Max Bob

This is the reflex response whenever a guy is asked if he can beat something up or do parkour.

I think breadboxes are outdated so we should change up our size based gift guessing touchstone. Is it bigger than an air fryer?

That’s nothing. I did this once with a container of dental floss.

I ate corn on the cob tonight so I am now the dread pirate Butterbeard.

Sometimes I’m very smart. Sometimes I spend a full thirty seconds looking for a leak I can hear in the bathroom shower after I hung my swim trunks up in it.

Damn, Dolly was so good even Trump didn’t manage to be a piece of shit about her passing.

I swear my eyebrows used to keep themselves perfectly ruly and in line until I let a barber trim them one time and since then it’s facial briar patch and wild hairs all over. You may say “if your eyebrows were so perfect, why did the barber want to sort them out?” To which I reply: shut up.

Optimist: the glass is half empty Pessimist: the glass is half full Lazarus Long: the water evaporated a thousand years ago. I’m going to have sex with my mom about it.

Siskos

At my audition callback for a murder mystery troupe a fellow auditioner looked me dead in the eye and said “you’re an old man. You’ve seen a lot of stuff, right?” So I turned to dust and blew away.

Oi! We saw you from across the bar and your vibe is TERRIBLE.

If I get cast in the murder mystery troupe I auditioned for it will 100% be because, when the improv prompt cast me as a 1920s gangster, I named my henchman “Scar Joe.”

So here’s my conspiracy theory: there’s a massive shortage of cinnamon going on that they’re not telling us about. It’s hitting ice cream manufacturers first so there is no churro ice cream to be had.

@gailsimone.bsky.social did you have something to do with this???? www.humblebundle.com/books/godzil...

Random musings from the day: It’s kind of weird that most vertebrates on earth mainly move things in their environment with their faces. It’s really annoying when what is stuck between my teeth is a toothbrush bristle.

I think the most important thing about Pokopia is the realization that, absent humans, the so called monsters live in total harmony.