. . . simply bpd ➶

since 13 i’ve spent my life building this giant teenage museum, mausoleum maybe, dutifully wolfishly writing every moment down, and repeating it all back like folklore. and now there isn’t any more of it

i can turn you into poetry, but i cannot make you love me. i am a writer, not a magician, not cupid.

Look here, the hell were you——….Ahh, I mean, are you teasing me like I’m weak…?

You're so polite with your sadness. you don't want to ruin this for anyone.

You were the reason for living How could you do such a heinous thing?

mom? dad? why don't you love me?

Mom, I'm tired Can I sleep in your house tonight? Mom, is it alright If I stay for a year or two?

I know he loves me, and I hate that it still hurts just because it’s not the same as mine. I don’t want to be this kind of person. This is why I tried to pretend I didn’t –

Let's marry in the space station!

i'm scared i will never escape this dehumanizing feeling i experience every waking minute of my life

i exist， that is all， and i find it nauseating.

what a dangerous feeling that was, to be willing to be the icarus to his sun.

I feel a million miles away

if i grow up, who will love me?

i think i wait for people to hurt me. and when they do i feel a certain smugness at being right. and after that, i just feel pain

in another universe, i get to save you — you're still alive.

No way you can forget me, Sara. You're already broken.

i pretended everything would be okay because it seemed impossible to always be saying goodbye. to blueberries. to ocean. to ravens. to pelicans and plovers. to the cormorants. to the sunlight on the living room wall at four o'clock. to the sound of you in the next room.

I want you to hate me, I want you to leave me. I need you, but I have to keep you safe from me.

I always thought I might be bad, now I am sure that it's true! 'Cause I think you're so good, and I'm nothing like you!

I have tried loving less, but that hurts just the same.

but when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand.

I'll do anything for love

you never said goodbye.

i have this strange feeling that i'm not myself anymore. it's hard to put it into words, but i guess it's like i was fast asleep. and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again.

if you send for me， you know i'll come. and if you call for me， you know i'll run.

and perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone. do you think?

a sickness, frenzy of resentment at everything, but myself at the bottom. i lie wakeful at night, wake exhausted with that sense of razor-shaved nerves. i must be my own doctor. i must cure this very destructive paralysis & ruinous brooding & daydreaming

the cage is open. you can walk out anytime. why are you still in there?

And here it is, our final night alive

I’m supposed to be the hero But here I am still fuckin’ up

Thank you for going all out for my sake.

let me tell you about my childhood. damaged & ripped apart. i have been unhappy for as long as i could remember. i was born mouldable, and through violence, i was shaped into a monster.

If you make a promise, you keep it, if you make a mistake, you apologize. And if you give someone a dream, you defend it to the end.

But I feel like you don't need me When I feel like you don't need me Then I feel like you don't see me And my life has no meaning, drain me

no offense but fuck you for using me to make you happy until you felt that you didn't need me anymore and left me wondering where i went wrong

You promise protection, I don't feel protected

i used to think i would tell stories but nobody cared for the stories i had about no good guys

You gave everything you had, plus your life to them pill bottles

too much! too much is wrong with me. that’s the problem isn’t it? too much is wrong with me, and you can’t do anything about that. you can’t change it. you can’t fix me. because i’m not broken, i don’t need to be fixed.

...i want you to tell me that you still love me.

LOOK. YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DESTROY ME. LOOK. I CAN DO IT MYSELF.

dear life, please don't make me cry again and again. i don't have any shoulder to cry upon, i'm all alone.

healing from someone I once thought I would heal with.

i used to think i would tell stories but nobody cared for the stories i had about no good guys

everything will be okay. / but what if it's not?

if you are intolerable, let me be the one to tolerate you