snaylor

was Edward Scissorhands whacking it with his feet?

guy with a Minecraft skin that looks naked "yo do u guys remember flash mobs?"

she blow on my hole until I hump her back

important to remember baseball isn't about winning or losing, it's about repairing the way you relate to your dad

guy who thinks bombs were planted on 9/11 but only in one of the towers

pissing myself on a basketball court: now that's what I call dribbling!

Burger King Chicken Fries

nic to olandria: you're like a century egg in that it feels like we've been together for a hundred years but when I finally open it up and take a bite I realize there's a fetus growing inside you I don't get what y'all see in these two you freaks

It’s tough living with feet dysmorphia

trying to name my top 3 favourite celebrities while quitting nicotine: Steven Cigar, Polly Dartin, Zyndaya

watching the game awards

RIP BOZO! I mean... I'm sorry for your loss bozo

me when I fart

a man wearing a watch asks a Minnesotan for the time, the Minnesotan points at his watch and says "Dontcha know?"

hearing this new thing about how planes flying over drop chemicals on an unwitting population controlled by the puppet hands of the government, stay tuned.

you should be able to give the opposing pitcher a mound visit too and psych him out by saying things like "that ball looks bigger than the others" "is your elbow swollen? you're moving it weird" "did you know you're tipping your pitches?"

feel really sick, think I might have equine infectious anemia..

I don't know what weaponized incompetence is but I'm not sure how to look it up... won't someone tell me? I really want to know!!

me: I think I'm going to kill myself by Elton John my therapist (gf): no! bad girl! me: 😞 okay nvm my beautiful therapist: good girl! want cummies? me: 🐶 *wags tail excitedly*

caveman discovers pissing: *trickling water* GUH!

watching the world series like a neglected child rn

at Lee Harvey Oswald's funeral: "you guys have to make everything political huh?"

Lee Harvey Keitel General Patton Oswalt

I've heard people say "sex isn't THAT good" before but what other things are that good and only take 5 minutes or less?

twitter: smoking cigarettes indoors threads: sleeping at the office bluesky: living off the grid

you have a really good taste in music thanks I didn't have a lot of friends when I was younger

born to goon, forced to cum

gay thot or son daughter? trick question I already know you have gay thoughts all the time

perfect, now I can make my account for daily updates on Sufjan Stevens 50 states project. if anyone was wondering he still has 48 to go.