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sometimes someone in my discord is is so self-hating, stating as fact such nasty shit, that they become hostile to any kindness at all. "i'm shit and if you say I'm not you're lying to me" type shit. you have to change your outlook before your helplessness becomes real in a way you don't expect

that extreme self-hate-as-fact thing, where you no longer think you're *feeling* this way but that it *is* this way, has a warped sort of self-aggrandizement at the middle of it. main character syndrome. you're the special exception to every rule of life you believe in, uniquely intractably dogshit

to think you're uniquely, immensely horrible in a way nobody else can be or understand or conceive of, is actually to think very highly of yourself, just in a tense, gross way. you find people get very defensive of the idea that they're shit. questioning it becomes an insult

in an extreme case, someone left the 'cord, and months later i realised, and went, oh shit, are they ok? later i found they'd received a screenshot of this, and posted like: "look at this piece of shit who hates me pretending to care if i'm alive". bottomless, delusional self-regard-via-self-hate