Trey Lane

Steve Martin has never played Greg Abbott?? Then what even is the point of snl!

New music alert 🚨 BLOOMSAYER is on streaming, available at the link www.flow.page/treylane

Someone should open a car wash that sells wings, bc then they would for sure never see me

Parable of the shower

Ok www.instagram.com/p/DelMPokuXG...

Criterion Flash Sale means this tab open all day AGAIN www.criterion.com/boxsets/3626...

The voting age should be whatever age the youngest person tried as an adult in that state was

They should simply make more good shit, and less shit that sucks

Marilyn Manson's McRib sandwich

Recipe website that suggests adding creamed corn to every recipe

Anyone who refuses to debate is not serious enough to lead.

Every movie, song, and book that you love was made without the technology that people who don’t make art are now insisting is necessary for making art.

Nobody doin it quite like my mom

After hearing so much about trending bogeyman Hassan Piker for so long I just saw him in action for the first time in his Ziwe interview. The intellectual dishonesty in Republican outrage is genetically modified for people who cannot operate their own brains. Be so for real rn

Saying "without much further ado..." is in fact further ado

If a Democrat were president, the TV news would only talk about the 2nd Great Depression we are in, with half the coverage given up to Republican elected officials sputtering with outrage

You used to could get your picture taken in Spider-Man's lap at the mall, we used to be a proper country

If Ella Langley has anyone with half a brain around her, she's putting the finishing touches on her recording of ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU post haste for a Nov 24 drop

A sitting president doesn’t go to a safe state a month before an election. Alabama is in play, folks.

"Stir applesauce into mashed potatoes and add curry powder"

We ain't soft launching shit, you better post my PIN number after 2nd date

Never fails that the people who insist on holding mandatory zoom meeting presentations are the least adept at getting to the fucking point

If you're not committing the sin of hubris, sit down

When I was in first grade we each had to write a story so I wrote a western and I mentioned a burro, and i got points taken off because my teacher did not know that word, and that was the first microcosm of my entire experience on earth

*jerking off and throwing it motion*

Merriam-Webster says I'm a Xennial? I did not ask for this

Wake up babe, new reason to hate Ed Sheeran just dropped

I'm a furious anarcho-syndicalist multimedia artist listening to Alice Coltrane bootlegs surrounded by rescue cats on my couch in Alabama, i really need to clean my kitchen, and i vote.

I wanna know which Etsy witch Ella Langley hired

Someone is leaving money on the table by not making conecuh sausage corn dogs where the breading is cornbread

YouTube loves to autoplay HTRK psychic lilac after anything, which is what's wrong with me youtu.be/9HvJI3Vn9Ns?...

Good news everyone, I've reached the age where I refuse to be normal to people at the grocery checkout

When did Instagram just become a full time game of marking every post NOT INTERESTED, DON'T SUGGEST POSTS FROM THIS ACCT?

Just got an email that included "manga, jazz" in the subject line, and it forced me to conceive of the most cursed musical genre: MAGA JAZZ

Post something random or you'll have an awful September

They've never lived with a functioning doorbell, but every time a doorbell goes off in a movie or a commercial or whatever all of my cats totally know what it is and look toward the front door ???

I'm not saying i am better than anyone* *except people who share ai generated bs

Freddie Gibbs should host the next episode of The Muppet Show

I wish the early-2000s me who thought he was a hermit could see me now. Ain't nobody doing it like me* *isolation to the point of likely mental illness

Kitten just walked by with plastic vampire teeth in his mouth, which is great because I don't have any of those. It's like a good groundhog's day for people who are sick of this heat.

My prediction is that Scooby Doo won't speak until the final episode of the first season of the new Netflix series

I'm already woke 3

Need a madcap Ken Russell biopic about Tay Zonday

"Avoid the brown acid' is a wild thing to say to a bunch of people who may be on brown acid

Can't believe it's taken me this long to add "tiki week" to the blocked phrases list

Happy Montauk Project time tunnel day to all those who celebrate

Omg it’s sooo difficult being single and doing whatever tf I want.

Peepaw did you see Body Count play "cop killer"?