Colonel Ripper

Why is it that when I order a hamburger, I'm immediately asked if I want cheese? Has the word cheeseburger been erased from the English language?

I came downstairs this morning and found the liquor cabinet door ajar. It's a miracle!

Never been a fan of Rand Paul, but reading about how he destroyed Jim Bob in the confirmation hearing warms the cockles of my heart.

What the fuck kind of hillbilly name is Markwayne? Even my spellchecker hates it. Fuck sake, we've got Jim Bob running DHS.

Convicted felon, adjudicated sex offender, documented serial liar and aldulter...if the Lord truly selected him to do the Lord's work, the Lord has a seriously wicked sense of humor.

Gender reassignment surgery isn't mutilation as the orange freak suggests. On the other hand, all the fake tits and lips on all the Trump women, well...

Opposition to MAGA isn't communism: it's common sense.

The MAGA brand: offering ineffective, oversimplified solutions to complex problems for stupid people.

Looks like Elon is playing with firecrackers again.

Kid Rock hiring undocumented workers... Can we please deport him to El Salvador?

So, the Pope's brother is a devout Catholic and full-blown maggot. As I have long felt, the only problem I have with Christianity are all the fucking Christians.

RFK Jr. says that dentists are undermining our precious bodily fluids.

When will Lindsey Graham find the time to get off of his knees and, you know...do his job?

I understand that Elon Musk recently compared himself to Buddha. I disagree. I've always felt that he bears more of a resemblance to the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Some would describe the death of unvaccinated children born to anti-vaccers a tragedy. I call it natural selection.

Went out last night for a few beers, went to the washroom, and found a surprise. A Uline brand urinal screen. I haven't enjoyed taking a piss so much in my whole life.