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I've designed a new form of martial art where you simply admire your opponent's fighting stance as with the guiltless eyes of a child

My name is Transverse Terry; I'm developing a world-spanning Main St that runs the length of the equator. Unluckily my nemesis, Sagittal Sam, just started on a world-spanning Main Ave along the prime meridian. I have little choice but to concede or risk playing right into the hands of Junction Joan

I hear you. Loud and clear. I will no longer be casting 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐑 at baptisms in my area. Although 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐑 is actually more of a blessing, I should not have expected the broader community to be aware. I will be sure to fix that before casting 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐑 at any future baptisms.

Announcement. Citizen-Slave #49133. Because of your helpful comments at morning convocation, 18 drops of nutrient slurry have been added to your gruel. Grow strong. Announcement. Citizen-Slave #8160. Because of your generally petulant character, you have been sentenced to 11,000 years in the pit.

Oh, you think wearing costumes is a cool, funny thing? I do it every day. At work I wear a big confusing hat so my boss can't find my eyes; she can't tell when I'm gazing out the window, wishing to go home and put on my big confusing gloves so my wife can't tell when I'm playing video games

When I unveiled a new form of punctuation at last year's CommaConf, it was met with skepticism. Fortunately, this was my plan, and the skepticism squiggle took off immediately. Things didn't bode as well for my next project, the doubt dot, which was a total flop due to my previous success

My YouTube channel is called The Lay Monastic. I follow the latest goings-on regarding various types of monks and nuns. I'm frequently dragged by insulting comments that insist posting community updates about my involuntary hiatus violates my voluntary vow of silence

Idea for a new world: each individual has sole responsibility for one Societal Component (SC). An SC can be anything from a library to a traffic light. If you screw up, you're given a second chance - after that, a third chance, and so on

I don't think I can do that yet. I'm experiencing Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). My Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is acting up. I can't do that just yet. I probably shouldn't try that... not till my Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is taken care of.

My opinion, as someone who hasn't done a lot of job interviews but has done a few, is basically that you can sometimes get a job out of them and sometimes not

Insisting to a crowd of worried onlookers that despite a lack of medical training I do possess "doctor-like qualities"

(agitated) What does this have to do with me and my little life? My quiet little life that's so, so small?

Just saw a bull in a china shop. He was actually quite considerate and spatially aware

You can never be "on" a website. You are "on" this beautiful earth. The website is "inside" of you. You "are" the website. I'd appreciate it if you could understand this by our next quarterly check-in

As people become more concerned about hyper-palatable foods, I believe a market will arrive for hyper-unpalatable foods. Driftwood, ceramic, animal fur. We tried a pilot with dirt but the kids were actually too excited to eat it

Sorry, you've caught me on an indifferent Monday; I cannot spare you any zeal. Tuesday is my day of passion. Please reach back out when I have more fervor.

War Forever

My love, I hope this letter finds you well. Things go nicely at the bog, and the other men are in good spirits. They say if we place our nets right we'll return with bog crabs enough for the county. But I confess, at times I suffer a sinister melancholy; I've taken to prodding the crabs with a stick

Launching a new line of high-end gummies. Key flavors are buckwheat, camphor, rosewood, shale, egg noodle. Box reads "You are like a wave that forgot about the sea"

People call wonder childlike, but when I was a child I was preoccupied with video games and watching reruns, these days I like to pick a fig from a tree out here cut it open and say Wow

People are always using the urinal as a trash can. Spitting gum into it. Empty snack wrappers. Last time I looked, I saw a feeble, sniveling creature. It peered up at me, it called me father. Walking it down the aisle was the most rewarding experience of my life

New dream concept, your coworkers are all eating a new kind of yogurt with beans in it, they don't even have a special name for it, they call it yogurt with beans. If anyone would like to have a dream like this just let me know

Instead of poisoning the ants, I let them discover that there's nothing for them here. They ate their fill, and over time a small sect came to realize that craving cannot be satiated. They now trail in and skillfully criticize my understanding of the Dharma. I place crumbs in their tiny wooden bowls

🎶 Hello? Sorry, this is the Agriculture department, you want to talk to Gathering. But they're always changing their number, so I'll transfer you to Hunting to find them. Peas hold... Get it? 🎶 Hello, you've reached Fishing. Hunting? Not quite, let me help you out. Please stay on the line. 🎶

Me: So, yeah, I'd say the mango basically approaches "favorite fruit" territory for me Guy interviewing me in my imagination: That's incredible. And you say this because you're eating one now? Me: Exactly. I invented you—gave you mind-birth—for that reason. This habit is one of my many perversions

I vow to tell the truth, the whole truth, and some additional minutae alongside the truth, I think that kind of thing is important, for the presentation of it all, the story, because this is my first time as a witness, you know, or maybe that was a lie, you see how engaging this sort of thing is

You call it a stall; I call it a urination station. This isn't a conscious choice of mine, but a habit I was tricked into forming early in life. It's something I am mocked and pitied for

Oh shit

Kind bar, protein, dark chocolate nut. Four bites to finish, three is doable, two would draw too much attention. Tear open the package, peel it to the side. Try to make it all appear mindless. Be present, live a gracious life, drop the wrapper into the closest appropriate bin

Crazy that my house used to shake free of its foundation and move around from one mysterious location to another

Let's start a book club, which is to say, a club where you read the book I'm reading and finish when I finish. Let's start a club where we all know what page I'm on, what receipt I've made my bookmark, wow, we'll say, groceries have gotten expensive, but you're not helping your case at whole foods

LOADING SCREEN TIP Once you look 20 (actual age not important), the village elders confer to you a relic known as The Font of Untold Pleasure. Once you look 30, the pleasure has ruined your life, so they poison it with caustic lye. Maintain a youthful appearance to boost your time with the font

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝟭𝟬𝟬% 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁. Hiding under a forest log isn't a cry for help—it's a declaration. No matter how scary the forest canopy is, you'll stay where it's dark and moist. And honestly? You are exactly where you need to be. Can I recommend some tasty fungal mycelium, or is leaf matter more your vibe?

Insulting you with "it appears you've grown attached to certain ideas and concepts"

2025 rankings just came in: "talks" are still preferred over "discussions", but "conversations" beat them both out. We see a marked improvement in "chats", just like last year, while "back-and-forths" are at an all-time low.

My newest novel has two characters: Observational Capacity and Goal-Striving Mechanism. It's a story about trust, love, and compromise: 300 uninterrupted pages describing how Observational Capacity beats Goal-Striving Mechanism senseless with hard, blunt objects. At the end, they both die

In my role playing game there are many Matches, which are made up of Rounds, which consist of Turns. Every Turn has four Quarter-Turns. There are several Actions in each Quarter-Turn, and each of those has multiple Moments. Moments are precious. Each one contains the entirety of one Existence

When I'm directing traffic, I enjoy making inconceivable gestures to the cars at my intersection. My favorite part of the job is coming up with non-euclidean hand signs blurring the line between "stop" and "go" in ways that surprise and delight my audience

Okay, the demon king attacks you and (rolls dice) just barely misses. He wails in (rolls dice) extreme disappointment. He (rolls dice, shakes head) was never any good at anything, and (rolls dice) it all comes rushing out in a show of bare emotion. (rolls dice) I need a charisma save from all of you

'hindsight is always 20/20' is actually independent of ZF. cohen showed via a forcing argument that there are choiceless models where hindsight achieves 20/n vision for arbitrarily high n

We were all inventing chemicals in the lab. Someone made a juice that bubbles and fizzes. I studied my beaker and saw it held not juice but a man, tiny and round of face, briefcase in hand. He climbed out and over to a bench one of the others had conjured. A miniscule bus arrived and took him away

Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of being cretinous

When my small, evil roommate (lived in the walls) moved out, she brought the insulation with her, and the floors, and the foundation and the building. I wandered the desert for years. It's only by the grace of the Machine that I'm here now, shrunken and creeping the walls to turn this morbid wheel

I drank one beer at 2 PM and laid down and pulled the earth over me like a blanket and snow fell and grass grew and I turned into a little hill