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The English alphabet is wrong. You missed this. Your parents missed this. Our ancestors all the way back to 700 BC missed this. I am the first person to notice this, making me a once in 2.7 MILLENNIA genius. I'll try to put this in simple enough words that even your puny brains can understand (1/26)

The letter "A" is flawless and more importantly ... honest. It is exactly what it says on the tin. We could all be a bit more like "A".

"B" IS NOT A REAL LETTER. It is, in fact, just "E" wearing a funny hat:

The ancients, not noticing their mistake, proceeded to make the same mistake with "C". Or as I like to call it ... "E" wearing a funny hat:

This kicks off a sick fixation with shoving "E" down our throats over and over again. NINE TIMES in total. And we just ate it up like the dumb pigs that we are: