Wrongshoreman

Shane Gillis stepped down from SNL because he insulted Kelly Clarkson by insinuating she could never pay off his $100k AmEx bill? Am I getting that right?

[Zuzu ringing bell three times] “Another seraphim created! My heavenly host will bring terror and justice upon all those who oppose — Mr. Potter shall be visited with eternal torment!”

We used to make porn parodies of popular films, not AI slop versions. What have we lost as a country?

Oh I thought it was about the console, something like that Tetris movie

My energy towards this administration

Pablo Torre, Pablo Torre, welcome Christmas, bring your light!

Democrats and their allies need to say every place there’s a redaction in the Epstein files it is hiding a mention of Trump with a young girl. Hold up the blackened pages and say it over and over again.

Young Republicans, old Republicans, doesn’t matter where in this country — those messages are how all Republicans talk and are representative of what they all believe.

Rapture happened 30 minutes ago. If you were expecting to be on the list and you’re still here, sorry, I don’t know what to tell you.

The President just declared war on a U.S. city. The troops need to uphold their oath to the Constitution and disobey his unlawful orders.

Lick he boom boom down

All X has is Natzees, short eyes and clankers. No thank you, I’ll pass.

Trump and Ghislaine have a chat at Camp Bryan tonight

Columbia was founded in 1754. Now it’s effectively dead. All because they didn’t understand the dynamics of bullying. Now they’re just an ATM for a doddering tinhorn.

Sources close to Jake Tapper say he “deeply regrets” writing a book about Biden, calling it a “huge mistake” in light of the horrors of the Trump Administration and he “can’t believe he still has a job” after the fiasco with Terry Moran. I just made this all up but Tapper should feel this way.

The only man who truly understands AI

As I always suspected, the tree of liberty guys actually are fine with the tree being cut down and the stump ground to sawdust.

I’m begging Justin Trudeau to at least once refer to Trump as the Board Chairman of the Kennedy Center.

They should do a movie called Benjamin Button Man where an assassin looks like a toddler when he’s at his deadliest.

England and France if you’re listening: Blessent mon coeur d'une langueur monotone

We defy augury!

It’s time, Postman, it’s time.

Ed “ill-eagle” Martin has a serious case of poo brain

Bad enough we’re ruled by a dimwit stuck in an information-free K-zone but now we have to deal with the whims of his Twilight Zone “It’s a Good Life” progeny? Wish it away to the cornfield, Li’l X! Wish it away!

Canada moved on Trump like a bitch. When you have lumber, he lets you do it.

For giggles somebody should file a lawsuit in one of the single judge Texas federal districts seeking an emergency declaration that Trump does not have EO power to overturn the Tik Tok ban law. Then compare and contrast the judge’s current legal analysis to that of the previous four years.

Paul Winfield on City Confidential could make any town a den of vice and … murder.

Peter Thiel on Piers Morgan giving off real Nathan Thurm energy.

Has anyone considered that Nancy Mace is like Johnny in The Dead Zone and when she shook the person’s hand it revealed a future where trans people existing wasn’t a political issue? Maybe the realization she’ll eventually have to quit demonizing them is what hurt her arm.