Shah of Crenshaw

Me: I don't claim Atlanta, I just live here. Also me:

Washed AND cooked

Craved steak & pasta, made steak & pasta. And didn't even have to pay 20% gratuity. Suck it #Atlanta

Nooooooo

Merry NBA Season #lakers

DNA test says: I am NOT the Father!

"All passed the bar"⚖️ 🎓🎓🎓🎓

🫡

💪🏻🌊💙

Raiders/Patriots, aka the "It Was A Fumble" Bowl 😆

😪

“You didn’t tell me these were the same Persians who beat the Romans!”

Happy Sunday to everybody but people that stand next to the crab tray at the buffet waiting for the fresh batch to be dropped.

At the age of 55 I have excellent motor skills, other than consistently biting my tongue by accident when eating.

"Describe late 2020s America in 1 picture"

Please DO NOT mention Halloween around me anytime soon!!

Imagine you hating me and I'm just sitting at home plotting your 💀

Thanks for doubting me

I am so sorry that I gave you the impression that your opinion was necessary. It really isn't, I'll do a better job of communicating that to you.

Good morning and happy Wednesday. Hope today is a better day for you then yesterday.

Inject this into my veins

One day you're in your 20s and park five miles from the Rave so you don't have to pay, then suddenly you're in your 50s and have to check the restaurant's website to make sure to have valet parking before you commit to going.

One day it'll all make sense. Until then, there's tequila.

I only wear suits 2-3 times a year. Last time I wore this one in December I could barely button it. Now I gotta have it taken in 😁 #weightloss #diet

I do not want to download your app. I just want lunch. I do not want to create an account. I just want lunch. I do not want to setup 2FA. I just want lunch. I do not want to 'earn points'. I just want lunch. I do not want to add to my order. I just want lunch. I JUST WANT LUNCH!

Good morning to everyone but the people that remind you that you should have done things differently yesterday instead of helping you solve the problem today.

Good morning and Happy Monday. Don't be rude, say it back!

Did anything good happen today? ANYTHING?

Good morning and happy Monday to everyone but the people that say they researched something themselves when they really just watched a couple of Reels about the subject while waiting for the microwave to warm up their leftovers. May your meal be half frozen.

Fuuuuuuuc them racist Azz Argentinians!!! (Messi is still the GOAT though)

Popped up at Chick-fil-A drive thru feening the spicy chick biscuit, looked at my gut & ordered the egg white grill 😭

Good morning to everyone but the people that compare In-N-Out $5 Burgers to Five Guys $12 Burgers just to be contrarians.

Good morning to everyone but the people that think Queso belongs on Mexican food.

Today is the day we all get reminded of the great country we live in, by watching Joey Chestnut win another hot dog eating contest.

Good morning to everyone but the people that don't say good morning back.

Good morning to everybody but skinny people that complain about being fat. Let me have my struggle.

Good morning to everyone but people in the left turn lane that stop on a yellow light while I'm behind them.

We don't get to choose our family. We also don't have to keep them all.

Good morning to everybody other than anybody that has ever beaten me at dominoes even once.

Note, they didn't mention blue cheese. You savages.

At this point I'm just gonna start calling it intermittent war & peacing.

Good morning to everyone but the people that think blue cheese is better than ranch.

Good morning to everyone but the people that miss my calls while simultaneously sending me Reels.

Musk functionally ran the US government for 6 months last year and managed to: increase spending, slash services, kill 100,000s, and help nurture both Ebola & Screwworms. Yet somehow no one mentions this when they talk about the company he is going to take public this week.

Fffffffuuuck everybody that wronged me in life after I showed them love