richard evan

richard evan

@sludgefactory.bsky.social

proud anti-fascist

317 followers306 following106 posts

Credit scores are so weird. Consistent payments and my score plummets. A delinquency of 30 days on a loan from while I was unemployed, and my score skyrockets. Make it make sense. This whole system is a scam.

Life with our X on my phone has been significantly refreshing. The amount of conservative posts flooding my feed was otherworldly at times. Look. I don't mind or have any ill will towards those who have differing political beliefs than myself. Everyone is different. HOWEVER (cont)

I have serious issue with those who believe in dismantling our democracy and trampling on our constitution. It's being done openly and willingly, and folks are okay with it because it's "owning the libs." It doesn't just affect the Democrats, but Republicans too. It doesn't discriminate. (cont)

You may not be feeling the effects now, but you will, and it's going to hurt a lot. They won't do a goddamn thing to help you when it does happen unless you're a billionaire. They're rigging us against each other to make this happen. Is it really worth that to own the libs?

So my attendance/productivity at work has taken a nosedive since my dad died, because of my depression. I knew it was only a matter of time before I got a talking to about it. I'm no longer allowed to work remotely anymore. Is it weird to be kind of relieved?

Man, I miss my dad. It's been four months and the grief is still just as fresh. I beat myself up with a lot of guilt over not being there when he passed away in the hospital. Only ten minutes passed between the hospital's phone call that he was actively dying and him passing away at 11:55pm.

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I was glad he wasn't suffering anymore. He went out on his own terms and when he knew he was ready. He looked at death in the face and was at peace with his decision. If he was scared, he never told anyone. I hope there's an afterlife because he deserves to be there, happy and with those he loved.

Man, I miss my dad. It's been four months and the grief is still just as fresh. I beat myself up with a lot of guilt over not being there when he passed away in the hospital. Only ten minutes passed between the hospital's phone call that he was actively dying and him passing away at 11:55pm.

I got to the ICU at about midnight. I remember entering the room and just sobbing when I saw my dad. I apologized for not being there, I sobbed for not being able to bring him home like he wanted to. I sobbed because I thought I had more time and didn't get to say how I felt or say goodbye.

I'm just saying, the CEO shooter has united Americans from the left and right. It's been a loooong time since I've seen this kind of unity. Imagine what we could do if we were like this all the time.

gofund.me/7bab74f7 A dear friend of mine passed away two weeks ago. She leaves behind a daughter that she loved so damn much, and David, a good friend of mine as well. She fought hard but ultimately her organs couldn't fight off the infection.

gofund.meDonate to A Bright Light No Longer Shines: Support David and Alexa., organized by Alissa McLaughlinDear friends, family, loved ones, and anyone else who this ma… Alissa McLaughlin needs your support for A Bright Light No Longer Shines: Support David and Alexa.

Back is still killing me. Tried going on base for work this morning only to find out my credentials are invalid somehow. Now I'm waiting to hear back from my boss 😫 I can't get my credentials fixed til Monday anyway

Also, if you love Star Wars, get yourself a copy of Darth Maul: Shadow Hunter on audiobook. Sam Witwer (voice of Maul) reads it and he does amazing. His voices of his characters are top notch.

It's been a few days since I deactivated my X account, and I don't miss it. Bluesky is a refreshing change. Elon fucked with so much stuff on X, my algorithm became unbearable. I was blocking so many accounts because he was shoving right-wing accounts into my feed.

I don't necessarily mind seeing conservative accounts, but the majority are the unhinged MAGA types. The racist, homophobic, xenophobic and conspiracy spreading types. The ones who refuse to debate; that their view is the right view, the only view. So close minded it was pointless to engage.

Continuing from earlier. About ten years ago I had a therapist and my doctor for medication. My therapist didn't like that I took Klonopin for my anxiety, and told my doctor I was abusing my prescription. I wasn't. I was accused of forging/duplicating my prescription to get extras.

That provider then broke up with me as a patient to avoid getting in trouble. I was dependent on Klonopin and it was extremely difficult finding another doctor who'd prescribe it. I found one who weaned me off, thankfully, but it took months.

It completely shattered my trust in therapists, that one would lie to another because they were against a medicine I was taking as prescribed. I thought she was a great therapist and then she did that. I haven't been to a therapist regularly since.

Another thing that I hate myself for currently is I got so stressed out, I shut down mentally and I cut people out. They didn't really deserve that from me. It's a horrible survival mechanism I somehow have, and I hate it.

I got a referral for a therapist and psychiatrist today, as well as a dosage increase for my antidepressant. Lord knows I need the therapy to process all of this. It's been so long since I spoke to one, and that ended *HORRIBLY.* It shattered any trust I had for mental health professionals.

Depression is horrible. I've been stuck in this rut since my dad died. I just feel numb to everything around me. I don't want to be numb. I want to feel. I want to grieve. I want to be able to process this.