BOOOVurrence and 666 others

600! dance party in the Home Depot parking lot, fuckaas’s!

this email could’ve been a fax

[30+ notifications] yay! i bet my latest banger post is getting some great engagement! [it’s all just people liking a reply where i said “lol”] well, shit it’s something i guess

things i learned today: someone is lactating someone owes me four cans of pringles someone either doesn’t know storm’s name or is trolling me saying that democrats go to brunch is horribly misogynistic what did you learn today? 💫

anyone have a source for pickle spears that are crunchy and PEELED? i think that might finally fix me

i like pringles better than actual potato chips and i’m concerned about what that might mean about my character

why the fuck is my left hand orange? it washes off, so it’s something i touched what the fuck did i touch that was so orange? 🤨

[doing vocal warmup exercises in line at the DMV] “BA! BA! BA! ooooooooOOOOOOO PRINGLES! HA! HA! HA! OOOOOOOoooooooo pringles. THE HISTORIC OCCASION. WHEN I STUBBED MY TOE. ON A BALLOON. FILLED WITH SAUSAGES.”

upon further reflection i have to admit that Griffith did at least a couple things wrong

life is like a box 📦

so i says to them “you and what army, fuckos?” but it turns out they actually had an army so i was all like “shiiiiit” and that’s how we lost the vietnam war any questions?

why have i always had dreams about my teeth falling out? they aren’t exactly nightmares, but they’re not pleasant my teeth are in reasonably good shape and always have been so i don’t get it make more sense, you stupid brain! 🧠

[sits on a very uncomfortable stone couch to save my shitposting progress]

[goes over to my magic mirror and says the magic rhyming words] blampity bloopity snick snock spinner what the fuckity shall i make for dinner?

i only support local artisanal small-batch AI, powered by steam engines that exclusively burn ayn rand novels for fuel

making a powerpoint presentation to educate everyone about how stupid they are

hrnng 🦒 Animal #1171 🐜 I figured it out in 12 guesses! 🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧🟨🟨🟨🟩 🔥 1 | Avg. Guesses: 10 metazooa.com #metazooa

i want to start a wig store, called “Parr Wigs” just so i can hire weird al yankovic to make our commercial, a music video parodying black sabbath’s “War Pigs” i think it’s such a good idea that he might do it for cheap

one of these days they should really invent a phone butthole that doesn’t get all constipated with lint and stuff

The Fellowship of the Ernest Scared Stupid

i wonder if i can make enough money to live by doing midwestern ragebait cooking videos [puts a gallon of mayonnaise into a crock pot] [four bricks of cheese] [a whole jar of cinnamon] [a bag of sugar] [garnishes with Vienna sausages] perfect desert for any occasion! my twelve kids love it!

Bitey Bitey Moss Stones 🧛‍♀️ 🧛‍♀️ 🌱 🪨 🪨

share if you agree

So, you like Suikoden?

i got my first paycheck! … for only the last 3 days of the 8 i worked uhhh, guess i’ll be calling some people monday 😑