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Preeeeeeetty sure the marching orders for these hosts were "talk about the amazing crowd size" because they haven't stopped talking about the enormous crowd size. Narrator voice: The crowd is not enormous.

lol the Fox news crew says this will be a highly unifying speech and it won't be politicized due to the solemn nature of the event Because we are all new here

I'm not saying Greenwood's "God bless the USA" is tedious, I'm just saying I got five paragon points in the helltide before he shut tf up. Anyhow here's Trump, here we go.

CROWD SIZE CROWD SIZE CROWD SIZE 150,000 PEOPLE "You are very special people and we have a very special country."

Sir, put down the superlatives, you're drunk.

Okay, this isn't a speech, this is so far just him yelling dates and adjectives. No Airing of the Grievances yet, which really surprises me. He's really sticking to the historical platitudes and nothing too pointy.

Okay some mild Airing of the Grievances at lightning.

aaaaaaand he's bringing out one of the oldest American flags The Smithsonian better make sure that gets back to the collection, just saying.

OOOPS he's off, he's going off on "The Communists."

They hauled him back, he's off the "we hate the communists" and is back to the speech-adjacent thing

Some more mild Festivus at the justice system which attempted to prosecute/persecute (interchangeable here???) him, and BIIIIIIG shoutout to the Second Amendment.

Another zing at communists. And back to historical anecdotes.

Hauling out the Medal of Honor recipients. He loves doing this. And a third historical flag gets a shoutout! This one "draped over the casket of Abraham Lincoln."

Blurring the lines between military enlistment and civilian police officers in a way that would make Vimes go spare.

Listing wars and things he conquered. This is the "Empire of Liberty" don'tcha know

Another historical flag! Lewis and Clark's flag...with a bunch of grandkids from....something historical. And the first flag to fly over the Brooklyn Bridge

Cheering how he sunk the Iranian navy to the bottom of the sea...and this ties into a different flag that flew in a navy battle but I missed it because "We are a nation of winners" and "WE WILL APPROVE THE SAVE AMERICA ACT, ALL VOTERS MUST SHOW VOTER ID"

And another historical anecdote, this one about Pearl Harbor.

104-year-old WWII vet is wheeled out to a cheering crowd

He is saluting a flag that was on the beach at Normandy

And he's really digging in against communists. "It's like a cancer, you've got to cut it out and you've got to cut it out fast."

Korean War veterans now.

Not to shit on the war heroes but we still have a lot of astronauts walking around, can we bring out a few of those?