heh

call my man durian the way he got me choking and gagging on it

Broke up with my boyfriend today. According to the size of that dump, I'm destined for bigger things.

goon me papa

It's below freezing, the sun set almost 4 hours ago, and an ice cream truck is rolling through the neighborhood. I don't get it.

Grilled cheese is made by burning one side then nervously undercooking the other.

Cat vomit in the carpet is one of life's essential building blocks

fully charged

If you're ever curious about what going into shock feels like, get your nipples pierced.