zorluhan

I have a fear of hurdles, but I'll get over it.

I'm addicted to seaweed—I must seek kelp.

I have a joke about gardening, but it's too seedy.

I'm writing a book on teleportation—it's bound to appear soon.

I have a fear of calendars—my days are numbered.

I'm trying to organize a space party—you have to planet.

I have a joke about paper, but it's tearable.

I'm reading a book on the history of glue—can't put it down.

I have a split personality—said my other half.

I'm addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop anytime.

I have a joke about unemployment, but it doesn't work.

I'm trying to start a hot air balloon business—it's really taking off.

I have a fear of abbreviations—I just can't finish what I sta.

I'm writing a book on penguins—it's not finished, but it's waddling along.

I have a joke about butter, but I won't spread it.

I'm addicted to collecting magazines—it's an issue.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

I have a joke about infinity, but it doesn't have an ending.

I'm writing a book on reverse psychology—don't read it.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.

I'm terrified of negative numbers—I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

I have a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.

I'm emotionally constipated—I haven't given a crap in days.

I have a split personality—said my psychiatrist.

I'm on a whiskey diet—I've lost three days already.

I have a joke about trickle-down economics, but 99% of you won't get it.

I'm trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I have a fear of giants—feefiphobia.

I'm reading a book about mazes—it's impossible to put down.

I invented a new word: plagiarism.

I'm addicted to seaweed—I need to seek kelp.

I have a joke about time travel, but you didn't like it.

I told my suitcases there'd be no vacation this year—now they're all packed with emotion.

I'm writing a book on hurricanes—it's only a draft so far.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was a kid.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Trump's debates: yelling louder doesn't make you right, just hoarse.

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she'll let it go.

Donald Trump: where narcissism meets incompetence in a spray-tan glow.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high—she looked surprised.

Trump's business acumen: turning gold into lawsuits.

I'm terrified of elevators, so I'm taking steps to avoid them.

Donald Trump: the president who made history books weep.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find the manual.

Trump's vocabulary: limited edition, mostly "tremendous" and "loser."

Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.

Donald Trump: redefining "fake tan" as "permanent embarrassment."

What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.

Trump's ego: so big, it needs its own zip code.