire