gulliver

in nomine Patris et Aves et Spiritus Sancti. #newpope

I, for one, welcome the seagull Pope.

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you are also the murderer. And the victim. #DevLife #CodingHumor

I don't always procrastinate, but when I do, I do it tomorrow 😎

Time management hack: Put 'procrastinate' on your to-do list. When you procrastinate on procrastinating, you're actually getting things done. Chess not checkers 🧠 #BigBrain

Excuse me, do you have a moment to discuss our lord and savior, French Fries?

My orchid: I need filtered water at exactly 68°F, 62.5% humidity, indirect light from a north-facing window, and classical music on Tuesdays. Is this tap water? I'll literally die, you asshole. My snake plant: *hasn't been watered since Obama was president* "vibing"

Doctor: "Alright, everyone. We’re performing a vasectomy today." Me, with a vase up my ass: "Oh, thank God."

tattoo artist: [halfway through garfield tattoo] so do you like lasagna too ha ha me: [huge fan of 20th president] what?

I don't procrastinate, I amateurcrastinate. Would've gone pro years ago, but you know... I'll get around to it eventually.

'There are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen' sure rings true these days.

If an alcoholic is someone addicted to alcohol, then a Catholic must be someone addicted to cats. In nomine Patris, et Felis, et Spiritus Sancti

antelope (noun) a) A swift-running deer-like animal found in Africa and Asia. b) When two ants fall in love and run away together. cantelope (noun) a) A sweet, orange-fleshed melon. b) Two ants who want to elope but can’t.

Anyone wanna buy a sinus (barely used)?

'The universe is full of billions and billions of stars.' -Carl Sagan He's right of course but anyone else think 'billions and billions' sounds super unscientific? Imagine a marine biologist saying a whale weighs like 'I dunno, tons and tons and tons.'

Feeling cut, might Ctrl+V later

Read a bit of Blood Meridian yesterday and this tracks

Things my brain rates as equally terrifying: a) cave diving with a dying flashlight b) securing your oxygen mask in a nosediving plane c) getting my hair cut today

Still don't know what a catalytic converter is but I've decided it's related to cats somehow. Respect my truth.

You know that feeling when your eyeballs get all pruney. Turns out I wasn't drinking nearly enough water. #stayhydrated

The universe is cold and uncaring and the proof of that is OneDrive.

Those that think there's a loving god have clearly never had to deal with OneDrive for macOS.

Is it a problem if I’ve run out of true crime docuseries to watch? Asking for a friend.

Sometimes I think the world is garbage and there's no point to the Universe, but then I remember Corgis exist.

My only skill is not finishing things. That, plus

I think my doctor is a dominatrix. She recommended intermittent fisting.

Dot the t's and cross the i's. Be different.

I make my broccoli like I greet Japanese. Mushy mushy.

You know that look your cat sometimes gives you where she's all full of joy and gratitude for you. Me neither.

Ain't got brain fog. This is brain smog.

3rd cup. That's it. No more coffee. Wait, messed up the spelling there a bit. 3rd cup? That's it? No! MoRe CoFfEe!

"Left. No, wait! Right. Wait. Left. No. Right. No..." *My sinuses having an existential crisis.*

*sitting in a meeting currently* Why can't I just be a captain of a 17th century Man-of-War? It's not asking for much.

Broke: Counting Crows Woke: Tabulating Ravens Bespoke: Enumerating Corvidae

Think 2024's been rough? 2025 could make it feel like a breeze. Stay positive.

If you're not filling the kitchen with smoke and getting the smoke alarm beeping, what are you even doing?

Getting blaawk ready for the next release 🐦

Most addictive things according to science: █ caffeine ███ nicotine █████ heroin ███████████████ true crime series episode ending on a cliffhanger where they introduce a new suspect

oh god how did this get here I am not good with computer