Jordan Ross Schindler

If you support a five-year-old being detained by ICE, please lose my number.

Is it Traitors Thursday yet? It’s the only thing getting me through this hellscape we’re currently living in.

What if we all refuse to pay our federal taxes??

The 2027 Impeachment Hearings are gonna be LIT.

Mic drop.

So, just to recap… He didn’t end the war in Ukraine. He didn’t end the war in Gaza. He started a war with Iran.

This would be the perfect time for the aliens to show up.

Can a guy get some fucking precedented times please…?

Manifesting that this is the year someone finally takes my Summerland revival pitch seriously.

I cannot stress this enough… Not my fucking president.

ADL CEO Jonathan Greenblatt should resign. We saw what we saw and that statement was pathetic.

And we’re positive Elon didn’t fuck with the voting machines…?

I don’t know about you, but I’m not feeling proud to be an American. Embarrassed, maybe.

Dear NYU Students, Please make the next four years miserable for Barron Trump.

When the truth finally comes out, it'll be too late. It already is.

Hell is empty, and all the devils are headed to the White House.

When the world needed him most, he vanished.

🎼 I will remember you, will you remember me…

I bet Kevin Sorbo is pissed.

Horrific. Thankful that Trump isn’t in office yet. He would be withholding federal assistance and telling Angelenos to rake the forests. Praying for my second home of LA.

My favorite part of Wicked is when Glinda waves hello to one of the monkey soldiers, and the monkey’s like: “The fuck?”

Hear me out — John Chu’s THE PRINCE OF EGYPT.

John Chu’s Wicked will go down in cinematic history as one of the best movie-musicals of all time.

If anyone starts singing-along, I’m calling the police.

“I let the dogs out.”

As we approach the release of the highly-anticipated Wicked movie, this is just a friendly reminder to all parents that the musical and the novel it’s based on are EXTREMELY different. Great book, yes, but not an appropriate stocking stuffer for kids.

Put me in, Coach!!!

Breaking: Trump nominates Jafar as the Ambassador to Agrabah.

Send in the fucking clowns.

When you deactivate your X account…

“Nothing disrespects July 4th like January 6th.” - Chris Kratzer

HBD, America… I guess…