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sometimes someone in my discord is is so self-hating, stating as fact such nasty shit, that they become hostile to any kindness at all. "i'm shit and if you say I'm not you're lying to me" type shit. you have to change your outlook before your helplessness becomes real in a way you don't expect

even with smart, thoughtful, kind, patient, experienced people putting in work to try to help, i find that once someone is lashing out against basic kindness they're often unreachable from the outside. gotta go get into some harmful situation and wait it out, or maybe never recover

to think you're uniquely, immensely horrible in a way nobody else can be or understand or conceive of, is actually to think very highly of yourself, just in a tense, gross way. you find people get very defensive of the idea that they're shit. questioning it becomes an insult

in an extreme case, someone left the 'cord, and months later i realised, and went, oh shit, are they ok? later i found they'd received a screenshot of this, and posted like: "look at this piece of shit who hates me pretending to care if i'm alive". bottomless, delusional self-regard-via-self-hate

to think so strongly that people don't care about you, but also that they'd perform caring about you in a space you're not in... once you can pit yourself against reality like that and win in your own mind i suspect you are simply gone. the brain can be put in an unsolvable state