doc_rootbeer

If you sneeze, I’ll say “bless you.” H*ck, sneeze again, I’ll say it a second time. But if you sneeze a third time, I’m going to ask you to subscribe to Bless+™️ With Bless+™️, you’ll get three additional “bless yous” per day, for just $1.99* a month!

oh, right, father's day

Obama should sit courtside for Game 4. No bulletproof glass, no napping. He'd get a 10 minute standing ovation. Players from each team would hug him. It'd send Trump into such a violent rage he'd choke to death on a Filet 'O Fish

@jordanjessego.bsky.social I still listen to your podcast

if you read this and want to take me to task for the technical inaccuracy of my cheap shot just know that 1) I am a certified LLM hater and 2) I don't care

In retrospect this is very funny

Bluesky is prob. going to be buried by bloodsucking venture capitalists in due time. Honestly? I'm fine with that, been actually thinking about leaving soon anyway. Where? 🤷‍♂️ Mastodon? Ehh... Prob. just going to make a geocities-ass oldskool website for nobody but me. Who cares. It all just sucks.

AI? more like yay-i!!!!! 👏👏👏 [immediately crumples under the weight of hundreds of cinder blocks being lobbed at body] [savage booing intensifies into earsplitting cacophony that vaporizes every building in an 80-km radius]

why all of washington isn't completely razed and irradiated, with a vast, empty salt flat in its place, is beyond me

we need to scour all the holy clerics' libraries worldwide to find whatever flesh-bound grimoire has the incantation to send Stephen Miller back to the unnamed secret circle of Hell from whence he came

yeah, well, your mom shoulda wrapped it up for this one

Question: What is the biggest band out there to be, while adequately popular, nobody's absolute favorite? That is to say, a huge group of people like them well enough, but none of them will say anything more than, "yeah, they're great or whatever, but have you heard [preferred band]?"

Ruin two bands blah blah blah Green Blue October Day I don't think I ruined either, as one already sucks and the other is meh-to-bleh Seriously, this is half-assed at best, why are we doing this [back to non-posting coma state]

Mary and Joseph get separated and Mary miscarries in an overcrowded detention center

Rapture day more like "Rap? Sure!" day *beatboxes*

At incel meetings, is the “my turn to talk” object a shakeweight?

Thoughts and prayrrrrzzzz for chrrl… [trails off]

Let’s be real: if it’s not from the culinary district of Cheeseburg, it’s just a flatbeef sandwich with a slice of thickmilk

I ain’t gonna nag ain’t about to push and I’m runnin’ up dat hill like my name’s Kate Bush

*Maurice White voice* Ba-dee-yah Say, do you remember Ba-dee-yah Racin’ with SEBULBA [dives head-first into open rock quarry, saving crowd from effort of throwing stones]

Hulk Hogan, in Hell’s waiting room:

“Musk said he hopes to allow Grok to interact with the world via humanoid robots.” —“Musk makes grand promises about Grok 4 […]”; Hayden Field, The Verge, 2025-07-10 The likely robots in question:

I don’t really believe in an afterlife but I get the feeling that, for a lot of “christians“, it’s gonna be a lot like that scene in Goodfellas when Tommy thought he was going to become a made man “…oh noooo”

Sierra Mist is a stripper from South Bend

He proposes releasing some ICE prisoners to labor on farms where the employers will “own them” and be responsible for them. Historians have spent decades meticulously proving the straight line between slavery and modern capitalism’s concept of the laborer—or we could just let them say it.

I genuinely appreciate the candor; I was all, “what the fuck” when I got a “deleted” error upon tapping the post.

Today, we become closer to the year 2050 than we are to 2000. Have fun with that.

[scoffs, points at self] “pfft, this guy”

#regicide

“I hope this email finds you after a protracted nationwide manhunt, before you become engaged in a standoff in a dilapidated shack in the woods outside a small town in Idaho”

Sometimes I’d just like to do a swan dive down an open elevator shaft. You might gasp and say “you shouldn’t say things like that!” I’d say you’re right. I wouldn’t do that I’m not that graceful. It’d be more of a half-assed cannonball, turning wildly into a belly flop, down an open elevator shaft

Vancouver Pope is next