kevin

there should have been an episode of gossip girl where serena van der woodson jumps in a big black trash bag and is accidentally brought to the dump and crushed by the other garbage. that would have been pretty interesting

do we uh….do we rank utah 2?

i still think carr is better but let underwood take it from here man

homeowner shit. guy ate from my lawn!

1 miami 2 ohio state 3 byu 4 uga 5 ND 6 ole miss 7 tennessee 8 texas tech 9 indiana 10 ucla 11 utah 12 alabama 13 kentucky 14 texas 15 houston 16 iowa 17 usc 18 lsu 19 missouri 20 wake forest 21 smu 22 boise state 23 northwestern 24 florida 25 mississippi state

notre dame didn’t recruit me either. shut the fuck up

the winds of change are SWIRLING as a guy comes back to philly that was already there

holy shit i knew they were good at baseball and rich, but also SMART?! how did they know this?!?

my wife is turd

human woman actually

high pointing a tshirt over a woman during the tshirt toss and telling her to get in the gym and then handing her the tshirt bc it’s my wife and i don’t want it

at a hawks game watching patrick kane’s homecoming and more offended by the other team’s rapist. hell of a feeling.

some mom and daughter walking past my house in october “oh, THERE’S beetlejuice” this is what home ownership is all about. stop eating avocado toast and buy a home. also make it beetlejuice centric

one of the most bears game-ass bears games of all time

“what was the kyle orton era like?” basically this

finally an interesting week so i’ll try to guess the top 25 1. texas 2. uga 3. ND 4. miami 5. osu 6. bama 7. indiana 8. florida 9. byu 10. mississippi 11. lsu 12. texas tech 13. utah 14. iowa 15. oregon 16. mississippi state 17. usc 18. kentucky 19. oklahoma state 20. ucla 21. nebraska

22. smu 23. missouri 24. houston 25. penn state idk man shits tough!

oops forgot to keep tennessee . pretty good otherwise tho

austin simmons jeri curl is peak SEC let’s go

the moment has arrived. the quadrennial starting QB ranked by hotness! 2026 edition. more work went into this than ever before, multiple opinions were sought that contradicted my own. the NFL is in a solid place in terms of both QB talent, and QB talent….but also there are 2 sex offenders

1. Joe Burrow 2. Jalen Hurts I don’t know what to say. It is a crime that Jalen Hurts has finished 2 in consecutive lists but….i think the hairline went back a tick. This is the pain of the quadrennial split and my dumbass ranking Zach Wilson first because I knew he’d never get another starting job

It was a pity rank and if i could take it back and give it to Hurts I would! Joe Burrow is the coolest fucking dude in the league and he looks like if Harry Styles smoked Marlboros and was down with Marxism.

Bryce is maybe objectively better than Caleb but do you know how amazing it is to have a hot QB on my favorite team? The mustache makes him look like an 80s TV cop and shows off insane versatility, clean shaven, beard, mustache, he can do it all. Bryce ….the eyebrows, the facial hair, the hair.

This is how you draw up a future contender for number one but he just hasn’t hit his prime like our two heavyweights

TIER 2: extremely hot but unfortunately not the two fuckin models in tier 1. 3. Caleb Williams 4. Bryce Young 5. Justin Herbert 6. Josh Allen Herbert’s glow up is complete. He was a weird looking rookie with a lot of acne and now he’s married to a hot famous lady.

Said glow up can only be rivaled by Josh Allen who lost his baby fat, got a new haircut and also married a hot famous lady. This is how to rank highly when the guy don’t the ranking is straight show me RECEIPTS

TIER 3: Kyler and then two guys I had to be told I had too low. 9. Kyler Murray 8. Jayden Daniels 7. Brock Purdy Kyler is another guy like Malik Willis who really can’t get his beard to connect properly to his mustache but decides to have the facial hair anyway and I sympathize more than you

know. He’s a good looking guy but I’d go back to the cool natural fro headband combo. Every woman told me Jayden is top 5 and every gay guy told me Brock is top 5 and this is me threading the needle between this being my list and deferring to people that are actually sexually atttacted to men

aren’t often for me but they helped give a little character. Goff is two face. I don’t know what he actually looks like. Cam fits perfectly at 16 bc he just looks like a guy.

(Still technically the previous tier) 10. Tyler Shough I cant compliment his best features too much without invoking some dangerous ideas that were popularized in Europe in the late 1930s but uh….those are his strengths.

TIER 4: Pretty attractive but you’re not top ten so you don’t get a post all to yourself 11. Jordan Love 12. Baker Mayfield 13. Dak Prescott 14. Lamar Jackson 15. Jared Goff 16. Cam Ward Jordan Love looks like a guy who’d be on a dating show and I’d be like huh why and then slowly I’d be like oh

okay nah he’s pretty good looking. Baker has a year or two left of being able to pull off the fratty thing Stafford can’t. Dak….just looks older, the Kanye jaw cannot keep him top ten forever. Lamar rises a lot this year, I think I’m just more used to him or something? Braids and a goatee

but cool braids. Trevor Lawrence looks like Saiorse Ronan and I just don’t know what to do with that info. Drake Maye feels like a prime Justin Herbert glow up candidate but for now he looks like a 15 year old president of the young republicans club. Stroud’s haircut improved his framing but he has

a bizarre inability to smile. And Geno is just an old guy who is neither a hall of famer nor a dork so he didn’t fit anywhere else.

and in Rodgers case especially, fucking weirder. Stafford had frat boy charm but it just doesn’t work as an old guy

TIER 5: I have no idea how to order these and but they all have at least one thing going for them 17. Bo Nix 18. Malik Willis 19. Drake Maye 20. Trevor Lawrence 21. CJ Stroud 22. Geno Smith Bo has a hideous haircut but when I squint I think I see a nice face beneath it. Malik has a round face

TIER 6B: OLD GUYS, DWEEB EDITION 26. Kirk Cousins 27. Daniel Jones The tier says it all. Kirk’s pointy nose and Flanders energy (Flanders, paradoxically, is hot) , DJs weird ears and long neck. They’re not unattractive, they just look like dorks.

TIER 6A: OLD FUTURE HALL OF FAMERS THAT HAVE CRACKED THE TOP TEN OF THIS RANKING BEFORE 23. Matthew Stafford 24. Patrick Mahomes 25. Aaron Rodgers Three of the ~10 best QBs to ever do it. Mahomes and Rodgers were always surviving in a non traditional manner but it worked til they got older

TIER 8: SEX OFFENDERS 31. Jameis Winston 32. Deshaun Watson order these however you want, but it is not hot to be accused of a sex crime. jameis somehow gets another chance at this list due to the seriousness of dart’s injury and he can celebrate his highest ever ranking!

TIER 7: TRYING TO BE NICE 28. Michael Penix 29. Jacoby Brissett 30. Sam Darnold Penix and Brissett are really good for tier 7. But Brissett does look like he’s 50 and Penix looks like Cookie Puss. Also Darnold is here. He won a Super Bowl so good for him.

pizza pasta… breadsticks?!? bitch you have sandwiches what are you taking about

20 Sept

let’s pretend the stadium with the roof that could have prevented this is gonna be in indiana for another couple of years that’ll be good