Seattle Scientist

Pizza sizes shouldn’t be small, medium, and large. They should be poor, stressed, and WHY WONT SOMEBODY LOVE ME

I have to stop opening Bluesky in public. It immediately shows two naked men having sex (not complaining)

Please enjoy my cartoon for Tuesday's Toronto Star

Shhh. He’s snoring

I’m just a man. Standing in his kitchen. Washing his banana and limes

@mark-carney.bsky.social need a multiracial gay couple of which one has a background in nuclear science to emigrate there??

Hey celebrities: none of you need to be on ozempic. Some of you shouldn’t be on ozempic. Now you look weird which I assume you weren’t going for

My husband said the dog is fat cuz I’m a pushover on giving him treats. And?

Fuxk I’m going to bed

Turns out I can’t even hear his name so i changed the channel

I’m MAFA. Make America fuxk again

Capitalism: sell $0.50 roll of pennies for $10

Why do they skip E when grading in school?

Is Jeff’s dick curved like the Amazon logo?

Why do baseball players spit so much

Happy Easter!

Ah spring. The season of constant sinus headaches

www.ibtimes.co.uk/white-house-...

Got so tipsy with my neighbors I almost suggested buying Mexican property with them

Given how much I struggled carrying a 40 lb bag of cat litter to the car I’ll be safe from being conscripted

Gosh it seems unfortunate that I’ve created an algorithm that only shows me hot Asian men having sex and also all the terrible news what maga Is doing

I respect people going on glps but do food network talent managers dicudd how shocking it can be for fans?

Oh look. No republicans attended Jesse Jackson’s funeral. Wonder why?

It's hard to keep up with this administration.

Chickens in Hawaii give zero fucks

This Toto Washlet bidet in our vacation rental, even on full blast, is like having the most gentle lover give you a rim job. It’s quite nice.

I made some sliced banana chips and roasted in the oven. They were too thick so they just kind of carmelized and got chewy. Not bad but I made so many I tried a peanut butter and banana sandwich and it was good but get this. I also tried one with mayo and banana and it also worked.

I have tennis elbow despite not having played tennis in 25 years

If you put the red pill up your butt you get like 90% more Matrix

Listening to Punkrocker (featuring Iggy Pop) by the Teddybears while taking my morning ibuprofen

Only took 4 months to get our Lady Gaga swag from the very expensive seats we bout and we didn’t even get a cd. We got a fanny pack and a deck of cards. Wtf. This bish

Haha you thought dry January would last this month?! Hahahah

Who wore it better? Thulsa Doom from Conan the Barbarian or Briar Blush from Drag Race?

Rupaul really promotes queer and drag culture through his *checks notes* candy crush clone mobile game?

It’s super great that even if Ds took back a majority everywhere they’d squander it and improve it just enough to make people vote against them again rather than radically fix any problems

I tried to nonchalantly cut the lime for gin and tonics and it shot into the floor

Dry January is pretty much dead

Oops 😼

Imagine being scared of an 80 yo dementia patient. The GOP are scared little bitches of an insane elderly man

When my pets are so relaxed and sleepy and almost look dead I know they’re happy and safe

I feel like the seattle Seahawks fans in this bar are not properly pacing themselves for a 3 hour game

Costco was a madhouse today (more than usual) I wonder if people are stocking up fearing WWIII

It’s a reverse funnel system #ItsAlwaysSunny

lol. Several of the links to the scientific integrity policy of the federal government have been taken down during this noaa training on scientific integrity. Classic

Hey guys. It’s 2026. Let’s make it all about the butt

Everyone talks about Heated Rivalry and the gay sex but ep 3 was so beautiful and what I hope people would take from the show

I may be tipsy on a Sunday afternoon but this is the cutest dog

My husband lights up the dog at night like he’s going to a rave