The Beaverton

thebeaverton.comB.C. Conservatives celebrate winning election by burning down old growth forest“We wanted to signal to the forestry industry that we won’t be precious about the little things, like the continued existence of 1000-year-old trees."

16h

B.C. Conservatives celebrate election win by burning down old growth forest

thebeaverton.comStudies show monsters mashing earlier every year due to climate change“I was working in the lab, late one night, when my eyes beheld an eerie sight. For my monster from his slab began to rise, and suddenly, to my surprise, he did the mash. IN THE MIDDLE OF OCTOBER!”

21h

Studies show monsters mashing earlier every year due to climate change

thebeaverton.comToronto driver not sure where to park after city removes bike lanesTORONTO - Following the removal of much of the city’s bike lanes, local motorist Jason Welch is facing extreme uncertainty about where he should park his car now.

1d

Toronto driver not sure where to park after city removes bike lanes

The Beaverton reposted

thebeaverton.comEditorial: Toronto is falling apart, so let me finish it off - by Brad BradfordToronto is falling apart. All around us are violent criminals, people struggling with addiction who are also probably violent, and the worst of all - bike lanes.

Editorial: Toronto is falling apart, so let me finish it off - by Brad Bradford

thebeaverton.comBC nobly sacrifices good governance to teach one man about hubrisVICTORIA - The electorate of British Columbia – a province with a population of roughly 5.7 million – has officially and heroically voted against its own self-interest with the sole intention of teach...

2d

BC nobly sacrifices good governance to teach one man about hubris

thebeaverton.comCoworker putting up Christmas decorations justifiably murdered"For the mental health of the workplace, she had to be terminated.”

2d

Coworker putting up Christmas decorations justifiably murdered

thebeaverton.comDoug Ford bets 10 grand he can stop surge in gambling addictionQUEEN'S PARK - To deal with the sharp increase in gambling addiction sweeping the province, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has publicly stated he is so confident he can stop the epidemic that he will put $...

Doug Ford bets 10 grand he can stop surge in gambling addiction

The Beaverton reposted

thebeaverton.comAlberta separatists propose making referendum vote best-of-seven seriesCALGARY - Rather than accepting defeat and disappearing forever, as most Albertans had hoped, separatist leaders are calling to extend the vote “playoff style” to a best-of-seven series.

Alberta separatists propose making referendum vote best-of-seven series

The Beaverton reposted

thebeaverton.comReport: Elon Musk sabotaged Ukrainian Starlink by switching them to RogersKYIV, UKRAINE - A bombshell report by the Wall Street journal reveals that SpaceX and Starlink CEO Elon Musk personally meddled with Ukrainian missile defence systems by downgrading their internet to ...

4d

Report: Elon Musk sabotaged Ukrainian Starlink by switching them to Rogers

thebeaverton.comEditorial: Toronto is falling apart, so let me finish it off - by Brad BradfordToronto is falling apart. All around us are violent criminals, people struggling with addiction who are also probably violent, and the worst of all - bike lanes.

Editorial: Toronto is falling apart, so let me finish it off - by Brad Bradford

thebeaverton.comMajority of Albertans vote to be Canadian, racistEDMONTON – With the results of all ten questions on the Alberta referendum in, a majority of Albertans have sent a clear message to the world that they are not only Canadian, but also racist. “The res...

Majority of Albertans vote to be Canadian, racist

thebeaverton.comGames Industry Leaders remember Canadian developers just in time to crush them entirelyEDMONTON - In a stroke of luck, key movers and shakers in the video games industry recalled the existence of the incredible talent at Bioware just in time to wipe it from existence.

4d

Games Industry Leaders remember Canadian developers just in time to crush them entirely

thebeaverton.comReport: Elon Musk sabotaged Ukrainian Starlink by switching them to RogersKYIV, UKRAINE - A bombshell report by the Wall Street journal reveals that SpaceX and Starlink CEO Elon Musk personally meddled with Ukrainian missile defence systems by downgrading their internet to ...

4d

Report: Elon Musk sabotaged Ukrainian Starlink by switching them to Rogers

thebeaverton.comAlberta separatists propose making referendum vote best-of-seven seriesCALGARY - Rather than accepting defeat and disappearing forever, as most Albertans had hoped, separatist leaders are calling to extend the vote “playoff style” to a best-of-seven series.

Alberta separatists propose making referendum vote best-of-seven series

thebeaverton.comBrad Bradford vows to put a cop in your living room if elected MayorToronto, ON – In a bold campaign move, Toronto mayoral hopeful Brad Bradford has vowed to put a police officer in your living room if elected to office.

Brad Bradford vows to put a cop in your living room if elected Mayor

Let it go Albertan Separatists. Let it go. www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVMn...

The Beaverton reposted

thebeaverton.comU.S. government accuses Canada of meddling in Alberta referendumWASHINGTON, D. C. – Secretary of State Marco Rubio is reportedly accusing Prime Minister Mark Carney of election interference in the recent Alberta referendum.

U.S. government accuses Canada of meddling in Alberta referendum

open.spotify.comWho Needs Independence When You Have A Pipeline?The Beaverton Weekly Report · Episode

New podcast! -We break down the Alberta Referendum results -Is Danielle Smith done or more powerful than ever? -Chrystia Freeland tells some +More open.spotify.com/episode/3NC8...

thebeaverton.comBrad Bradford reinvigorates campaign with desperate “Landlords need more” sloganToronto, ON - Alliterative city councillor Brad Bradford ‘the rad landlord’ has relaunched his campy campaign for major mayor of Toronto with the desperate new slogan, "Landlords need more.”

Brad Bradford reinvigorates campaign with desperate “Landlords need more” slogan

thebeaverton.comU.S. government accuses Canada of meddling in Alberta referendumWASHINGTON, D. C. – Secretary of State Marco Rubio is reportedly accusing Prime Minister Mark Carney of election interference in the recent Alberta referendum.

U.S. government accuses Canada of meddling in Alberta referendum

thebeaverton.comLocal cat thinks she's better than you and is probably rightKINGSTON, ON - Following a careful side-by-side comparison between your life and that of that one cat in your neighborhood who acts like you aren’t worth the dirt on her paws, a panel of experts is st...

Local cat thinks she’s better than you and is probably right

The Beaverton reposted

thebeaverton.comNation shocked as Alberta makes good decisionEDMONTON - With 76% of Albertans voting to reject a referendum on leaving Canada, the remainder of Canadians have registered "pleasant shock" at the province's decision to, for once, not shoot itself ...

Nation shocked as Alberta makes good decision

thebeaverton.comNation shocked as Alberta makes good decisionEDMONTON - With 76% of Albertans voting to reject a referendum on leaving Canada, the remainder of Canadians have registered "pleasant shock" at the province's decision to, for once, not shoot itself ...

Nation shocked as Alberta makes good decision

thebeaverton.comAlberta Separatists confident of victory due to "Canadians' overwhelming love for USA and Trump"CALGARY - Despite Alberta separatism polling at under 30%, separatist organizers are confident they have read the electorate correctly, pointing to "the current record-high levels of Canadian support ...

Alberta Separatists confident of victory due to "Canadians' overwhelming love for USA and Trump"

Alberta Premier Danielle Smith promises no more referendums, but that might not be up to her. Luke, Ian, @clareblackwood.bsky.social and @nileseguin.bsky.social lay out the odds.

thebeaverton.comAI coworker put on 90-day Performance Improvement PlanTORONTO - HubRate Insurance confirmed that Agentic Representative Chad, its first AI agent, who was hired to revolutionize throughput and eliminate bottlenecks, has been formally placed on a 90-day Pe...

AI coworker put on 90-day Performance Improvement Plan

The Beaverton reposted

thebeaverton.comElon Musk, two racist uncles, left to do all Alberta Separatist posting after Russian bot farm goes offlineCALGARY - In the wake of Ukraine's successful drone strikes on Russia's Yandex data centres, which have allegedly caused bot activity to plummet across the web, the entirety of pro-Alberta Separation ...

Elon Musk, two racist uncles, left to do all Alberta Separatist posting after Russian bot farm goes offline

thebeaverton.comLame-ass ghost turns out to be metaphor for grief instead of a cool chain-rattling guyOver the last few weeks, Carver has seen her lights flicker, her oven randomly preheat, and her air fresheners run dry at an unusual pace, but has yet to witness anything badass.

Lame-ass ghost turns out to be metaphor for grief instead of a cool chain-rattling guy

thebeaverton.comTrump, Musk clash over who deserves more credit for betraying UkraineWASHINGTON D.C. - President Donald Trump and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk are reportedly feuding once again as each demands full accolades for giving the order to throttle Starlink usage for Ukrainian forces as they fight to repel Russian invaders.

Trump, Musk clash over who deserves more credit for betraying Ukraine

thebeaverton.comNew study shows link between cars and trafficOXFORD, UK – A new study from the International School of Roads has reportedly uncovered the root cause of traffic on roads and major highways worldwide: four-wheeled vehicles known as “cars.”

New study shows link between cars and traffic

thebeaverton.com7 most shocking revelations from Chrystia Freeland’s Unreliable BoyfriendTORONTO – With the publication of Unreliable Boyfriend, Chrystia Freeland’s account of her years in former Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s cabinet, the former Finance Minister has revealed a side to t...

7 most shocking revelations from Chrystia Freeland’s Unreliable Boyfriend

thebeaverton.comReport: video of Quebecois kid singing still delightful on 78th viewing“Like any great work of art, there are details you only pick up on after repeated viewings.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) talk about Trump’s betrayal of Ukraine,...

Report: video of Quebecois kid singing still delightful on 78th viewing (podcast)

thebeaverton.comAmbassador Hoekstra warns Canadians not to meddle in midterms but also to accept blame for costing Republicans the midtermsOTTAWA - U.S. Ambassador to Canada Pete Hoekstra says American officials are warning Canadians not to interfere in the upcoming U.S. midterm elections, while also ordering them to prepare to accept th...

Ambassador Hoekstra warns Canadians not to meddle in midterms but also to accept blame for costing Republicans the midterms

The Beaverton reposted

thebeaverton.comCarney calls on world to invest in one of Canada’s 6 companiesOTTAWA - Prime Minister Mark Carney is continuing to beat the drum on international investment, calling on business leaders and countries from around the world to invest in one of Canada’s six compani...

Carney calls on world to invest in one of Canada’s 6 companies

We're live streaming executions now? Ok. With @clareblackwood.bsky.social and @nileseguin.bsky.social

thebeaverton.comCarney calls on world to invest in one of Canada’s 6 companiesOTTAWA - Prime Minister Mark Carney is continuing to beat the drum on international investment, calling on business leaders and countries from around the world to invest in one of Canada’s six compani...

Carney calls on world to invest in one of Canada’s 6 companies