Teddy Roosevelt (Cyborg Ghost)

This is the number one thing on his mind today.

I’ll never understand people who worship billionaires. They’ll be like, “Through hard work, they’ve earned the right to push the button that kills people.”

I could not devise a more apt metaphor for this man’s existence.

MAGA will accuse Obama and Biden of dividing Americans while supporting a guy who daydreams about letting a foreign adversary destroy U.S. cities.

I had completely forgotten about Charlie Kirk and look forward to forgetting him again tomorrow.

Will the $5,000 Midterm Check come before or after the Tariff Check? What about the DOGE Check?

We’re not even going to consider “Lake New York”??

An actual Trump win: Flags at half staff for Dolly.

The sports world needs to prepare for a woman in MLB — and for that woman to be an unexciting middle reliever.

Natalie Harp has a chance to do the funniest thing ever.

Sure, we can threaten Oman with bombs — but what about bombs PLUS tariffs? Where’s the imagination from the WH?

Trump to Little Marco before leaving Air Force One.

Trump often forgets he was president in 2020, but it’s a rare delight when his speechwriters also forget it.

What if Trump just did a very timely PSA about cyclospora?

It's very simple. If you support the confirmation of Todd Blanche, you want to protect pedophiles.

The DHS statement: “Yes, we murdered someone and THANK GOD that we did.”

Are we just distracting from the Iran War today or is it the Epstein files, too?

Just checked, and that stupid tarp is still over the sign for the Kennedy Center. MAGA thinks Trump is a strongman but time and time again he shows how he is such a loser.

If you don’t believe experts who have devoted their lives to understanding something, then you don’t know what it means to devote yourself to anything.

The lack of attendance at a politicized and partisan state fair (in DC lol) is heartening.

The only way we can begin to heal (as a nation) is if they make a live action Goofy Movie.

He probably spoke with one of the mall Teddy Roosevelts and not the actual Teddy Roosevelt.

Trump absolutely dominates Obama when it comes to getting Iran paid.

What if Mamdani just daps him up and we’re all forced to reckon with that?

MAGA bar owners outside MSG when Trump’s motorcade drives by.

Tomorrow night, MSG might reach unprecedented levels of boos. I’m talking biblical.

I’m on Love Island making hooch in the toilet.

Hear me out: the Barack Obama Triumphal Arch

Good.

I condemn the Democrats’ post about Stephen Miller’s appearance. It is an affront to ugly people.

For real though — Obama would have run a way better war against Iran.

Oh the J6 rioters will not see a penny of that $1.7 billion.

Your plane would crash. A hamster cannot possibly reach the controls.

The ceasefire is holding.

I’m not going to worry about hantavirus until someone tells me it will be gone in two weeks.

🚨🚨🚨 He won’t give up on 2020 because he wants to create a permission structure for actual cheating.

So we lost the war with Iran. But at least we got a closed Strait of Hormuz and sky high oil prices.

You just love seeing the DOJ reclaim some independence.

TACO’s chickenshittiness once again keeping us from the brink.

We’re two months away from political round tables to discuss the merits of US missile strikes on the Sistine Chapel.

The Strait of Hormuz blockade has that “you can’t fire me, I quit!” energy.

More like Fart of the Deal.

Oh, so we’re just going to lose the war to Iran. 🤷

So Iran is just being told to have their remaining AA capabilities in place around bridges and power plants by Tuesday?

MAGA will see posts like this and believe this person garners respect from the international community.

In nearly 9 years of combat operations, the U.S. lost zero fighter jets in Iraq due to enemy fire.

What people aren’t getting is that Bondi will be promoted to the role of Sword of Law and Justice in the Western Hemisphere.

Remember, we were told $300 million at no expense to the taxpayer.