T'Other Simon

Whenever I see the word 'JETS', I always expect to see an equivalent thing saying 'SHARKS', and, to be honest, that would really change the whole vibe of this hot tub experience.

Just realised that the Steptoe and Son Theme segues *beautifully* into New York, New York. They're basically the same.

Earlier, I saw someone I went to secondary school with. I pointed him out to my wife and she could *not* believe it. "What... him?! But he's an old man!" And *that* kind of handjob-for-the-ego is how you stay together for thirty years, kids.

🤷‍♂️ I've never even tried ketamine and I needed nappies WAY earlier than that.

A tortuous pun in the form of a tiny little song.

Our new single, 'When You Hear A Bird', is out now wherever you get your digital music!

Just finished watching the latest series of Ted Lasso, and now I have to live with myself, knowing that I made that awful decision.

A bunch of words plopped out of me and you can read them if you'd like to. plasticjeezus.substack.com/p/the-pj-tim...

It builds the anticipation. Specifically the anticipation of "Oh God, which song are they going to butcher next?"

Any recommendations for non-fiction books that I might enjoy on my holiday? If it helps, I really enjoyed: - The Wager - David Grann - London Falling & Empire of Pain - Patrick Radden Keefe - Educated - Tara Westover - Autobiographies by J Cooper-Clarke, Johnny Vegas, Paul Sinha & Brett Anderson

Good morning. Here's an unexpectedly brilliant version of Smashing Pumpkins' 'Thirty Three', featuring Olivia Rodrigo on guest vocals. (I liked this song on the album - in fact, I bought the CD single - but I think this might actually be better) youtu.be/OETiPBadY-s Enjoy.

Seems mad that people use the term 'the beautiful game' to refer to football when Hungry Hungry Hippos exists.

I've had an absolute dogshitbinfire of a day, and now I'm about to embark on a 4 hour round trip to do a gig I suspect might be horrible. How's your day going? That's a rhetorical question. I don't want to know.

Just remembering all that chat back in ‘93 about a collaboration between Toni Braxton & Bill Hicks. Turned out to be a false alarm

The song 'White Christmas' is written from the perspective of someone who really just wants to fuck up Chris Rea's journey home.

Once you've noticed that Professor Brian Cox and Willy Wonka are the same person, it's hard to ignore.

Three Very Short Songs. (A little bit of very British humour for a Friday morning)

The latest episode of Slow Horses feels a lot like they're ramping it up for a series finale featuring a cheeky (but charming) little blond chap trapped in a fancy house, fighting off bad guys using improvised traps? It's basically just going to be Home Alone, isn't it?

That footage of Reform councillors being horrid racists has finally managed to bring anti-Reform people and pro-Reform people together. At last, we're all saying exactly the same thing: "This is what we expect from Reform, and this is why we feel like we do about them".

I offered Joan of Arc a crisp, She gave her head a shake. "I hate that flavour" she declared. I looked - oh - flame grilled steak.

Plus he bullied that blue hedgehog *relentlessly*.

There are many things that could be improved about the USA, but the top one is surely the fact that they allow people to be named 'Randy' & nobody bats an eyelid. I used to work with a guy named 'Randy Infant'. You can't be expected to run a serious country with people called THAT wandering around.

🎶This is the ribbon of the night🎶

Finally had a shitty AI slop poster with my/not-my face on it. It looks even worse than my *actual* face. What's the bloody point of THAT?!

Just been told by someone on Facebook that I have a 'sexy mind' and - given my rapidly deteriorating physical state - I think it's the nicest compliment I'll ever get.

As we hurtle into Autumn, here's a reminder.