Samantha Carr

Jess tuts as she joins the queue. After an age, her name is called and she slopes towards the cubicle. Madam, you are not eligible to sign on for 14 days as you left your job voluntarily. Nah, they said #taper my attitude and so I lit the wick and threw it. Was only doing what I was told. #vss365

A distance of a single cm can sometimes feel wider than a chasm of a hundred #miles. When you're used to skin to skin, a brush off can feel like the whip of the tail of a fiery comet on a wayward trajectory in the sky. That's why I know when I reach out I will always find what's mine. #vss365

Her #sneakers were haunted by the stench of a thousand solo walks home from minimum wage late shifts. Her socks polluted by the fluid oozing from burst blisters. The elopement of her gross footwear to Gretna Green was the proverbial last straw for a woman already on her grimy knees. #vss365

Dave the duck was devastated, he'd won the #lottery and was finally able to afford his dream. He'd move to the golden pond he'd pined for so wistfully. Where the ripples of sunshine lapped against the edges delicately. Yet, once he arrived, he realised the light was back where he'd started. #vss365

The day started as any other, or seemed to, but Kay soon realised things were topsy turvy. She knocked a broken plate on the floor, and it fixed itself. She removed a broken bulb and the light turned on. The most #unexpected thing was following the trail of blood to find her broken heart. #vss365

He walked the line of recruits - warriors hardened in battle wearing their scars. Behind them, the fresh faced, fit and ready to fight, but likely to cry. And at the back, a small boy who could be blown over by the wind. You're #brave or stupid to wear no armour. No, sir, I can run faster. #vss365

Can you tell me your name? Sigh. Excuse me? I'm trying to help. Go and huff and puff somewhere else if you don't require my assistance. I've been on hold for half an hour, I've already given my details to 5 different people. Sir, the #siren is going. We have to evacuate. Please call back. #vss365

Mummy, I get scared when the wind howls against the window. Do you think a #hurricane ever gets scared? Yes, darling, we're all afraid things we don't understand. I imagine, when the eye of the storm passes, its terrified of its own stillness. I'll be brave and sing it a lullaby next time. #vss365

When Bea received her gran's #bequest, she was a little perplexed. They'd shared a love of honey, yes, but an entire apiary she didn’t expect. Didn't know where to begin with the expenses spreadsheet. Wanted to hide in the margins, but remembered nana always said be a main not a side quest. #vss365

C'mon, it's time to let go. Eventually they are old enough to look after themselves. Yeh, it's just, well, she feels like part of me. Of course! You've #nurtured this fear for so long she's got a national insurance number. You can still visit. You're right. I'll think about it. #vss365

I am #hungry! I feel like there's a gaping void where my nutrition should be. Oh the aching pain. Ahh, Ich habe hunger. Schnell. Komm mit!! #vss365

As i lift my feet to #embark on the short ferrry journey, the assistant reaches out his hand for support. I smile, oh, it's not me that's unsteady, it's the ground beneath. #vss365

Oh my goodness what have you done? You said let's hex paul - so I did a dance macabre invocation. I said, let's #explore, as in leave the house. We've been stuck inside on the computer for days. Oh, my bad. It'll wear off eventually. It does look funny. Shall we take a little video? #vss365

Is #sanguine pronounced like penguin or wine? Hmm, I'm not sure let's think about this - what's black and white and red all over? a) a newspaper b) a sunburnt penguin c) a sunburnt penguin reading a newspaper drinking a large glass of claret. I'm not sure I understand? Get me a drink idiot! #vss365

Oh no, here comes #esoteric Derek, he thinks everything has triple hidden meanings. Like the patterns in the clouds are speaking to him. Why don't you ask him what the badge you found this morning means? Aww we'll be here for ages! Oi, Derek, what do you make of this? That? It's nothing. #vss365

Thwack! What the hell was that for? You said I should spend less time in my head and trust my feelings more. And? I had an #intuition you were going to annoy me. That's not how it works. I don't have time for this right now. I'm late. Oh, so who's left with the chores? I was right, again! #vss365

She nudges him, "Test this, I'm so tired my body is numb." With his eyes closed, he licks the milk she'd squeezed from the bottle onto the back of her hand. "Perfect." He yawns and turns away muttering, "I'll need an #elixir to wake me up tomorrow." "You'll be lucky to survive the night!" #vss365

He complained I was expressionless, like a statue in a museum. I said, babe, you haven't done anything worthy of the risk of a frown line or wrinkle yet. You'll know when this #wax work is feeling your work cos you'll be needing sunglasses indoors. You'll think the whole city is on fire. #vss365

I bought these beautiful delicate #goves. I'm going to hide one and ask every lady I meet if she lost it. Then I shall surely meet the one. Excuse me, Miss, did you drop this? Ha, no! I never wear them, I like to feel the crack as my knuckles imprint their jawline. Hmm, and are you single? #vss365

He arrived at the hotel exhausted and hungry. The porter explained there was no room service due to staff sickness. At least he had somewhere to sleep. After he left, Tim noticed there were no #pillows. He slept on his folded arms and awoke unable to feel his limbs. #vss365

I painted a #poster and posted it to her to propose a re rendezvous. I sent a posy of her favourite peonies too. I waited an age, but alas the postman returned the unopened parcel to sender. The limp petals caught the reflection of my dismay. Oh, I shall ever wonder, why she did not stay? #vss365

Aw honey, you baked a cake with your little sister. I knew you two could get along if you tried. The #sponge is so light and moist, the buttercream so fluffy and there's something with an extra bite in this strawberry jam. I think you've got quite a talent. Well done, but where is Victoria? #vss365

C'mon ref, that's a penalty all day! Miss, please step behind the yellow #cord with the other spectators. Should have gone to Specsavers! Later, she relaxes on her bed. Oh, I see you're not tired hon. Please get back behind the line! He feels wetness on his feet, coated in yellow paint. #vss365

The airhostess handed out hot #towels. I wasn't familiar with the ritual, but the man next to me sighed as he unfolded it and placed it on his face. I followed suit, placing mine on top of his. I don't think it was hot enough as he cried out, even though I held it firm until we landed. #vss365

Meg stands at the sink humming as she scrubs the last residue. Fran walks in with her plate, glad she isn't too late. She recoils, what are you doing? Meg squirts more detergent into the lukewarm water. I'm washing Dan's love letters. Why? If washing your mouth with #soap removes curses... #vss365

I lost the #remote down the back of the sofa. I climbed in and hunted beneath the foam. Found two hairbands, a felt tip and a note to myself to try harder to remember something, but it was torn. I went beneath the springs, but found only a toad gossiping. I'm left wondering what to watch? #vss365

What are you doing talking to the trees weirdo?! My PE teacher said I should be #ashamed of myself for not taking part in the race. So I came to ask the pines how they deal with the weight of not being able to move quickly. And I suppose they answered back? They told me to look up. #vss365

Welcome to Sal's #shrewd tips to thrive during the crunch of cossie livs. Today's gem is: Don't light a candle at night for it to fight darkness. Light it during the day - the wax and wick will last longer that way. Come back tomoz for some more truly life enhancing gifts. #vss365

Jim thought bowling would be a safe bet for a first date. But his damn bus was late, finally he rushed in, almost knocking her over. Apologised and bought her a drink, he thinks he might be in with a chance for a strike. But in his haste, he #clings to the ball and follows it down the lane. #vss365

Is that your Dan stood out in the #garden with a colander on his head? Sure is. He knows the eclipse is tomorrow right? Babe, he doesn't know anything about an eclipse. Oh, is that why you were asking which divorce lawyer I used? Amongst other things, yes. #vss365

D'ya know the most #evil thing in the world? Asked Tom, seven pints in and slurring. Simon wiped the bar, women? Work? Bubbles! Hic. The monkey? No, the little happy feckers in the glass. That's what gives you a hangover. Doesn't mix with the bitterness inside me body, ya know? #vss365

Sir, when Shakespeare wrote #toil and trouble, was it a patriarchal construction ascribing wickedness to a tyical female friendship group? Oh dear, I suppose Lady Macbeth wasn't a scheming mistress? Well, do we ask men to project innocent flower archetypes alongside declarations of war? #vss365

I was gone a week and left simple instructions I watered all the plants exactly as you said. I even sang that stupid bedtime song. You didn't think it was daft when I sang it to you in the crib. Tell me, Mr Watering Can half empty, why the Ivy #sprouted a wall if it isn't dry? Tree? Idiot! #vss365

How to feed a #fertile imagination? Carefully! You'd think some mindful colouring would be nourishing - but what happens when the orange oozes out and you're fighting off orangutans now? Or a few minutes of yoga child's pose transposes into a game of tag with some newly resurrected dodos? #vss365

You don't just get to decide which words rhyme, that would be #chaos. That's the poets job - to disentangle brain noodle jam and create new jellyfish sponges. You're absolutely not writing that down. I just did. The jellyfish sponges of chaos wished to become the mayors of Laos. I resign. #vss365

Helen finished the last segment of the satsuma and placed the peel in her pocket. As she strolled along the high street, browsing for new books, a warden tapped her shoulder. Maam, I've issued a statutory litter fine. What? Oh, the #fruit rind must have fallen. Irrelevant. Et tu, jobsworth. #vss365

She picks up a blank piece of paper, pen poised, thinking about how to begin her next #creation. What she doesn't know is the protagonist has been waiting patiently within the pulp for the chance to speak. What the character doesn't know is the tree planned the whole story centuries ago. #vss365

She handcrafted a glazed French peach tart and sped off to finish some chores. On her return, her husband Jack was devouring a second piece. She didn't think twice used the cake slice to dice him. Buried him in the rock garden with the dessert remains. As evening came, #temptation struck. #vss365

The Detective diligently takes statements from all present. Then spots a wallflower, almost blended completely into the magnolia wall. When did you #arrive madam? Oh, I've just always been here, you know. But no one has mentioned you. Yes, you see, I'm quite dull. His eyes drift. Excuse me. #vss365

If a heart breaks when a lover's adieu wave become firmly applied hand #brake inside a copse in an ancient forest, does it make a sound? Do the branches of an oak reach down towards the lonely to stroke their cheek with soft green lobulated leaves as though to say, I know how you feel? #vss365

Catch a coach for a daytrip along the south #coast. Catch a crab in a rock pool, and set it free. Wear sunscreen, but catch a tan. Catch a glance of the ice cream van. Vanilla, or strawberry. Mint or choc chip. Catch the sand between your toes as you Catch your breath with a chill dip #vss365

I said I was looking for a decent new guy, she misheard and sent me to the stairwell. Said to #descend to the cellar to find my fella. It was dark as a jail cell, so I fell - only to find myself in the pits of hell. It was like looking in a mirror, I said something I can't repeat here. #vss365

Speaker, we only have a few moments left, can you bring it to a close? To sum up, the exploration of the world's highest #summits, Everest and K2 is deadlier than shark attacks, bee stings, lightning strikes or even a Cassius blue flapping their wings. #vss365

Timmy, do you understand why you're in detention? No, miss, I practised all my spellings and used them in a sentence. Technically yes, but for #ascend, you wrote: dad says we live in the ass end of nowhere. It's just facts. And for converse, you wrote poems by criminals in nerdy trainers. #vss365

Dave, we're going to have to let you go. You can't exterminate me, I have rights. You haven't #shifted a single unit since you started. The customers are put off by your edginess. This is an outrage. I will call upon the darkness to eliminate you. That's the stuff I'm talking about mate. #vss365

She went off like a rocket, where did she go? What did she say? Towards the creek. She said she was late for the hunt. Her hazel green eyes gave me the sense we would be the harvest if we didn't move. But she was unarmed? I don't think that matters. Despatch, all units to Samantha #road. #vss365

With the right #tailwind we could get this baby going faster than my age. Ahem, is there a hurricane predicted? Just drive Jeeves. I don't pay you to crack jokes. #vss365

I told you to source a getaway car. You had one job. I don't get why you're so mad, it's literally a speed record holding car. It's not exactly inconspicuous is it, donut! Plus what happens when we need to #turn a corner? Just put your foot on the gas, at that speed there are no obstacles. #vss365

They said free drinks we broke into a #sprint turns out it was a joke by some bloke who built a racing car - everyone grumbled as they filtered away - its not the spirit of the day Bolster laughed, pass me a coaster we'll drink champagne from the chassis #vss365