Stagger McTipsy, AKA Captain Awesome Motherfucker

Hoped to never have to post this, but here's a quick "rules of engagement" rundown: I only block accounts if I see they're solicitation scams. Disagreement is welcome. If I don't follow you, please don't take it as an insult. If you follow I might be more likely to check in on you, but that's it.

OK hear me out on this. Supposedly we're going to have flying cars. Well, I have no use for that. Especially if it's designed by someone infamous for promoting things that fail. But what I could find use for is a mobile toilet. Not a porta potty, but think of a combination of a toilet and Roomba.

He should take a ride in one of his SpaceX rockets. He thinks they're safe, so why not?

If you haven't already, register to vote. Then, vote. Do it if you ain't done it, then do it once you do.

I admit I'm a bit perverse, but I really do find it amusing that many people engage with social media seemingly only to document the myriad ways of how they're offended. At everything. Very much. Always. What satisfying and joyful lives they must have!

@thenickshook.bsky.social Just dropping in to say that was a real pro move on the podcast when Gregg momentarily dropped out. Most would probably panic, but you took it in stride. As Ian MacKaye has written, silence is a dangerous sound. Silence in a podcast is the entertainment version of death.

It just now occurred to me that two of the greatest talents to come from Georgia both had James Brown listed as their names on their birth certificates. There's no point to this observation; I just wanted to record it for posterity.

Update: Donald Trump is still completely full of shit.

Am I the only one who's noticed that in every movie or TV show, whenever they say "I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this," the true explanations and reasons are always unreasonable as fuck?

What a weird yet truthful announcement. "If you give us money, there's a possibility you could get a return on your investment for the short time until we accomplish our goal of destroying humanity. For just the cost of a share in our company, you can help us murder everyone."

I enjoy being blocked or muted by people who are either full of shit or humorless, just because they probably think somehow it bothers me and they've won something. It seems like they have incredibly sad existences, but I'm damn happy to not have them existing sadly in mine.

I find it amusing that when people hear the term "planned obsolescence" they think it just applies to gadgets and not to them. (Yes people, I meant what I said. The ultra rich actually want to kill the rest of you and are trying to do so.) But I am admittedly bent in the brain, so I'm easily amused.

I think it's funny when people try to get me to be concerned about something I would never ever care about in the first place. Trying to get a reaction from me on something I couldn't possibly care less about is a losing proposition, folks.

I like chicks and guns and firetrucks and hookers and drugs and booze. Also, I love animals except humans and other parasites and I'm mostly nice and I have decent taste in footwear. Just for clarification.

LOOK KIDS! SOME MORE COMPLETELY UNSURPRISING SHIT!

It seems unfair to me that only bad guys get to have henchmen.

I'll never understand people. If I was anywhere near a person trying to destroy my country and everything else, even if I summoned every single tiny drop of restraint I could muster, I still couldn't let the fucko just stroll on by. I damn sure wouldn't be polite or wish 'em luck on the golf course.

In this latest edition of Super Unsurprising News:

Everyone should punch a Nazi for Dolly.

When you think about it, it really is astonishing how humans -- supposedly the smartest lifeforms on Earth -- manage to do the stupidest things of all lifeforms on Earth, while also simultaneously being the most annoying and useless of all parasitic lifeforms on Earth. My, aren't we versatile?

I don't make the rules, I just break 'em.

People are freaking out because ICE will have electric shock gloves, without acknowledging that it's going to be extremely funny when thousands of them involuntary suicide by masturbation, and also that there's a whole lot of options available that can keep people from touching you. Don't panic.

Just heard an "NFL analyst" say "I think it's important for this team to stay healthy" and holy shit do I wish I could get a paycheck for delivering that level of in-depth insight.

I know Elon's preoccupied with trying to rule the world and get some fascism and ethnic cleansing happening and send filthy rich folk to space and blast the moon with space junk and whatnot, but I really think he could earn some brownie points by funding the invention of a self-cleaning bong.

If they haven't died and reanimated, they're not zombies. They could be infected, experiment victims, extremely energetic cannibals, or just crazy assholes who really like to rip people apart, but they're NOT zombies! Now, hopefully, there's one less stupid argument for me to hear in the world.

Chevron, United Airlines, TikTok, Oracle, Exxon/Mobil, and RTX (defense contractors) for those who want the truncated version of places to avoid spending money.

I get impatient in the waiting room, stand in the sitting room, use the toilet in the bathroom, and hope to die in the living room. I'm not sure if the English language is goofy or I'm just doing a lot of indoor things wrong.

For no reason at all I decided to list horror movie icons based on the lowest probability of surviving an encounter if they were angry at you. In no order: Pinhead Carrie Godzilla

It kinda creeps me out when someone posts something to social media then goes into a panic if a stranger replies or comments. Like, what do those people think social media is for? It's not for communicating with people you already know; real humans do that in person or via call, text or email.

"Fluffernutter" is a truly unfortunate name for a sandwich.

I feel like not enough people give the Cheech and Chong movie "Up In Smoke" its proper credit for partially being a police procedural documentary.

Back from the front lines, happy to report the food spread was better than usual this year, unhappy to report anyone who is still a MAGAt by now is completely unsalvageable. Sadly, that even goes for the ones who had once ranged from tolerable to almost pleasant in the past.

Going to my neighbor's today and I bet they have Fox News on and I bet the hosts will be saying some shit about how despite all evidence to the contrary the picnic thing has huge crowds and I bet I get giggly pointing out some obvious stupidities and falsehoods. That plus free food? Seems fun to me.

For anyone who wants to read yet another unsurprising news story:

Pay for this or I shall be forced to send infected animals to shit on your doorstep. See that woman outfitted in trash bags fighting a hedge while screaming racial slurs? Want that poop on your stoop? Right. So either subscribe or face the wrath of infected bowels. Your choice, don't be stupid.

Watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre thinking: If you knock on the door of a house and no one answers but you stroll in anyway and a guy wearing a butcher's smock and a skinmask made from other people's faces smacks you in the head with a sledgehammer, really you have no right to bitch about it.

Do it.

@greggrosenthal.bsky.social Eating a waffle by hand whilst wandering through a neighborhood is underrated as a self-defense tactic. Nobody will mess with you, and it's way simpler than donning a garbage bag and starting an altercation with a lamppost or skipping through in a bloody hospital gown.

You know what would be funny? If McDonald's refused service to Trump.

This qualifies for the Biggest Shitbag In History award. Anyone working in the Forest Service in Florida should round up all the extremely violently dangerous wild animals they can and turn them loose at Mar-A-Lago.

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I have an extremely sore left foot.

There's no way anyone can convince me Donald Trump is not a fump. For those who don't know, a fump is a person who farts in the bathtub and bites the bubbles.

Discover how green sea turtles use sponges as cozy beds for their underwater naps. A yawn is just part of their relaxation routine! #TurtleLife #OceanConservation

I like it when I chase someone off just by calling them on their bullshit. Look, here's my position regarding social media. If you post an obvious lie, fine. Like I give a shit. Just don't post lies that other people could think are true and end up resulting in death. Are my expectations too strict?

Just a public service announcement: The guy quoted below is completely full of shit and it's so important for him to perpetuate this self-made mythos of him being a brave hero with balls of steel that he's willing to put other people's lives at risk to keep his lie going. Something Trump would do.

This is for those who need some faith in humanity. Today a homeless guy offered to share his pizza with me. Not like some dumpster pizza either, he was sitting right outside where he had purchased it. Didn't ask me for anything. I figured he needed it more than I did, so I declined and thanked him.

Pizza should be a health food. Grilled grains, vegetables and proteins. Which one of those is unhealthy? Only humans are stupid enough to take good ingredients and intentionally use them to make bad things.

BOMB ALL EPSTEIN'S BUDDIES. (I ran out of political ideas I hadn't already seen floated around, and apparently we need to use up bombs that are set to expire or something.)

Motorhead isn't in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and that's the quickest answer I can give as an explanation if someone was to ask me why the world's so fucked up.

Here's a thought to linger on: WHY IS IT THAT ALL THE COLLECTIVE FORCE OF ALL THE SMART PEOPLE ON THE PLANET CAN'T KEEP ALL THE STUPID PEOPLE ON THE PLANET FROM RUNNING EVERYTHING AND DOING STUPID STUFF?!?!?!! Humans are the only thing dumber than humans.

Being the first person to take a shit in space must have been terrifying.