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Lord knows I took far too many metrics classes to not feel like a troglodyte for asking this but…what specifically is wrong with this? I’m forgetting so much.

Not stupid at all! I don't think these are obvious problems, which is probably how it got through the editing. But I'm surprised a statistician wrote it...

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I mean at least senile! Barely more than two years ago I was taking the most advanced undergrad metrics classes my uni had 💀