TJCgoofs

Gimme that Lanterns to Friday Night Lights rewatch pipeline

I ONLY send risky texts 😎 🎸 🔥

“The human condition” sounds like a disease. And honestly, yeah.

Man old people really love outdoor municipal concerts

Note to self: bulletproof baby bjorn

I have 3 cats, and it only now occurred to me to start referring to them as a “cat trick”

Lunch dessert is self-care ♥️

I will watch the recap at the beginning of every episode, even when I’m bingeing, AND I VOTE

Gotta remember to compliment my homies’ eyes more often

Just discovered the cheesy trap emoji 🪤 and it’s about to become my whole personality 🪤 🪤 🪤

My conspiracy theory is that some content creators actually edit the low battery smoke alarm beep sound into their videos to get more engagement

How dare you post a fun instagram story. Don’t you know I’m sad?!

Don’t mind me. Just deep in the IMDB trivia section for Blue Crush (2002)

Looking for a friend with benefits. Not happy with my current dental coverage.

I’m recommending this thing to you—not because I liked it, but because it occupied my time and it should occupy yours as well

Me, to the cookies I just made: I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it

Skipped straight to my big fat Greek wedding 3, without seeing 2, because fuck it

Letting peacock autoplay an endless string of problematic 2000s romcoms and it is making me stronger

This skeet didn’t get enough play

Seriously I never thought of myself as being specifically into redheads, but a disproportionate number of ladies I’m into recently have been redheads 🤔

I fuckin love sportsmanship

Next time someone tells me to get home safe…imma get home dangerous 😎 🔥 🎸 🛹 🖕

My cats have discovered a spring in my apartment

I’m completely obsessed with Big Thief and Adrianne Lenker. I swear I connect with every song they put out

Huh. The spot on my back that burned because of the folly of self-applied sunblock is similarly beyond the reach of self-applied aloe vera #singlelife

I gotta mash some mashed potatoes with that sumbitch, he said, of the KitchenAid, to no one

Apparently I am powerless against married redheads with glasses

I liked Lala Land and I VOTE

Why didn’t any of you motherfuckers tell me it was Chevy Truck Month 😠

Girl are you THE FORCE because I wanna be with you

Whoever thought to apply the word “plaza” to strip malls is probably in the marketing hall of fame

I will never not panic when movie characters have to swim an indeterminate distance underwater to a theoretical air pocket

Oedipal arrangement. Is that anything.

Hey streaming service—how dare you show me “next time on…”?! Don’t you know I’m bingeing this sumbitch?!

Take me back to a time when Justin Long was in more movies

Sucks havin a runny nose when both hands are in use and cannot be easily freed up 😤

You might even say a lie of…Emission

Holding in a fart is a lie of omission

“I love [person’s name], but (immediate and devastating evidence to the contrary)”

Repeating letters in a word for emphasis is wiiiiiiiiiiiild

Gimme black cherry sparkling water ALL DAY

Jackie Chan movie and chicken wings and a nice Malbec = my evening

Quick, what’s on the back of a dime? Off the dome. No peeking. GO

Seems like it should be illegal to be both sleepy and anxious

I can’t find my stud finder. Anyone have a stud finder finder?

Would a respectable MC rhyme “sexual creature” with “architectural feature”? Asking for a friend

Matt Damon has played two characters named Carol. Carol Burnett In 30 Rock and Carroll Shelby in Ford vs. Ferrari. So, enjoy that information.

Boy howdy does peperoncini elevate a sandwich 🥪

Why don’t more world leaders boop each other’s noses

Describing Freakier Friday as a “freakquel” tickles my brain in all the right ways