Trixie Has Ideas

Music on, I’m tidying and doing inventory, ‘cause I knew the answer all along. Will be doing this as simply as possible, and as fiscally responsible as can be done. On my own, without any expectation. I’ve got this. I know, because I always have. Let me go, FL… it’s time for me to go home.

I just did the math. I’m going to have to sell most of my furniture to be able to afford to move back home after my oncology rotation. This is the Universe telling me I’m too attached to Earthly things, right? Right?!? FMS.

School complete, clock ticking down on the “apprenticeship” hours… I’m looking forward to starting my coursework next month…

(I will resurface with content. I need some rest for now.)

I keep thinking I should go out, and say goodbye to this place. But it isn’t goodbye. It’s “see you later”. I’ll be back, for things that are fun. Pieces of me have healed that could not have if I hadn’t come back. Grief isn’t linear. We heal in stages. I have so many more to go.

The silver lining is Miami kept $250k out of Lame Kiffin’s pocket. I wrote what I wrote. Hoosiers for it all (and I write that as a Bama for Life gal).

2 more days of work (off on 1/1 which is great, ‘cause Rose Bowl), a doctor’s appointment and then a week to prepare for the last of the interview/testing gauntlet for a CMA apprenticeship program. 🙏🏻🕯️📖 For me, for my kids, for my grandchild I pray, call, and manifest this career change opportunity.

I should not have believed what was in either offer. The fast docs job? Utter sh*tshow looking for a scapegoat to take the heat (I narrowly escaped). The other, wasting time w/paperwork? Still has the position adverted. Here’s me, sitting quietly, collecting a check and waiting to start MA school.

Cut toxic ties. Shortened my lease after finding out cool landlord had been “inspecting” my apartment in my absence (I got #Roku cameras, sucker) without giving any notice. Last time I left, I set a motion detector. It tripped, and he backed into my Yule tree, knocking it over and damaging it.

Oof. Vacay fail and a petty post to boot. Glad to be back minding my own and keeping to myself. Access revoked. That’s it, and it’s the whole post. Also and anyway: I see what you’re offering. You’re gonna have to sweeten that up a bit for me to get into it, mmmmkay? Mmmmkay.

We got in?!! Roll Tide!!

Whew… Dapper Day was a hot mess of cliques, gatekeeping, and unrelenting judgement… I’m done. I wanna get slick to go to a theme park? I’ll dress how I like whenever I feel like. (fin)

Laundry going, pods queued up and streaming… PT this morning, then hardcore KP because my little apartment community is having an Open Table Feast supper with each other. I love when my home is also in service with my heart.

Love this pod.

16 days until girls’ weekend… #D3 making all these spirits bright…

You avoided her while she was healing generational abuse, solving money problems, fighting off loneliness, dealt with her mental health, bore physical pain, struggled for stability, all while holding those secrets inside? If she still showed up for you-YOU FAILED HER, SHE WAS PRESENT FOR YOU.

I wanted to be at Joshua Radin tonight in Denver. Layoffs. Budgets. Responsibilities. Vowing not to miss it next time around. Live music is life affirming.

I don’t know what I was thinking… …I just know that I’m going to have to make some deeper cuts to survive these next 4 months financially.

…dreaming about sunshine and humidity… It’s 33 days until #girlsweekend!!

Their last $14 of SNAP: dozen eggs, 2 bags rice, 2 bag dried red beans, a half gallon milk, dozen ramen bricks and 4 cups of yogurt. No treats. No sob story. Just stretching it as far into November as they can. I sent a can of baby formula w/a case of water, and my best friend matched it.

That’s my guy, too!

I’m sitting in the parking lot of the grocery store with the last $13 I have to my name wondering if I should buy food, or put it in the gas tank.

Give, but don’t complain. Offer ideas, but don’t criticize. Who TF did you think I was for all these years? …the last mediation.

Chewey dog and I have been settling in at our place. Today, I forgot to put the piddle pads down for the time I was going to be gone. He’s so much happier here with me in CO.

Utter sh*tshow of a day. Local library had “A Good Year” dvd to loan… I am attempting to course-correct for tomorrow’s continued messy living experiment.

Recovery, for me right now, means a baking tray full of warm cinnamon toast that imma eat by myself while watching “The Craft”, “Practical Magic”, and “The Witches of Eastwick”. And there’s egg nog chai, too. Don’t judge me.

1000% me.

*and

Hey! Another good thing happened today: class action settlement came and I got $350!! Deposit and then internet shopping for apartment comforts. Immediately bought a daybed/couch and coffee table for the living room. Delivery tomorrow! Starting over, again? Yeah, I can do that. #tenaciousTrixie

I spent the day at the hospital with PCOS symptoms. I know because I’ve been dx’d with PCOS since my early 20s. The pain is indescribable. Not once did the urgent care provider, ER docs, or MA’s ask me about the ovary that didn’t get raptured. The female providers doing the scans asked, though.

Can’t have a bigger shark in that water… @mcuban.bsky.social

🏳️

Insomnia. Guess it’s ok, since I’m not going to work in a few hours. I think I’ll drive ***Eats later, get a little scratch that way. There’s also a sh*ftsm*rt I can do, too. Hopefully, I can sleep soon.

It feels like it all fell apart today: additional req’d vax for job after titer test results; 3rd party edu verifier failed to find my HS transcript so I had to get my own (35 years ago, ffs!); internal server error on offer letter; result? I cannot start work Monday. I’ve put myself in a corner.

$29 airfare (because of saved up miles) to go get my dog and some “comfort items” from where they’ve been safely staying in Alabama. My new service aide helped me with bus fare to the airport. I have a lifelong disability. For too long, I was denied aid for “reasons”. That chapter has ended.

Ahem…. I AM *IN* MY NEW APARTMENT!!

23 hours to put together $1675 for an apartment of my very own, so I can move in tomorrow (no more “camping”!)

563 sq ft. Ground floor. 1br, 1ba. Dedicated parking spot. 20 min from the new job. Walking distance to the post office. Rent I can afford. I really want this apartment.

Back to my mountain today. More camping, while I attempt to secure a stable domicile. Not cryptic, this is actually the plan. Plus have to do some things for the job offer to mature into a paying job. (Substance testing, vax boosters, etc since job is in health care setting.)

Even from nosebleed section… The Indigo Girls and The Melissa Etheridge singing “Closer To Fine” with 7k people? Perfection!

Concert tonight, that I treated myself to when the kids left for Idaho. Yeah, I’ll be up in the upper deck of the venue, but live music? in an amphitheater? one of my favorite bands + a solo artist I’ve loved since the 90s? @melissaetheridge.bsky.social @indigogirlsmusic.bsky.social bliss.

I received a verbal job offer yesterday; “docs to sign” promised by email. 4 hours passed, then “hey, can I get your email?” And now at 12 hours gone & no docs, I’m beginning to wonder. I am sitting on another offer where all docs came quickly. Different state. Same $. Same start date. 🤷🏼‍♀️ wtd.

I think I’ve actually begun to enjoy hosting the trainwreck known as “you f*cked around, now you get to find out” starting my toxic, narcissistic ex. Y’all. The receipts I have on this man…will be a most excellent essay book in the future, even if I have to self-pub.

Moreover, he didn’t sanction Brian Kilmeade, and he should have (inasmuch as he had the authority, in theory).

Denied for an apartment today after an appeal. I put up 5 months rent as a security deposit. I’m about to become one of those people who rents office space to have a safe place to sleep while doing all my hygiene at Planet Fitness, it’s that disheartening out here.

Did none of you see the playbook exposure in the Cheney biopic? Cause we sure didn’t see it in real-time. That’s exactly how you boil a frog: by slowly turning the temp up. The world on fire every damn day and all the time gets you burn out, not commitment to affecting change. Pay attention!

I’m here for the vibe, just sayin’