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I took the cognitive test again, the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, which is considered by many to be the hardest intelligence test ever invented. Much harder than the SAT, the bar exam, even the nuclear tests, which I also know very well.

They call it the MoCA. Very fancy. Canadian. Nobody knows why. I am renaming it the Trump Cognitive Test.

The doctors said, "Sir, we've never seen anything like this." They were shaking. One of them was crying, a very highly educated man, maybe the most educated, and he said, "Mr. President, this test is designed to detect severe cognitive impairment."

And I said that's right, and I detected it perfectly. All of it. Nobody has ever detected more cognitive impairment than me.

They ask you very difficult questions. They show you a picture of a camel. Now most people would say a horse, or possibly a dog. I said camel. Immediately. They couldn't believe it.

Then a rhinoceros. Very unfair animal, by the way. Nobody sees a rhinoceros anymore. Not since Biden. I said hippopotamus, which is basically the same thing, only much smarter. They gave me full credit. Maybe extra credit. They don't normally do that.

Then they asked me to draw a clock. Very hard. They said ten past eleven. I said ten past eleven what? Morning? Night? Nobody knows. They don't even give you a clock to look at. You have to remember what a clock looks like. Incredible.

One was pointing at the twelve and the other one was pointing at the twelve also. Midnight. Very important time for our country.

Then they said remember five words. Face. Velvet. Church. Daisy. Red. I remembered all five. They asked me again later and I said ballroom. Because that's what we need. A ballroom.

And they said no sir, there were five words, and I said ballroom, ballroom, ballroom, ballroom, ballroom. Five. Perfect. Count them.