Argon Dreamcast Evangelion

This bar has a third-pound burger with cheddar and cotija cheese, pico de gallo, sautéed white onion and jalapeño, and fuckin' chorizo! I am rock fucking hard

You ever stumble across something on the internet that seems to have been made specifically for you?

Crazy that this dude invented communism. Never thought redistribution of wealth would include a sick-ass black hole attack

I'm into Eldridge horror. No, I didn't mean "eldritch" like Lovecraft or whatever. Eastern Iowa is terrifying

Marty, we have to travel back to ancient Mesopotamia. For this, the flux capacitor is going to need 1.21 ziggurats

We are precisely three months away from the first new chvrches album in six years and I just want to warn everyone that I absolutely WILL be insufferable about it. Apologies in advance, gang

Someone who was, one might say, "just following orders"? 🤔

When my bosses get back from Mexico City I'm gonna ask 'em all if it's really all sepia toned like in Breaking Bad

Me: "Why are there so many people here on a Thursday?" Bartender: "Palmer's graduation is tomorrow" Me: "I said people, not chiropractors"

The best part of working at a bar is that I can go from clocking out to having a non-zero quantity of añejo in my body in two minutes flat

Girl: "I have a praise kink" Me: "You, um, you're real good at sex. Good job at, uh...pussy"

Probably my favorite part of my hometown is this block of businesses that consists of, in this order: • Excellent local Mexican restaurant • Awesome used tire shop • One of those massage parlors where they totally crank your shit • The place I get my plate tags

The moon? You mean wanes world?

Saw someone online talking about that new MCU series, saying "Paul Bettany and James Spader are carrying this show." Like, yes...they're the main characters. That's how TV shows work. Congratulations, you have discovered the concept of narrative fiction

The Halloween movies are the most accurate horror franchise because white dudes from the Midwest just be like that sometimes

Normal people: "Long story short..." Me, rawdogging ADHD:

Did I accidentally predict Deadlock almost two decades ago? Valve, give me money. Also no I have no idea what game I was talking about at the time

I wanna play with Rabies Ronnie. I WANNA PLAY WITH RABIES RONNIE!

I'm watching Blade in a tiki bar with a guy I went to high school with. The Midwest is interesting

"Harrow. Nurse Harrow. And this is my magic murder bag"

If ghosts were real, wouldn't every hospital, retirement home, and hospice care facility on the planet be haunted as shit, just by sheer probability? 🤔

I fucked up my hand making some banger breakfast sandwiches. But I had banger breakfast sandwiches 👉😎👉

One of the truest things I've ever heard from a coworker was the time my buddy Jon said that, "Working in the service industry is just everybody passing the same twenty dollar bill back and forth until we all die"

A city's population is inversely proportional to the silliness of its high school's sports team name. If you're in the six digit range you're probably the Wildcats. But if you're from a town of like 15,000 you're some shit like the Harvest Goblins or the Gravel Slurs

"You're a lucky guy" is probably the most polite and socially acceptable way to tell your buddy you wanna fuck his wife

The job title with the highest ratio of silly name to overall importance to put on a resumé has gotta be "best boy grip"

The only detriment to being a white person is that your contacts list is: • Chris (manager) • Chris (work) • Chris • Chris (bar)

Deadlock needs to add a genre-aware character just to have voice lines like, "So you're a necromancer and your last name is Graves, and you haven't once stopped to think, like, huh, that's a weird coincidence"

Elon: *some shit only 12 year old boys think is cool that also doesn't actually work* The Racist Dude You Went to High School with on Facebook:

No, Facebook ads. I do not want generative AI foot hentai I want foot hentai drawn by a real human artist god dammit

Writer: "So for Batman's first villain, we've got a joke guy who wears purple and green" Artist: "Love it. Great contrast. What else you got? Writer: "And this one is a riddle guy who wears green and purple" Writer: "Holy shit. Oh fuck oh god you're a genius"

A new supergroup comprised of the members of Death Grips featuring the dude from Bon Iver exclusively writing songs about smoking weed Bon Grips

My coworker had his music weirdly quiet but I briefly blanked on the word "volume" and ended up asking him to turn up the "loud temperature"

The main difference between the General Lee and the Tesla Roadster, is that the Duke Boys could flip a car through sheer force of Southern shenanigans. And also with the Roadster the Confederate flag is only implied

Do you think Slim Jim and Sloppy Joe ever explored each other's bodies?

Trans rights are human rights. And I will NEVER say otherwise 🏳️‍⚧️

Elon Fanboys: "Bet you feel stupid now. Cope with his brilliant invention that will change the world" *shows you some wack shit that sucks*

Was that really one of the best cheeseburgers I've ever eaten in my life, or was it just a pretty good cheeseburger that I ordered at a bar while my BAC was rapidly approaching a literal fucking integer?

zach cregger and jordan peele are the only people allowed to make horror for awhile ok

I'm just generally a big fan of bass. The instrument, the audio frequency range, the fish, and the Mega Man character. I don't just have autism, I *AM* autism

Dryspell so long they just put a Spirit Halloween sign on my balls

Why would they name him Bugs Bunny? Nobody is named Bugs. Nonbinary barista-ass name. Daffy was pretty daffy though, ngl

There should be a Harlem Globetrotters for every sport. This seems like a vastly untapped market. I wanna see a linebacker dunk a field goal

"Yo. Life don't come with egg rolls. Ya gotta order it" -My coworker is alarmingly high

The weird thing about Deadlock is that, online, everyone and their brother has played or is at least very aware of the game. But in meatspace, somehow you're the only person who's ever even heard of it

The reason priests have done so much awful shit is because the higher ranking ones are easier to run away from. Bishops can only move diagonally. And Cardinals almost never make it to the postseason

Oh boy, a reply notification from TikTok. Someone must relate to some insightful comment I pos_

Are there any Glup Shittos in the Bible?

This on a pair of booty shorts

Regular New Yorkers just trying to have lunch during the Ritual when Lash ults Bebop through the diner: