The Something Guide to Everything

WE ARE EXCITED TO HELP YOU ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS.

FOR MORE ON FAILURE, RAGE, AND THE INDOMITABLE ENTEPRENERIAL SPIRIT, REFER TO CITIZEN SHINBONE AT THE CHEERFUL EARFUL THIS FRIDAY

FOR MORE ON MAIL DELIVERY, DEATH, AND REINCARNATING AS A MOOSE, REFER TO THE COLD PLUNGE. #Audiodramasunday the-cold-plunge.com

REMEMBER YOUR MANTRA: I AM TOUGH. I AM STRONG. I TRUST IN THE UNIVERSES PLAN FOR ME. I AM NOT GOING TO BE BEATEN BY A PIECE OF FABRIC. TEARS MAY COME AT THIS POINT. LET THEM. - EXCERPT FROM “SO YOU WANT TO SET UP A HAMMOCK”

THERE’S NO SHAME IN GETTING DERAILED. JUST DO YOUR BEST UNTIL YOU’RE BACK ON TRACK -EXCERPT FROM “SO YOU WANT TO DRIVE A TRAIN”

STEP 1: BUILD A PRINTING PRESS STEP 2: ESTABLISH A GOVERNMENT STRONG ENOUGH TO ISSUE FIAT CURRENCY STEP 3: LEARN THE BASICS OF ENGRAVING -EXCERPT FROM “SO YOU WANT TO MAKE MONEY”

THERE’S NO SHAME IN GETTING DERAILED. JUST DO YOUR BEST UNTIL YOU’RE BACK ON TRACK -EXCERPT FROM “SO YOU WANT TO DRIVE A TRAIN”

GAZE NOT TOO DEEPLY INTO THE ABYSS FOR YOU MAY FIND IT STARES BACK -EXCERPT FROM “SO YOU WANT TO BAKE A DONUT”

This is going to be very special.

REMEMBER YOUR MANTRA: I AM TOUGH. I AM STRONG. I TRUST IN THE UNIVERSES PLAN FOR ME. I AM NOT GOING TO BE BEATEN BY A PIECE OF FABRIC. TEARS MAY COME AT THIS POINT. LET THEM. - EXCERPT FROM “SO YOU WANT TO SET UP A HAMMOCK”

FOR MORE ON KNIGHT-RUN BAKERIES, BABY MIMICS, AND AVOIDING THE MAIN PLOT, SEE THE SIDEQUESTING SEASON 4 KICKSTARTER

JAR CLEANING TIPS: 1. MAKE SURE THE JAR IS EMPTY. 2. CHECK THE JAR AGAIN, JUST TO BE SURE. 3. TAKE ONE MORE LOOK IN THAT JAR. 4. FILL THE JAR WITH A SOLUTION OF 2 PARTS VINEGAR TO 1 PART DISH SOAP, SCRUB, THEN RINSE. -EXCERPT FROM 'SO YOU WANT TO GROW A HOMUNCULUS'

I have been watching this account with so much trepidation interest. I am deeply curious (and moderately concerned) about what will come out of it.

FOR MORE ON MURDER, MAYHEM, AND GENETICALLY MODIFIED PIT FIGHTERS HAVING EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWNS, SEE KILLJAM XXX @killjamxxx.bsky.social #audiodramasunday

JUST AS IN REAL ESTATE, THE KEY TO SUCCESS HERE IS “LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION.” - EXCERPT FROM “SO YOU WANT TO BE A SNAKE IN A BOOT”

TO ORDER A COPY OF "SO YOU WANT TO BE A SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON" SEND A LUCID DREAM AND A SELF-ADDRESSED ENVELOPE TO -̵̻͔̣͊͐ ̷̠͔̮̦͕͉̰͕͍̭̥͔̘͆̈́͝-̶̡̪͕̝̪̝̥̟̝̰̣̙̯̰̻͊́̿͐̾̋͘ ̶͚͙̆̈́̎͒̃̈͋̏̕͠-̵̡͓̻̯͓̺̥̟͙̳͕̦͔͐̓̿͛͂͌͐̉ͅ ̸̢̘̰̝͈̍ͅ-̷̧̨͔̻̣͇̭̰͎̯͂͒̾̍̄͑̀̇͗̇̓̓̏͜͠ͅͅ ̵͇̝̭̫́̔͝-̷̞̯̹̺̪̓̅̈́͘ ̸̨̨̦̗͍̘̳͈̜̬̦́͗̿̑̉͛͑͌̅̈͊-̴̨̪̫̟̫̤̣̀̈́̇̈̈́̐̏̏̐ ̷̧̧̣͕͖̞̯̟̬̭̇͒̋ͅ-̶̧̢͍̺̺̹͎̱̬̮̘̑̅-̵͔̥̟̖͔̠̜̾̎͗̋͐̽̒̾͝ ̴̛̦̩͓̇̐͐͑͐̓̅̀-̸̧̧̺̠̠̹̘͇̭̤̏̌̇̀͒̓ ̴͉̖̖͈̣̮̦̩̒̑̿̔̑̽͘ͅͅ-̴̜͉̞̻̪̤̲̝͌͐̊̾̍̊́̏̍͜͝ͅ ̸̡̧͔̖̟̥̬̖͈̻͚̳̲̱̮̌̚-̶̼̱̉͊͊̏͘͝ ̸̡̢̖̝͈̝̹̝̞̖̰̼͓̦̭̒͐̋̅̎͗̐͆̇̏̿̀-̷̧̭̯͉̱̺͎̹͓̙̪͓̗̑ͅ ̵̨̹̖̘͖͊̓͑̈͆̓̂͝͝ͅ-̵̲͕͛͗̂̉ ̵͔͓̼̳̝͇̟̻̪̣̭͂̿͐͗͜-̷͖̞̳̺̳̥̭̝͐̽̽̔̉̉̕̕͜͝ ̸̞͚̣̭̈́͛͊̈́̀̎̾̂͆̕͘͝-̶̺̗̰͎̯̦̭̞͔͗̈́̎̑̉͛͗̈́̋̓̈̕͘ ̷̨̪̺͉̄́͠-̶̛̼͕̝͙͐̍̀̍̿̑͛͋͊̉̂̚̕̕ ̴̖̗̣̜͕̝͇͕͊̔͂̏-̵̣͍̰͓̩̣̠̳̦͕͚̦̼̗̾̑͗̈̈́̚̕ ̶̗̳̼̪̩͚̭̮̰͋̾͂̌̃̌͑͋̀̒͒̐͠ͅ-̸̨͍̦̯͇̠̪̩̾̈́͑̅͌͂̾̅̎̌͛͋̚͝͝ ̸̨͇̲͇̬̟̥͌̄͋̔-̸̭̙͈͈̱̠̹̮̫̈́͆̉̓̄͊͊͒͋̂̍̉̇̚͝ ̸̜͇̜͉̗͎͔͐̄̃̋̋̓͘̚-̷̬͚̆ ̷͔̘̽̓̆͛̇̑͝͝-̶͈̰̭͉̟͍̒̈́̾̀̂̾̏͠

TOP TIPS FOR IMMATERIAL THOUGHTFORMS - 1. IMMANATE FREELY 2. EMANATE FREQUENTLY 3. REIFY THE METAPHOR

TOP TIPS FOR IMMATERIAL THOUGHTFORMS - 1. IMMANATE FREELY 2. EMANATE FREQUENTLY 3. REIFY THE METAPHOR

Custom cast greetings have been sent to backers! All that's left now is to wrangle some promo swaps and set our release dates and season 3 is a GO!

TO ORDER A COPY OF THE SOMETHING GUIDE TO EVERYTHING’S GUIDE “SO YOU WANT TO BE A FEMME FATALE,” SEND A CERTIFICATE OF A DEAD SPOUSE AND A SELF-ADDRESSED ENVELOPE TO -̵̻͔̣͊͐ ̷̠͔̮̦͕͉̰͕͍̭̥͔̘͆̈́͝-̶̡̪͕̝̪̝̥̟̝̰̣̙̯̰̻͊́̿͐̾̋͘ ̶͚͙̆̈́̎͒̃̈͋̏̕͠-̵̡͓̻̯͓̺̥̟͙̳͕̦͔͐̓̿͛͂͌͐̉ͅ ̸̢̘̰̝͈̍ͅ-̷̧̨͔̻̣͇̭̰͎̯͂͒̾̍̄͑̀̇͗̇̓̓̏͜͠ͅͅ ̵͇̝̭̫́̔͝-̷̞̯̹̺̪̓̅̈́͘ ̸̨̨̦̗͍̘̳͈̜̬̦́͗̿̑̉͛͑͌̅̈͊-̴̨̪̫̟̫̤̣̀̈́̇̈̈́̐̏̏̐ ̷̧̧̣͕͖̞̯̟̬̭̇͒̋ͅ-̶̧̢͍̺̺̹͎̱̬̮̘̑̅-̵͔̥̟̖͔̠̜̾̎͗̋͐̽̒̾͝ ̴̛̦̩͓̇̐͐͑͐̓̅̀-̸̧̧̺̠̠̹̘͇̭̤̏̌̇̀͒̓ ̴͉̖̖͈̣̮̦̩̒̑̿̔̑̽͘ͅͅ-̴̜͉̞̻̪̤̲̝͌͐̊̾̍̊́̏̍͜͝ͅ ̸̡̧͔̖̟̥̬̖͈̻͚̳̲̱̮̌̚-̶̼̱̉͊͊̏͘͝ ̸̡̢̖̝͈̝̹̝̞̖̰̼͓̦̭̒͐̋̅̎͗̐͆̇̏̿̀-̷̧̭̯͉̱̺͎̹͓̙̪͓̗̑ͅ ̵̨̹̖̘͖͊̓͑̈͆̓̂͝͝ͅ-̵̲͕͛͗̂̉ ̵͔͓̼̳̝͇̟̻̪̣̭͂̿͐͗͜-̷͖̞̳̺̳̥̭̝͐̽̽̔̉̉̕̕͜͝ ̸̞͚̣̭̈́͛͊̈́̀̎̾̂͆̕͘͝-̶̺̗̰͎̯̦̭̞͔͗̈́̎̑̉͛͗̈́̋̓̈̕͘ ̷̨̪̺͉̄́͠-̶̛̼͕̝͙͐̍̀̍̿̑͛͋͊̉̂̚̕̕ ̴̖̗̣̜͕̝͇͕͊̔͂̏-̵̣͍̰͓̩̣̠̳̦͕͚̦̼̗̾̑͗̈̈́̚̕ ̶̗̳̼̪̩͚̭̮̰͋̾͂̌̃̌͑͋̀̒͒̐͠ͅ-̸̨͍̦̯͇̠̪̩̾̈́͑̅͌͂̾̅̎̌͛͋̚͝͝ ̸̨͇̲͇̬̟̥͌̄͋̔-̸̭̙͈͈̱̠̹̮̫̈́͆̉̓̄͊͊͒͋̂̍̉̇̚͝ ̸̜͇̜͉̗͎͔͐̄̃̋̋̓͘̚-̷̬͚̆ ̷͔̘̽̓̆͛̇̑͝͝-̶͈̰̭͉̟͍̒̈́̾̀̂̾̏͠

TO ORDER A COPY OF THE SOMETHING GUIDE TO EVERYTHING’S GUIDE “SO YOU WANT TO GET RID OF THOSE MEDDLING KIDS,” SEND A LIFELIKE RUBBER MASK AND A SELF-ADDRESSED ENVELOPE TO -̵̻͔͊͐ ̷̠͆̈́͝-̶͊́̿͘ ̶̆̈́̎̕-̵͐̓̿͛ ̸̢̘̰̍- - -̴̀̈́̇̈ ̷-- - - - - ̓͑͝-̵͛͗̂̉ ̵͂̿-͝ ̸̈́͛͊̕-̶ - ̔͂̏-̵̾ -̸̾ -̸ - ̷̽̓-̶

TO ORDER A COPY OF THE SOMETHING GUIDE TO EVERYTHING’S GUIDE “SO YOU WANT TO GET RID OF THOSE MEDDLING KIDS,” SEND A LIFELIKE RUBBER MASK AND A SELF-ADDRESSED ENVELOPE TO -̵̻͔͊͐ ̷̠͆̈́͝-̶͊́̿͘ ̶̆̈́̎̕-̵͐̓̿͛ ̸̢̘̰̍- - -̴̀̈́̇̈ ̷-- - - - - ̓͑͝-̵͛͗̂̉ ̵͂̿-͝ ̸̈́͛͊̕-̶ - ̔͂̏-̵̾ -̸̾ -̸ - ̷̽̓-̶

NOIR FILM PROTAGONIST TOP TIPS 1. AVOID SWIMMING POOLS 2. DO NOT KILL YOUR PERFECT DOUBLE AND STEAL THEIR LIFE 3. THE SUITCASE HAS A NUKE IN IT -EXCERPT FROM: “SO YOU WANT TO OPEN A DETECTIVE AGENCY”

IMPORTANT: 1. AVOID SWIMMING IN POOLS 2: YEAH BAD IDEA! Hush 🤐 3: NEVER WORRY ABOUT THE NUKE!’

NOIR FILM PROTAGONIST TOP TIPS 1. AVOID SWIMMING POOLS 2. DO NOT KILL YOUR PERFECT DOUBLE AND STEAL THEIR LIFE 3. THE SUITCASE HAS A NUKE IN IT -EXCERPT FROM: “SO YOU WANT TO OPEN A DETECTIVE AGENCY”

😱 What! You want to be a skeleton 💀 But also send a send a bone 🦴 and self addressed envelope to…….

TO ORDER A COPY OF THE SOMETHING GUIDE TO EVERYTHING’S GUIDE “SO YOU WANT TO BE A SKELETON,” SEND YOUR FAVORITE BONE AND A SELF-ADDRESSED ENVELOPE TO -̵̻͔̣͊͐ ̷̠͔̮̦͕͉̰͕͍̭̥͔̘͆̈́͝-̶̡̪͕̝̪̝̥̟̝̰̣̙̯̰̻͊́̿͐̾̋͘ ̶͚͙̆̈́̎͒̃̈͋̏̕͠-̵̡͓̻̯͓̺̥̟͙̳͕̦͔͐̓̿͛͂͌͐̉ͅ ̸̢̘̰̝͈̍ͅ-̷̧̨͔̻̣͇̭̰͎̯͂͒̾̍̄͑̀̇͗̇̓̓̏͜͠ͅͅ ̵͇̝̭̫́̔͝-̷̞̯̹̺̪̓̅̈́͘ ̸̨̨̦̗͍̘̳͈̜̬̦́͗̿̑̉͛͑͌̅̈͊-̴̨̪̫̟̫̤̣̀̈́̇̈̈́̐̏̏̐ ̷̧̧̣͕͖̞̯̟̬̭̇͒̋ͅ-̶̧̢͍̺̺̹͎̱̬̮̘̑̅-̵͔̥̟̖͔̠̜̾̎͗̋͐̽̒̾͝ ̴̛̦̩͓̇̐͐͑͐̓̅̀-̸̧̧̺̠̠̹̘͇̭̤̏̌̇̀͒̓ ̴͉̖̖͈̣̮̦̩̒̑̿̔̑̽͘ͅͅ-̴̜͉̞̻̪̤̲̝͌͐̊̾̍̊́̏̍͜͝ͅ ̸̡̧͔̖̟̥̬̖͈̻͚̳̲̱̮̌̚-̶̼̱̉͊͊̏͘͝ ̸̡̢̖̝͈̝̹̝̞̖̰̼͓̦̭̒͐̋̅̎͗̐͆̇̏̿̀-̷̧̭̯͉̱̺͎̹͓̙̪͓̗̑ͅ ̵̨̹̖̘͖͊̓͑̈͆̓̂͝͝ͅ-̵̲͕͛͗̂̉ ̵͔͓̼̳̝͇̟̻̪̣̭͂̿͐͗͜-̷͖̞̳̺̳̥̭̝͐̽̽̔̉̉̕̕͜͝ ̸̞͚̣̭̈́͛͊̈́̀̎̾̂͆̕͘͝-̶̺̗̰͎̯̦̭̞͔͗̈́̎̑̉͛͗̈́̋̓̈̕͘ ̷̨̪̺͉̄́͠-̶̛̼͕̝͙͐̍̀̍̿̑͛͋͊̉̂̚̕̕ ̴̖̗̣̜͕̝͇͕͊̔͂̏-̵̣͍̰͓̩̣̠̳̦͕͚̦̼̗̾̑͗̈̈́̚̕ ̶̗̳̼̪̩͚̭̮̰͋̾͂̌̃̌͑͋̀̒͒̐͠ͅ-̸̨͍̦̯͇̠̪̩̾̈́͑̅͌͂̾̅̎̌͛͋̚͝͝ ̸̨͇̲͇̬̟̥͌̄͋̔-̸̭̙͈͈̱̠̹̮̫̈́͆̉̓̄͊͊͒͋̂̍̉̇̚͝ ̸̜͇̜͉̗͎͔͐̄̃̋̋̓͘̚-̷̬͚̆ ̷͔̘̽̓̆͛̇̑͝͝-̶͈̰̭͉̟͍̒̈́̾̀̂̾̏͠