Carlos B. Eaton

WAIT ARE WE GONNA BE OKAY ACTUALLY?

In the year of our lord 2026, if you’re wearing blue eye contacts, I automatically assume you’re dark sided and satanic no matter what you say.

Horned, hateful, hopeful 💕

Looking at my self in the front facing camera from increasingly unflattering angles until I hurt my own feelings

I am a little pie, a bit of sweetie a lot of cutie

Depends on what I’m about to say and why I’m texting. If it’s something like to actually say, I’ll just start typing. If I’m thinking about them and just want them to know, I’ll greet.

Here’s to the ladies who vote. EVERYBODY VOTE.

Tbh I think it’d be kinda fun to be a ghost like not a malicious one but maybe one that plays little pranks like teehee I turned the lights on and off oooooooOoooo or like even helpful like damn let me tie your tie diva you need help I gotchu ooooooOooooo

The… what?

Kitty pur boots house down slay yas sister?

Divas who VOTE.

I think all our fat cocks are like snowflakes. We are all unique tapestries, our special, fat cocks

This film unlocked and unleashed me

When I was but a young child I desperately wanted a water bed

He has never come through my window because he was watching the exorcist and it got him thinking of me like when will I know true love

I personally feel like the scent of Vicks vaporub should turn any man all the way the fuck on

As someone who went to Brazil for a week earlier this year, I take full credit for Lula’s victory

HI DIVAS I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO PROVIDE PROOF OF LIFE GOOD EVENING FROM ME AND MY FUCKASS SKIN THAT CAN CHOKE RN!!!

I haven’t taken a picture of myself in some time because, as of late, my skin has been like “oh that one zit is gone? Here’s another my darling” and like I actually think that means one of yall did something so heinous that god is making it impossible for you to see my beauty

Aaron made a meme about hung Latinos with fat asses and no one tagged me is this loss

Geef me een klaap papa

Sorry I haven’t skeeted today yall. I am in the hospital being treated for lack of kisses so hopefully I will recover soon.

I had sancocho and tostones con ajo with dinner today. It was cunt.

Do yall remember the sixth grade girls from Hey Arnold? They were the baddest bitches I had ever seen like they had six year old me shaking

A NEW BLOCKBUSTER ROMANTIC COMEDY STARRING CHR*S PR*TT AND G*L G*DOT OR Inserting metal pins into your scrotum

In the office and hit with the tired stick someone pls help me

So I, like most people, love the show adults but I also hate the show adults because they’re like omfg I’m so old im so not cool anymore THEY ARE TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD THEYRE ALL LITERAL INFANTS 😭

Physically I’m in the office but emotionally soy una gata bajo la lluvia you know what I mean

Trying to lose weight solely for the goal of making my dick look bigger

List of people I think should be thrown into a well r*an m*rphy t*drick h*ll the g*p

Quick someone find me a non racist pop girlie to stan NOW

I wasn’t gonna drink tonight but I’m just very upset that g*l g*dot has a career in film 😭

I am only going to get more Latina with time

Because r*an m*rphy

That’s crazy. I think oomf longs for me in the most spiritual of senses.

I’m going to throw up

I’m a very quality over quantity kind of bloomf. Do I skeet all throughout the day? No. When I do skeet, are my skeets meant to be entertaining, educational, or informative? Also no.

I want to get a train run on me but like over the rubble of a burned down data center

It’s all cool until you suddenly remember that Casper the friendly ghost is just a yassified dead baby

DayQuil save me pls save me dayqul

Abraham Lincoln never disavowed the Muslim brotherhood omg

The Grand Lux Cafe on Michigan Ave is becoming an Am*rican E*gle and I can’t think of anything more homophobic

Even though I have a cold or whatever rn I think everyone should still love me anyway