Zodda

Can we please merge whoever the hell this Ethan Klein is with Ezra? I'm sick of having to spend a beat sorting out which name I just read.

A SpaceX/Tesla merger will at least simplify the paperwork if the U.S. manages to decide to remain a sovereign state and nationalizes the company.

There's something delightfully democratic about holding a referendum on whether or not to hold another referendum.

Maybe if I'd gone to medical school I'd know why letting Jalen Hurts sleep was a bigger risk than letting him play football?

Can we agree that, should he run for office, it's fair game to ask Magneto if he disavows the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants?

Rough way for Tommy to make $200.

I still wonder how folks are doing over in the Jeb! Bush presidency timeline.

It's not the dumbest part of Shane Gillis's dumb joke, but you're allowed to look at people wearing clothes in public. You see them pretty much everywhere you go. What you're not supposed to do is be creepy about it or use your pervert glasses to take pictures without permission or etc.

Nice of Arch Manning to come out as a dipshit after the Ohio State game so we can really savor the schadenfreude.

So this Poirot goofus didn't last 3 weeks in heaven before they kicked his ass out?

I hope the next Democratic president understands that they're going to need to immediately fire every flag officer promoted by Hegseth. Maybe vet them for reinstatement afterwards if you're feeling nice, but every one of these people is a traitor-in-waiting until proven otherwise.

"Let me be straight with you." "I need to be blunt." "I have to be honest." "I really wish I didn't have to write you this message." Why do Democratic fundraisers think I'm more likely to donate if they start their texts off like they're about to give me a cancer diagnosis?

She's a figure skater, he's a hockey player? That's not straight Heated Rivalry. That's regular The Cutting Edge. Presumably with a lot more fucking.

Saw two excellent threads on videogame storytelling laud Scarlet Hollow's approach. By the time I got to Steam to wishlist it, my brain had changed the title to Crimson Hollow. That turned out to also be a fun-looking game that's now on my wishlist. I feel like this is how they get you.

O fuck, I am slain!

The @nytimes.com assembled an expert panel that thinks there are 100 shows that are better than The Expanse

Don't get a loan from your bookie even if they have a cool app.

All other considerations aside, how the fuck did Converse think that ad would sell sneakers?

I'm excited to share that I have just ordered lunch from Chipotle.

I once ordered a gin and tonic and the server asked me what was in it. Apparently my reaction that evening was a practice run for receiving the news that the suits can't come up with a premise for THE MUPPET SHOW.

Thank goodness they got the telescope launched before Fuckface found out it was named after a woman.

If the Democratic establishment hates Hasan Piker so much, they shouldn't have nominated him to run for high public office. I assume that's why they spend so much time talking about some guy with a podcast?

What in the fuck did Target think that costume looked like?

Nothing makes a country look stronger than shooting the troops full of testosterone then sending out a dork in a suit to declare "economic D-Day."

Protip: Have someone in your life who will smack you in the head with a sock full of pennies if you self-righteously describe yourself as an expert and thought leader.

Google's spent $TEXAS on Gemini, yet nothing I could say could convince it that "Play Black Flag" meant something other than sea shanties.

"Speed cameras are bad because I'm a good driver who should be allowed to drive fast!"

This is why we can't have nice things.

More people need to understand this. You can't appeal to a conservative's sense of decency because they don't have one that applies to you.

ACAB includes Encyclopedia Brown.

Everyone coming on my feed and explaining to me that all is lost, I note what I have noted before, that there are no Negro Spirituals entitled, “Welp, I Guess It All Sucks and I Am Giving Up.”

Spain should kick the ball in the goal at the end of these runs instead of kicking it at an Argentine.

At this point, my area needs left turn/U-turn on red cameras.

Losing a World Cup semifinal must suck. Knowing you still have to play one more game must be absolutely brutal.

"I spoke with ... Mitch McConnell for about ... Twent minutes ... tonight ... we ... oh my ..." -Lindsey Graham

Weird how they manage to get all the fiddly calls right when the right fiddly calls are good for Argentina.

Who the fuck is Ryan Grim? Who the fuck are any of these fucking people and why do they get to be everyone's problem?

I was going to make upsomething stupid for the New York Times headline, but this is the real one they used for the commander in chief literally saying the ceasefire is over.

"I am not left-handed!" -Argentina

This dude sums up the USA. Getting your ass kicked right now and chest thumping because, I don't know, you won a war 80 years ago or whatever.

They sure can pick 'em up in Maine. Though I feel like there's a story to be written about how the nationalization of swing congressional races fucks up national, state, and local politics.

Watching the ants in my kitchen react when I put fresh borax down and realizing I'm an incrutably cruel god to them.

Brazil would probably be doing better if they stopped missing. And if Norway didn't have a dinosaur on their team.

Is it some kind of special soccer hat trick if you get a goal and assist and block a hard shot with you junk in the same game?

Quote from priestly fraternity excommunicated: "What are you gonna do? Excommunicate us?"

At the risk of curdling a great story, think how much fun shit like this billionaires could do if they weren't busy using their money to make us all into slaves to the Machine God.

We used to call it breaking the truce if you bombed the other side, but then the woke took over.

Can we please change the trending topic to Mel Brooks' Birthday (He's okay!) or something so nobody else gets a jump scare on the Discover tab?

Excellent online quiz. No notes. britmonkey.com/2020s-politi...

Nice kick!