Scott Klosterman

can't wait to see trump merch worn by needy people in poor countries like they wear losing super bowl team hats and shirts

Someone posted this in my city.✊ 👉 Louisville, Kentucky

preceded in death by his spine, conscience and morals

a cut-rate cell phone service provider called Temubile

Just saw Mitch McConnell do a 20-minute set opening for Joe Rogan.

who could’ve known that not listening to scientists, doctors, historians and scholars would turn out exactly as scientists, doctors, historians and scholars predicted

I'm all for getting algae out of the Reflecting Pool but seems like we should be more focused on removing slime from the White House.

if she wasn't white he'd call her low IQ

Damn this rain. Wouldn’t be happening if we had a ballroom.

Voted for trump 3 times but in fairness it was in response to 3 separate surveys asking me to name the biggest piece of shit in U.S. history.

he’s gonna brag about TV ratings for his horseshit war isn’t he

Weird how a man so obsessed with a ballroom needs so little ball room.

just filled up with gas and doubled my car's blue book value

just punched an old lady cuz in my gut I felt she was gonna punch me first oh wait never mind it was just gas that I felt my bad

he's really hoping that once we see the new ballroom and updated Kennedy Center we'll be able to look past the pedophilia, illegal wars, spiraling economy, brazen corruption and nonstop grifting and lying

Probably my favorite part of American History class was learning about the Excursion of 1812.

has he renamed it Strait of America yet

can’t tell me there aren't already rolled up, KFC grease-stained blueprints for Trump Tower Tehran

State of the Union drinking game: Start drinking aggressively now, get blackout drunk, pass out on the kitchen floor, wake up sometime Thursday afternoon and miss the whole fucking thing.

People who immigrate to the U.S. come here to find safety and opportunity and contribute to our communities. We should be welcomed with dignity, not demonized.

worst part of being homeschooled is giving yourself a wedgie

Never been to Minnesota but holy shit you guys go hard. You’re my new favorite place.

The ICE Capades reboot looks terrible.

Only a true visionary leader would simultaneously draw up war plans for Venezuela, Cuba, Greenland, Iran AND the Federal Reserve.

Maybe the goons running our country are seizing Venezuela’s oil for the extra fuel required for their constant gaslighting.

condiment packet advent calendar mostly ketchup and mayo so far, hoping for a duck sauce maybe even a honey

Revised Statue of Liberty plaque: "Give me your Trump Gold Card visa holders, maybe a few Swedes and Norwegians, and that’s pretty much it.” Inscribed in Times New Roman, the official font of white nationalism.

Has he been appointed head of DEA yet?

one sure sign of dementia is declaring 10x/day completely unprompted that you aced a dementia test

Going as an ICE agent for Halloween so instead of ringing the doorbell I can just break the door.

avoiding trick or treaters tonight by doing like the government and shutting down the house

Larry David opened a spite store on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Now we have a spite president.

Weird how MAGA always accuses the previous administration of weaponizing the government and then weaponizes it themselves using actual weapons.

whole meeting could’ve been one of those fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: emails from your uncle about Obama’s birth certificate

bringing some real pick-me girl energy to this rapture thing

The company that made the Lion King is about to hear it from the Lyin' King.

just received a notification from amazon that fascism has arrived and is on my doorstep

So much easier to boycott Disney when you can’t afford a subscription.

don't have the brain processing power to understand what the fuck is wrong with these people

Matter of time before we're told King Yam Tits played a round of golf and shot an 18.

Let's just scrap the 1st amendment and make the 2nd amendment the new 1st. It's the only one they care about anyway (except the 5th, they love invoking that one).

Charlie Kirk was a champion of free speech and anyone who says otherwise will be fired

National Guard members are ready for action, just waiting for their mulching orders.

You wouldn't think there are any 11-word sentences that say absolutely nothing but just heard a passing stranger utter these actual words from his actual mouth: "At the end of the day it is what it is."

good news all your unused thoughts and prayers automatically roll over to the next mass shooting

goddamnit pumpkin spice, not yet, not fucking yet

Thanks a lot, sandwich thrower. Now I can't purchase a footlong at Subway without passing a background check.

The good news I can now call in sick with polio and my boss has to believe me.

Saw “Toy Story 2 was okay” scrawled into the wall above a urinal a few weeks back and I still think about it every day. The understated ambivalence really captures the zeitgeist of our time.

I just hope to live long enough to see trump wearing a cankle monitor