Senile Don Draper

Wendy's. 1,000 random hamburgers have bits of the founder mixed into the meat. Eat Dave Thomson. Wendy's.

Feet. They're what's for dinner. Buy Nike.

Tough times make hard men. Hard men make good times. Cialis.

Michelob Ultra. Don’t feed it after midnight.

Michelob Ultra. If you hit one with a hammer it turns into a six pack of Hamms.

Michelob Ultra. A beer for people who only get found after the snow thaws.

Michelob Ultra. It’s You can’t spell “a rat taint” without “ultra.”

Michelob Ultra. Think of a beer. Because that’s as close as you’re getting to one tonight.

Hormel®. What is it? That's the Hormel® question. Get a full sack of Hormel® today.

It's all over, America. We've finally made a potato chip that you can fuck.

I only watch commercials for the Super Bowl.

At Verizon, we hate you. Verizon. The only fully integrated 7G whatever-the-fuck. The only phones with that perfect Verizon crunch. Verizon. "Verizon." Say it three times in a mirror and Candyman comes. more pitching less bitching, Peggy, there are no bad ideas

Heineken. The Heineken of beers.

Dunkin’ Donuts. We took the “ugh” out of “doughnut” and put it into your coffee.

Firestone. You can’t eat just one.

Inside you are two wolves. Both want a Pepsi®.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. You can get everything from guns to shovels ... at Walmart.

Fudge. It’s like chocolate for idiots and schoolchildren. Paid for by the American Fudge Farmers of America.

This Superbowl, give her the gift she's been waiting for: a car made of cheeseburgers, paid for with an AI-managed crypto featuring Snoop Dogg Superbowl: America her so good.

What brings us all together is greater than what divides us. Soylant Green. Bringing everyone together.

There's nothing like the crisp refreshing taste of Valvoline. Valvoline. On the road of life, there are drivers and there are drinkers ... of Valvoline. Valvoline. You can't drink just one. Peggy what is this product. It tatses like Pete's hair smells

If you give a million monkeys a million typewriters, eventually they’ll eat your eyes right out of your head. That’s what Red Bull is like.

Anghkooey when a demon in a yellow suit convinced you to sacrifice your children to gain immortality? Pepperidge Farm Anghkooeys

Coors Extra Gold. The beer that says what the fuck.

Valvoline: the motor oil with the taste of energy drinks. Or wait— is it the energy drink with the taste of motor oil? Peggy get me Red Bull on the line to straighten this out

Taco Bell. Imagine a bell full of something we'll call 'meat.' Now imagine that bell is what's left of your intestines.

Pfizer. The name you trust when you need to get pfucked up on pfills.

Campbell’s. The soup with the taste of cans.

Inside you are two wolves. Both of them drive Hondas.

Taco Bell. You need a taco in the worst way, and that’s how we make ‘em.

Historians centuries from now will marvel that a technologically advanced society such as ours never found a way to fill french fries with fudge.

Burger King. Show your stomach who’s boss.

Two paths diverged in a yellow wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by. And there was a McDonalds there.

If you love something, let it go. Now I have it. I can sell it back to you at a profit. I know you’ll pay for it; you love it.

America doesn’t want a female president, Peggy. America wants a cheeseburger on a JetSki, firing a gun at an endangered shark. I’m Draper. Finger on the pulse. Scotch in the belly. Scotch on my shirt.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. What the hell, he has no feet,. He doesn’t need them. Reebok .

At TicketMaster™ we consider you a member of the family. Specifically one that we hate, and make pay rent. TicketMaster™ When you're here, we hate you.

I remember a day when all a boy needed to be happy was a spring that could walk downstairs, and a father who never spoke to him.

If you find yourself in an Applebees, you have the right to ask if you are being detained or if you are free to go.

First they ignore you Then they laugh at you Then they fight you Then you win Jägermeister

Panda Express. When you can’t wait for a panda.

Firestone tires. The only tire with that smooth Firestone taste.

On the road of life, there are passengers and there are drivers. We want drivers. That's why Tesla Truck is engineered to kill passengers. Automatic ejector seats when you hit 75mph. You can't turn them off. What? Well it should be. Call Alan Musk. Elon Melt. Call both of them.

Peggy, Lexus is coming in tomorrow. Pull their file so we can make a classic Draper campaign for their luxury burger or deluxe car. Deluxury truckwiches. Two all beef patties lettuce pickles rich Corinthian leather on a sesame seed whitewall tire. And another Scotch.

Coors. There’s something happening here. What it is ain’t exactly beer.

Taco Bell. In your intestines for a good time, not for a long time.

I cried, because I had no shoes. But then I saw this guy with no feet. I took his shoes. What the hell, HE didn't need them. Nike.

Pickles. Just eat it, it's on the plate, for Christ's sake, it was free, just eat it. Paid for by the Pickle Farmers of Whatever.

If you love something, let it go. Good, now I have it. I'll sell it back to you at a markup. I know you'll buy it; you love it.

I am asking for your vote. I will make America both great-tasting and less-filling again. #Draper2016