Treemans

Treemans

@treemans.bsky.social

Streamer, global goober, silly thing

5 followers9 following146 posts

How do i get my hands to move? To create, to begin... They just won't. They refuse. And any mistakes, my mind screams at unendingly. Nothing moves right. Nothing reacts correctly.

It seems everyone i really want to connect to either runs away or really wants to use me. I know its not necesarrily bad to be used; to be part of someone's goal is somehow noble, in a way. But damn, can they maybe stick around for a bit after?

Carve my stomach open Allow me to burst from my chest Change is desired but never welcomed My heart is carved with fear What it wants is never near A release like never before Please please remove this floor My rest is not complete I am always beat

I'm beginning to understand why ancient doctors thought bloodletting was a good idea. Sure does feel like pressure building in my head right now.

Allow me to scream for one moment W̵̢̢̠͈̙͎̼̲̯̱̐͒̅̔́͊̀͆̄͑̽͊͘͜͝ẖ̸̨̘͔̺̯̳̝̥͙̻̺̙̖̜̓̽̆̃̂͊y̷̧̫͙̜̯̦̝̥̗͇̫͙͂́̾́̈́̇̕͠ͅ ̴͎̩̗̱̤̗̹̦́a̵͉̙͓̬̭̗̜͚̽͛̇͌̊̓̔̔̿̌̃́͛̚̚m̶̨̡̨͇̲̝̤̱̬͖̝̥̪͘͜͜ ̷͓̇͑̍̊̓̏̓͠ỉ̶̼͙̦̼̻̗͗̃͛̓͌̌͂̎͌̎́͛̚͝ ̴̡̢̥̥̻͔̙̰̟̼̥̅́̇̏͆̋͑̄̎͘͜ͅś̶̢̧͕̺̑͒u̸͈̖͑̍͋̿͆͆̾̿̀͝͝͝c̵̡̣̣͍̦̞͇̤̞̼̹̗̦̫̅͒͗̈̐̐̉͝ḥ̷̨͇͔̥͓̼͎̠̝͕̽̽͛ ̶̖̈̾͛̉̉̿͠a̶̬̭̲̣͈̬̩͒̐͠ ̴̛̘͓̈́͗̇̾̄̑̓̀͠ļ̵̡̻̻̘͓̥͔̪̹̽ọ̶͕̭̻̳̦̊̃̐̈́͝ś̶̡̨̺̫͕̪̮͔̱͓̓͒e̷̺͔͚͉͈̻̽͘r̶̨̯̼̩̘̙̙̥̗̭̠͖͇̂̔̿̈́̋̈́̐́̏̄̈́͛̽̚͜ ̴̗͉́͊̋̈́̂̿̓͌ģ̷̻͙͉̖͈̏̋̋̎ó̷̝̙͍͂d̴̡̥̩̹̝̪̤͓͂͒̎̇̂̂́̊̓͝ḑ̴̥͓̼̻̮̩͎̻̜̤͇̫͌͐͒̔́̓̄͜â̷̖͚̞͓̪̊̒̎̒̈̽m̴̝̬͚̮̌̆͊͑́n̶̥̲̜͔̭̤̱͙͈̂̌̏̐͂̇͋͐̈́̈́̚͜͝ͅi̵͈̥͉͕̩͎͗t̷̨͈͚̮͂̒͗̕ Thank you

Sometimes, I'm sorry that I exist. I'm sorry that i can be scary. I'm sorry that i always mess up. I'm sorry that I'm around. I'm sorry that I don't understand correctly. Nobody has to forgive me. I really want to be the best for every individual, all at the same time. I'm so tired. I'm a mistake.

Something most philosophers won't say, because if they truly knew it they wouldn't likely bother: Nothing actually matters, no matter what you believe. God, no god. Eternity or nothingness. It's only wishful thinking that what is true would mean something of value compared to all other options.

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Language isn't truth. Property isn't a thing. Normalcy exists because someone somewhere, at some time, decided it should. All these lessons and stories tell the same thing when it comes down to it, or at least generally try to. Stop fighting eachother. Stop inventing differences. Be kind.

Something most philosophers won't say, because if they truly knew it they wouldn't likely bother: Nothing actually matters, no matter what you believe. God, no god. Eternity or nothingness. It's only wishful thinking that what is true would mean something of value compared to all other options.

Borders aren't real. People are out there, killing eachother, refusing eachother, over something someone just kind of made up one day. We act like we deserve something for our efforts when none of us do. We allow others to starve because... What, they didn't make the food we eat? They didn't "earn"?

Listening to the world around me I can hear myself scream And so many others Though if I stop and breath The screaming quiets down And i realise all these borders and fences Are just scared little children With sad little faces

The bile rises up in my throat, screaming at me to exist and do something. My legs and body refuse to move, a silent thing prepared to let me soak in a horrid mess until the threat is real. My mind screams in fear and anger, confused and deranged. None of it knows who it is.

I once spoke with a therapist about my anger and fear towards people who threaten violence online. They told me it was likely that these were just words, nothing would come of it. Now people are killing others on the streets over words. Worthless, nearly meaningless words. Who are we talking to?

Anyone interested in hiding from the past under the shade of a tree? (Not me. Im stealing a different tree's shade. Which is to say i am also under the tree. That is hiding me. Im a shade thief.)

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