Tom Fitzer

*Commercial Break* TRANS COMMIE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE COMING TO PLAY GIRL'S SPORTS AND STEAL OUR SPERM. "Christ, I'm just trying to watch a goddamn hockey game".

@lionsledbydonkeys.bsky.social "How the fuck is this war I've never heard of a 6 goddamn part series?" *listens to Imjin War Series* "Well then, that was a fucking ride".

@sickoscommittee.org I've just started following you recently, and I'm not even that into college football, but you people are delightfully insane.

I had never heard this song before she died, but now I've listened to it legitimately 30 times since then. Just a banger in every sense of the word. You won't mind getting this one stuck in your head. www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0z3... #dollyparton

When Cape Verde qualified for the World Cup, I had to actually look up where the fuck it actually was. And now, they're going to be playing Argentina in a knockout match at the actual World Fucking Cup. #worldcup #capeverde

Right now, Cape Verde has a better chance of advancing to the knockout round than Uruguay. That is a real sentence that I just typed. Exactly zero people outside of Saudi Arabia are going to be rooting against Cape Verde in the final group game. #worldcup #capeverde

Cape Verde?! Leading? At the World Cup? This tournament has been absolute chaos, and I love it. #worldcup #soccer #capeverde #uruguay

Why are the Turkish fans booing the Australians? Did they recognize the Armenian Genocide or something?

@jkass99.bsky.social I think Paraguay did better in the War of the Triple Alliance than they are doing in the game.

HOCKEY. WHAT THE FUCK?

Judging by the amount of commercials I see for medication to treat it, I have to assume moderate to severe plaque psoriasis is more ubiquitous to humanity than the Black Death.

I'm just choosing to believe that when all Dachshunds die, they go to Valhalla, as they are the most fearless breed of dog known to man. Now imagine weiner dogs in Viking regalia.

Evidently some kid got real interested in wolves, as I've put away seemingly every single book on the subject today. #library #whyilovethelibrary

Downfall Bovino Edition. You're welcome.

Starting at about 1:52 in this video, is about my reaction every time this administration tries to explain anything. @pattonoswalt.bsky.social, thank you for this, I say it in my head about 36 times a day. #theworldischaosbekind www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEl6...

Odds are, movie studios are sending location scouts to Venezuela right now to lay the ground work for Oscar bait movies that will be released 20 years from detailing how invading Venezuela made US soldiers sad.

Well I watched all two hours of the World Cup Draw, because apparently I like making myself suffer. Here are some initial thoughts and the results of the draw. relieveandponder.wordpress.com/about/result... #soccer #worldcup #worldcupdraw

Hundreds of millions of people are about to watch people pick ping pong balls out of bowls. But when it involves the World Cup, everything just tends to be bigger.

Since I'm obsessed with the World Cup, I figured I'd make a site about the history of it. Hopefully I'll be updating it pretty regularly, and here's the first page I finished, a primer for the draw that is taking place on Friday. relieveandponder.wordpress.com/about/the-dr... #worldcup #soccer

from chandra manning's wonderful book "what this cruel war was over"

Overheard while putting away books at the library, "Brock, can you put those always gentler?" *CRASH*

Well, uh, South Park pulled the least amount of punches of all time. #southpark

@iwriteok.bsky.social Outside of everything else, the fact that Hegseth graduated from Forest Lake High School should have been a warning sign. I grew up in that area, and I wouldn't trust anyone, myself included, in that job.

Well shitwrinkles, this cannot be the start of anything good.

Jesus, that ref took an absolute shot to the eye. There was not an insignificant amount of blood.

@lionsledbydonkeys.bsky.social Whenever you start a podcast sponsored religion, this MUST be the Holy Water. All children will be baptized in a tub of White Monster.

OT playoff hockey requires that someone commits a class C felony or above to get a penalty called. #nhlplayoffs

Currently cataloguing every single book I have, and I may be about halfway done with 288 books so far.

- "And what is the main selling point of this 'Robocop' video game?" - "Well, you get to be Robocop". - "... Here's $1,000 and the rights to my first born child. I'm sold".

I swear I did the math on this right, and I still have trouble comprehending. If, starting on 10/14/1066, when the Battle of Hastings took place, you had your net worth go up by $1 million every day, then even today, your net worth would be about $7 billion short of what Elon Musk is currently worth

Well we know who is going to win this award for 2025. That was somehow a carpet bombing mixed with a napalming. #kendricklamar

You know, it's nice playing "Sniper Elite: Resistance", as it lets one shoot Nazis in the dick in slow motion. Really calms the nerves.

Someone please explain to me how one of the medications I picked up yesterday was cheaper for me to pay for out of my own pocket than it was to use my insurance to pay for it. What in the goddamned fuck is the point of the insurance then?

Well, if I had told you last year that the Vikings would be 13-2 with Sam Darnold at the helm, you would have correctly had me committed to one of those weird 19th century insane asylums. And you would have been right to do it.

You think they had trouble finding jurors for the Martin Shkreli trial? Wait until they start the jury selection for Luigi Mangione. #luigi

@jkass99.bsky.social It's a beautiful thing seeing your universal theory of "fuck that guy" played out across the country, on both sides of the aisle.

For the Wild v Blackhawks, the armed services member of the game was SGT STEPHANIE STIFFARM. That's like, one of the best names I can think of.

You try watching "Gladiator" with a 55 lb Pittie mix and a 20 pound Beagle-Boston Terrier mix fighting in your lap. #puppy

@jkass99.bsky.social When the Ukrainians attacked Kursk, my buddy showed me a clip from German TV where a German military office was pointing at a map with arrows pointing towards Kursk. Per your series, the last time that happened, it, uh was kind of messy.

Ok, someone definitely put a glitch in the Matrix, due to the fact that the DETROIT LIONS are unequivocally the best team in the NFL. #detroitlions